张剑 曾鸣《考研英语最后冲刺8套题》答疑专贴（已经开始作文修改了）

（1）由张剑、曾鸣编著的《考研英语最后冲刺8套题》已经全国发行了，目前在全国的大部分城市都应该能购买本套试卷。

    （2）今年4月，编辑部在免费论坛开设答疑专贴以来，得到了论坛读者的高度关注和支持，访问次数高达7万多次，提出的问题也上千，这充分说明了论坛的读者有高度的参与热情。希望这种热情一直到考研结束。

    （3）编辑部的八套题发行后，论坛很多读者通过短信息希望我们在免费论坛开设一个作文修改的专贴，经与论坛版主协商后，编辑部决定在本论坛开设作文专门修改作文的帖子，同时回答读者在冲刺阶段遇到的问题。请上传作文的同学在论坛用“短消息”告之你购买本套试卷时的学习卡资料，否则编辑部将不会提供作文修改服务。

    （3）如果读者不方便在论坛上传作文，也可以通过电子邮件的方式把作文直接传到我们编辑部：电子邮件是：zhangjfpolitic@sina.com或gaojiao2006@163.com。

Dear Leader (此为中式英语，建议改为 Dear Sir or Madam,)     
    I am a graduate of college and an ambitious young man. ( 表达不地道，应表示为college graduate。另外这两个分句可更加简化为I am an ambitious college graduate)     

    I was very grievous (grievous 是“令人悲伤的”，用来修饰事情，比如a grievous news ，修饰人应用grieved)when I heard that the biggest earthquake ever seen（不符合事实，改为：one of the biggest earthquakes ever seen或the biggest earthquake in recent 30 years of China）was (has，被动语态使用错误)happened in Si Chuan province. The people of Si Chuan Province was (were) sufferring (suffering) from the earthquake. I think that Si Chuan disaster area need（needs） help of all country (all the people of our country).

    So(单句中只能用副词therefore, 连词so 只用在从句中) I wound like to apply for a volunteer (apply to be a volunteer或apply for a volunteer opportunity) to service the disaster area of Si Chuan province. I shall be greatly appreciated.（这一句语义不完整，没有说出为什么感激，另外appreciate用成被动表示“被感谢”，与你要表达的意思不符合，可以说 I shall be greatly grateful or I shall appreciate it。建议改为：if you consider my application, I shall greatly appreciate it.）   
                                                                                      Yours sincerely,   
                                                                                               Li Ming
                                                                              



修改后：
Dear Sir or Madam,
    I am an ambitious college graduate.
    I was very grieved when I heard that one of the biggest earthquakes ever seen has happened in Si Chuan province. The people of Si Chuan Province were suffering from the earthquake. I think that Si Chuan disaster needs help of all the people of our country
    Therefore, I wound like to apply to be a volunteer to service the disaster area of Si Chuan province. If you consider my application, I shall greatly appreciate it.
                                                                                      Yours sincerely,
                                                                                               Li Ming

评析：
这篇文章总的来说，内容较连贯，层次较清晰，语言比较丰富但存在一些基本的语法和词汇错误。比如，谓语和主语的搭配不当，尤其第三人称单数的表达出现的错误较多。还有拼写错误、用词的错误以及不符合英语表达习惯的内容。因此在以后的写作中需要努力掌握词汇的准确用法，注意人称和数的搭配，争取杜绝语法错误。
评分：6






大作文：
    We can see from the picture that a farmer is cultivating a plant, this plant(后半句分句与前句没有连词连接，英语里面多个分句需要连接词语。这里适合用从句，改为：which may be sugarcane) may be sugarcane. This farmer work (works) hard until he feel (feels) thirsty, then he lift (lifts) up his head and drink (drinks) a drip (drop) of water.
  
    It is quite obvious that the drawer wishes to draw our attention to this social Phenomenon: work hard, you will get reward. (引号后面的话缺少必要的连接，work hard, then you will get reward) But (but 是连词，不能用与单句中，改为副词However) every coin has its two sides. Someone argue（some people argue） that even though work hard all the time, you get nothing （even though后掉了主语代词you）and someone believe that so long as you get reward, you will disregard work or not (后半分句表达含义不清晰，改为：others believe that you may get reward without working hard）. I think either opinion was ridiculous and just emphasized reward. That is selfish behavior. (后两句话的逻辑关系不是很清晰，建议改为：both opinions are selfish and ridiculous because they only emphasize reward. )     

    My opinion is that sometimes you work hard and you may be get nothing, but you can\'t lose your heart (此句逻辑结构不清，建议调整为my opinion is that sometimes you work hard but you still can get nothing. However, you can’t lose your heart). The reward just has not coming in time. (此句为中式英语，建议改为：the reward will finally be received。还可将第一、二句合并，例如：my opinion is that sometimes you work hard but you still can get nothing. However, you can’t lose your heart, because the reward will finally be received) I think a proverb (A proverb reminds me) that God never let industrious person down!


