张剑 曾鸣《考研英语最后冲刺8套题》答疑专贴（已经开始作文修改了）

xiexie xiexie谢谢

好东西,可以学习

[s:8] xiexie

进来学习很有营养的帖子。不过看了一下评分张老师很仁慈啊，如果张老师去改所有卷子估计09年的作文平均分至少涨8分呵呵

小作文~
Dear professor,
I am writing this letter to invite you to participate in a speech context (contest) to be held from March 13th to March 17th in the room 403 of zhengxin building (Room 403 of Zhengxin Building) in our school.

The speech is organized by student\'s union (Students’ Union或者Student Union), and the theme of the context (contest)
is about \"the ways of education\" .We invite you as a judge of the context (contest), because your knowledge is so extensive, and you are a friendly teacher. By the way, if you have free time to attend this context (contest), please tell me before March 6th.

We hope that you can come and look forward to your early reply!

Sincerely yours,

Li Ming

修改后：
Dear professor,
I am writing this letter to invite you to participate in a speech contest to be held from March 13th to March 17th in the Room 403 of Zhengxin Building in our school.

The speech is organized by Students’ Union, and the theme of the contest is about \"the ways of education\" .We invite you as a judge of the contest, because your knowledge is so extensive, and you are a friendly teacher. By the way, if you have free time to attend this contest, please tell me before March 6th.

We hope that you can come and look forward to your early reply!

Sincerely yours,

Li Ming

评析：
本文按要求涵盖了信息点。作为一封邀请函，用语礼貌得体，格式正确。全文语言表达比较流畅，句式上有一定的变化，句子结构使用正确。但须注意的是个别拼写错误和大小写问题。
评分：8分


大作文~
As is shown in the cartoon, we can see clearly that with the increase of morden (modern) buildings (楼房不能增长，而是楼房的数量在增长。改为：the increase in the number of modern buildings), two persons can\'t find the culture relics on the ground. One of them asks “where is (are) the culture relics”, and another (the other) says\" they are in the base room\".

The purpose of the cartoon (加上is) to show us that due attention has to (加上be) paid to the decline of the culture resources. With the reform and opening-up in recent decades in our countray (country), enterprises in mounting numbers weight morden life way (表意不清), and hence they build more and more skyscrapers. But they ignore the traditional culture of our countray (country), the number of culture relics (两个句子之间没有任何连接词，修改1：the number of which。修改2：whose number )has obviously decreased. If we let this situation go as it is (改为：go on), where it (relics是复数形式，所以这里应用they) will be in the future (句式错误，改为：where will they be in the future)? By that time, our culture will suffer a great destruction.
此段表达逻辑有些不清晰，建议修改为：
The purpose of the cartoon is to show us that due attention has to be paid to the decline of the culture resources. Since the reform and opening-up, skyscrapers, as symbol of modernization, have sprung up like mushrooms after rain, while the culture relics have vanished rapidly on account of being ignored and being occupied by modern buildings. If this situation continues, the relics will disappear completely from our earth one day.

Therefore, it is imperative for us to take effective measure to reverse the disturbing trend illustrated in the cartoon. For one thing, we should appeal to our authorities to make strict laws to control the phenomenon given above. For another we should enhance the awareness of people that the traditional culture is very vital to us. Only in this way can we petect (protect) our culture resources. Also, I believe that we human beings can overcome this difficulty, and we will have a bright future!

修改后：
As is shown in the cartoon, we can see clearly that with the increase in the number of modern buildings, two persons can\'t find the culture relics on the ground. One of them asks “where are the culture relics” and the other says\" they are in the base room\".

The purpose of the cartoon is to show us that due attention has to be paid to the decline of the culture resources. Since the reform and opening-up, skyscrapers, as symbol of modernization, have sprung up like mushrooms after rain, while the culture relics have vanished rapidly on account of being ignored and being occupied by modern buildings. If this situation continues, the relics will disappear completely from our earth one day.

Therefore, it is imperative for us to take effective measure to reverse the disturbing trend illustrated in the cartoon. For one thing, we should appeal to our authorities to make strict laws to control the phenomenon given above. For another we should enhance the awareness of people that the traditional culture is very vital to us. Only in this way can we protect our culture resources. Also, I believe that we human beings can overcome this difficulty, and we will have a bright future!

评析：
这篇作文三个段落层次较为分明，用词比较丰富且准确，句式有变化。需要注意的问题是，表意的准确与清楚，if从句和正确的拼写。此外，文章的第二段逻辑上不是很清晰。鉴于作者的语言能力较为不错，如果能在文章的逻辑上加强一些就更好了。
评分：14分

小作文：
Dear Bob:

I am pleased to heard (hear) that you are going to visit me in this holiday. It has been two years since seen you (改为we met) last time. I will give you (make) some arrangement (复数形式arrangements) to make you have a good time.

I live in (加上a) single apartment that has two rooms (single和two rooms矛盾，根据下文改为an apartment with two rooms). Therefore, you shouldn’t(needn’t) consider hotel（表意不完整，改为：consider living in a hotel或直接说live in a hotel） or restaurant（restaurant是吃饭的地方）. It is very fortunate that there is The (the)　International Fashion Show (加上which) will hold(be held) in this city that I live (语言啰嗦，改为：in my city). Hence, (hence是副词，去掉逗号) you can enjoy this show at that time. In addition, I will take you (加上to) visit some historic spot (复数形式：spots). Do you agree to (with) my arrangement (复数形式arrangements)? If you prefer (加上some) different one (改为ones), I shall fit in with you (用词不当，改为：make some adjustments according to yours).