修改后：
    We can see from the picture that a farmer, who is cultivating plants, works so hard that he feels very thirsty. Then he lifts up his head to drink a drop of sweet water falling from the crop.
    It is quite obvious that the drawer wishes to draw our attention to this social Phenomenon: work hard, then you will get reward. However, every coin has its two sides. Some people argue that even though you work hard all the time, you get nothing and others believe that you may get reward without working hard. Both opinions are selfish and ridiculous because they only emphasize reward.
    My opinion is that sometimes you work hard but you still can get nothing. However, you can’t lose your heart, because the reward will finally be received. A proverb reminds me that God never let industrious person down!

评析：
本文基本阐述了图画的内涵，努力工作就会有回报。三个段落结构比较清晰，各个段落内的层次较为分明，语言的流畅性和连贯性有待加强，一些基础的拼写和语法错误反映了基本功的薄弱。
值得提出表扬的是作者在句式的变换上和短语的使用上做出的努力，比如: it is…that…；draw one’s attention; every coin has its two sides；let sb down。
同时需引起作者注意的问题有以下几点:
1.第三人称单数问题。文中需加第三人称单数的地方却使用了动词的原型。这种语法错误需引起重视，在完成作文后，认真检查一遍。
2.从句问题。文中应使用从句的地方未使用从句（第1段第1句）；运用从句出现缺少从句主语的错误（第2段中的even though从句）。建议针对定语从句和让步状语从句做专项练习。
3.句子逻辑结构不清（第2段最后一句，第3段第1句）。良好的语言结构源于思维逻辑的清晰，在写作前，应分析内容间的逻辑关系。
    愿你在不断地练习中，有所体悟，有所收获。如能在接下来的一两个月中用心写作，相信获得大小作文总分二十多分的优秀成绩也并非难事！God never let industrious person down!

评分：11分

[ 本帖最后由 peterzjf 于 2008-11-24 16:33 编辑 ]

考生八套题第一篇作文习作修改如下：


     As we can see from the picture ,a farmer with some sweets(改为sweats 属于拼写错误) on his face is working hard on the field which plants many rows of corns（field不能与plant构成主谓搭配，另外图片只有一棵玉米，如果用从句表达应该为：field where a corn grows，可以更简单的表述为at the corn field）. He is woking very hard, and opening his mouth, drinking a tip of water fall from the plant.( 1.he is working hard重复了前面的表达，改为名词形式，2. and连接的分句间的逻辑联系不准确，改为下面的因果联系更准确,3 fall应该是非谓语形式，修饰water。The hard work makes him so thirsty that he opens his mouth to drink a dip of water falling from the plant)

     From the drawing, we can easily define what the author of the drawing（the drawing与前文重复，author 不如用painter更恰当） tries to reveal to us :no pain no gain. we（大写）will enjoy the fruit after we make our efforts to do a good job. (时间状语从句不能很好的体现努力与收获的关系，用条件句更好一些we can enjoy the fruit only if we make our efforts to do a good job ) （这两句间缺少连贯，加上in other word）The fruit are made from（用词不当，改为is gained by）our hard work ,not given from(by词语搭配) god.（如果用下一句会有更好的表达效果the fruit is the reward of our hard work, rather than the gift given by god） If we don’t make a endeavor to come true our dream, the only left is poverty（这句话后半句偏离了本段的中心，可以改为If we don’t endeavor , our dream will never come true.）
.

      As a undergraduate, this thought-provoking picture gives me a special inspiration.（独立成分的主语应该跟主语一致，因此应改为I 做主语，全句改为：As a undergraduate, I am certainly inspired by this thought-provoking picture ）All of us are in the golden time of our life,today’s hard work will bring about friuts in future.（这两个分句之间没有逻辑上的联系，含义不明确，应该加入逻辑的过渡：All of us are in the golden time of our life, which we should make most of, because today’s hard work will bring about fruits in future ）It is high time for us to acquire more knowledge and living experiences preparing to create a brighter future. The efforts we made will bring about profitable achievements in future（这句与前一句的逻辑关系不明显I am convinced that the efforts we make will bring about profitable achievements.）. So, let’s do as the old saying: “no pain no gain”.（这句话逻辑关系不清晰，这句格言不能指导我们如何去做；另外，句首应该用副词therefore 而不是连词so。改为：Therefore, let’s remember the old saying :“no pain no gain” and begin to work hard.）


修改后的文章：

     As we can see in the picture, a farmer with some sweats on his face is working hard at the corn field. The hard work makes him so thirsty that he opens his mouth to drink a dip of water falling from the plant.

     From the drawing, we can easily define what the painter tries to reveal to us: no pain no gain. We can enjoy the fruit only if we make our efforts to do a good job. In other word, the fruit is the result of our hard work, rather than the gift given by god. If we don’t endeavor, our dream will never come true.

    As a undergraduate, I am certainly inspired by this thought-provoking picture. All of us are in the golden time of our life, which we should make most of; because today’s hard work will bring about fruits in future. It is high time for us to acquire more knowledge and living experiences preparing to create a brighter future. I am convinced that the efforts we make will bring about profitable achievements. Therefore, let’s remember the old saying: “no pain no gain” and began to work hard.

评析：

    本文大体上表达了图画的内涵，内容切题，结构比较分明，并积极运用多种语言表达方式。但论证段落里的层次有些乱，语言连贯性有待改善，有一些语法和拼写错误，望加强基本功的练习。

    需要注意的是，在第一段图画描述中，作者加入了图画中未曾展现的内容，比如满头大汗，成排的庄稼。而同时作者对图片展现的核心：农民喜悦的享受成果的甘露，则没有突出描写。

    在第二段中，作者很精炼地使用一句谚语来总结中心思想。但是，在论证过程中，缺乏更有力的证明，只是将相同内容反复重复。如能加入一些例子的证明，则更有说服力一些。

    在第三段中，作者联系到实际生活，说明了图片的意义。结尾处突出中心论点。


分数：12

[ 本帖最后由 peterzjf 于 2008-11-24 16:36 编辑 ]

谢谢啦！辛苦啦！

小作文：
Dear Sir or Madam,
I’m writing this letter to express my interest in your recently advertised position for (of) a (不用加冠词a) library assistant.
I’m a senior from the Department of Architecture and I have worked in student union (the Student Union). I think I’m able to do it best（表达不地道，英文应表述客观，如：I think I am a suitable person for the position for the following reasons.或I think I am very competent for the job.）First, I usually read kinds of books, I think it will improve my knowledge. (1. kinds of books错误；2. 两个简单句之间应添加连接词；3. 不要经常随意插入“I think”之类的表达，显得很啰嗦，直接表述为I like reading all kinds of books and they have improved my knowledge。) Second, I have worked in a studio. So, I have more experiences than others（1. experience表示“经验”时为不可数名词；2. others指代不清楚，难道比所有其他人都更有经验？I have got much experience form my work in a bookstore.） Beside(表示除……之外，应为Besides或者是Beside that), I’m a very friendly person who can establish rapport with people（different types of people）.（所列的三条理由与本题情景“应聘图书管理员”无密切关联，没有说服力。）I’m looking forward to meeting you in the near future.
Yours sincerely,
Li Ming

修改后：
Dear Sir or Madam,
I’m writing this letter to express my interest in the position of library assistant which you recently advertised on the school’s website.

I’m a senior from the Department of Architecture and I have worked in the Student Union. I think I am a suitable person for the position for the following reasons. First, I like reading all kinds of books and they have improved my knowledge. Second, I have got much experience form my work in a bookstore. Besides, I’m a very friendly person who can establish rapport with different types of people.

I’m looking forward to meeting you in the near future.

Yours sincerely,
Li Ming

评析：
此文首段写明所应聘职位，第二段按要求写了教育及工作经历和应聘的优势。第三段表达了作者对工作的渴求。总体而言，文章的段落结构清晰，层次分明。语言比较流畅。
但文章的句式变换较少，句型过于简单，一些基本的句子结构和用词都出现了失误，在语言基本功方面作者还需要进一步努力。
评分：4分


大作文：
As is vividly revealed in the cartoon, four people are standing on the tree，(on 应改为in。on the tree是指树本身的东西，in the tree是指外部的事物在树上) and make the taller and power, (1. and连接两个并列结构；2. 动词make后缺少宾语；3.句子含义不完整；4. power为名词，使用不当。建议改为：watering the braches in the hope of making it taller and stronger) but the root of it is powerless.（突然转换论述视角，前面以“人”为主体论述，but之后突然转为论述“树根”；而且powerless使用不当，应该为：leaving the weak and thin root without care.）By contrast, there is another on (拼写错误，应为one) under the tree, and bring water (浇水应为pour water/spray water，或者可将water做及物动词使用) on the root.(这个分句不能与前一个分句there be句型构成并列结构。修改1：添加主语，改为and he is pouring water on the root. 修改2：不使用表示并列结构的连词and，改为分词结构做状语，pouring water on the root.)

Undoubtedly, the cartoon has symbolically revealed a serious problem in our daily life. Some parents don’t weight the foundation of education but weight the investment of it. (weight表示“重视”时一般用名词短语，如：give weight to, attach weight to，建议改为：Some parents attach great weight to the investment of education but less weight to the foundation of it.) In other words, they more (副词应位于动词词组后, 或者使用put more emphasis on sth，这样表达更地道。) emphasize the result of the studying （中式英语，“学习成绩”多表达为academic achievements）, and （此处为转折关系，应改用but）disregard the stress of their children. For instance, the（泛指“父母”不要加冠词）parents often bet (动词使用错误，应改为：request sb to do sth) their children study many sorts of knowledge and hope (加上that) they will be able (加上to) do best (短语应为：do one’s best) in every aspect. But they disregard the children’s feeling. (表示“情感”时，用复数形式：feelings) As a result, it leads more and more students’ suicide or leave home, (问题1：lead 表示“原因”后面需加to。 问题2：lead to 后接sth，或者是lead sb to sth。 正确的写法为：it leads more and more students to suicide or leaving home) because they don’t (can’t) undertake (undertake一般和task、work、project、commitment、study、activity、obligation等搭配。表示“承受”压力，可使用withstand、 bear) the stress that parents give. (前面已使用as a result, 此处不应再用because, 建议改用定语从句：who can not withstand the stress that parents give )

In my opinion, it is imperative for us to take measures to reverse the disturbing tread (trend) illustrated in the cartoon. First and foremost, the parents must give more free time to their children. Furthermore, the children should have a positive idea. Last but not least, they must deal with something under the stress.（1. 去掉the, “在压力之下”应为：under stress。如果想指明具体的压力是什么，则可用under the stress of sth。2.这两句话给人以草草收尾的感觉，表意含糊，未说清楚什么样的positive idea，如何在压力在处理事情，处理什么事情？）

修改后：
As is vividly revealed in the cartoon, four people are standing in the tree，and watering the braches in the hope of making it taller and stronger, leaving the weak and thin root without care. By contrast, there is another one under the tree, pouring water on the root.

Undoubtedly, the cartoon has symbolically revealed a serious problem in our daily life. Some parents attach great weight to the investment of education but less weight to the foundation of it. In other words, they emphasize the academic achievements more / they put more emphasis on the academic achievements, but disregard the stress of their children. For instance, parents often request their children to study many sorts of knowledge and hope that they will be able to do their best in every aspect. But they disregard the children’s feelings. As a result, it leads more and more students to suicide or leaving home, who can not withstand the stress that parents give.

In my opinion, it is imperative for us to take measures to reverse the disturbing trend illustrated in the cartoon. First and foremost, the parents must give more free time to their children. Furthermore, the children should have a positive idea. Last but not least, they must deal with something under stress.

评析：
本文大体表达了图片的内涵，指出了树枝的寓意为学习成绩（the academic achievements），浇灌树枝是对学习的投入（investment of education）。而树根的寓意作者未能明确地阐释，仅仅指出是学习的基础（foundation of it），孩子们的压力（stress of their children）。从图片的文字中，我们可以很清楚的知道树根的寓意为：心理健康（psychological health），浇灌树根实际上是：心理辅导(psychological guidance)。
段落方面，文章的结构清楚，层次分明。
语言方面，文字基本连贯，句式有一定变化，但句子结构和用词均出现多次错误，尤其在用词方面，建议作者不仅要知道一个词的意思，还要清楚它的搭配或者固定用法，才能正确运用一个词。
评分：10分

很好的创意！

非常感谢你的辛苦劳动

我做了两套 基本上如果作文算及格分的话 也就是55 56分 这样到考场是不就悬了啊
我一会把作文传上来

thank you!thank you!thank you!

谢谢啦!!!