Once again, thank you very much for your visit and I am looking forward to your coming. (朋友到家里做客，没必要感谢吧?)

Yours sincerely,

Li Ming

修改后：
Dear Bob:

I am pleased to hear that you are going to visit me in this holiday. It has been two years since we met last time. I will make some arrangements to make you have a good time.

I live in an apartment with two rooms. Therefore, you needn’t live in a hotel. It is very fortunate that there is the International Fashion Show which will be held in my city. Hence you can enjoy this show at that time. In addition, I will take you to visit some historic spots. Do you agree with my arrangements? If you prefer some different ones, I shall make some adjustments according to yours.

I am looking forward to your coming.

Yours sincerely,

Li Ming

评析：
本文按照要求覆盖了信息点，结构比较清晰。但拼写、单复数等错误较多。望加强基本功练习。
评分：5分


大作文：

As is vividly betrayed in the drawing above, it seems that there are two persons in (加上a) match. The left person is climbing with latter (改为：a ladder), (此处要另起一句) a flag named speciality training(1.拼写错误，正确的为specialty。但应该用形容词形式special。2.图中的“科班”两个字，不能翻译成special training，可以说regular education) insert his back (1.这里应用被动式。2.insert的用法是insert sth into sth。3.红旗是插在书包里，而不是背上。改为：is inserted into his bag) and his aim is diploma (整句话修改为：The left person, climbing with a ladder, pursues the object of diploma. On his backpack is inserted a flag named regular education.). Another (因为只有两个人，改用The other) person is also climbing, however, he grasps a rope, (此处要另起一句)a flag named self-study insert his back (is inserted into his bag) and his goal is real ability (整句话修改为：The other person, who climb with a rope, aims at real ability. On his backpack is inserted a flag named self-study.). They are on even terms with this match. (表意不清)
      The speciality (special) training (regular education) is better or the self-study is better, there is a heated debate today as to this problem. (句式错误，改为：Is the regular education better or the self-study better? There is a heated debate as to the problem.) Some people contend that the speciality training (regular education) is better. They believe that regular train (改为training) makes student more competitive, let alone (使用不当，改为：moreover), they still have a diploma (改为：they can get a diploma to prove themselves.). Therefore, it is obviously (改为：obvious) that they (加上can) approach successful peak is (去掉is) easier. While another (改为other) people argue that the self-study is better. They claim that although we（they）have not (改为do not have) diploma, we are (they can) learn skills and knowledge in a down to earth manner. Therefore, we （they）have strong foundation and we （they）are not afraid of the stress from competition.

With the development of society, the self-study becomes more and more competitive (自学怎么会竞争的越来越厉害呢？建议修改为：the competition becomes much severer). They are industrious, they can bear hardships. (1.表意不清。 2.两个独立的单句中间不能用逗号) I think that the speciality training (regular education，这句话主语错误，改为：students who receive regular education) should makes (应使用动词原型make) good (great) efforts to expand (改为broaden或者improve) skills and knowledge. Otherwise, they will (加上be) abandoned by society（被社会淘汰：eliminated by the society）. To conclude my essay, I would like to quote an old saying: “The substantial gold is not afraid of fire.\"(The fire is the test of gold)

修改后：
As is vividly betrayed in the drawing above, it seems that there are two persons in a match. The left person, climbing with a ladder, pursues the object of diploma. On his backpack is inserted a flag named regular education. The other person, who climb with a rope, aims at real ability. On his backpack is inserted a flag named self-study.
Is the regular education better or the self-study better? There is a heated debate as to the problem. Some people contend that the regular education is better. They believe that regular training makes student more competitive. Moreover, they can get a diploma to prove themselves. Therefore, it is obvious that they can approach successful peak easier. While other people argue that the self-study is better. They claim that although they do not have diploma, they can learn skills and knowledge in a down to earth manner. Therefore, they have strong foundation and they are not afraid of the stress from competition.
With the development of society, the competition becomes much severer. I think that students who receive regular education should make great efforts to broaden skills and knowledge. Otherwise, they will be eliminated by the society）. To conclude my essay, I would like to quote an old saying: “The fire is the test of gold.”

评析：
读完这篇文章，可以感觉到作者的行文思路还是比较清晰的，第一段描述图片，第二段从两种观点进行论证，第三段提出建议。这得益于作者使用了一些标志性的表达，比如：Some people contend that……While other people argue that……；I think that……Otherwise,……；To conclude my essay……。
但是，这篇文章还是暴露出很多问题。第一，通篇很多流水句，独立的句子之间仅仅使用逗号连接。第二，表意不清，有些地方是意思没有表达完整，有些地方表达不准确，令人费解。第三，句子结构和用词错误较多，也影响了文章意思的传达。建议作者加强基本功的练习，首先从单词的正确拼写做起，再练习写出结构、语法正确的句子，简单一些也没有关系，同时背诵一些语句简明的文章增强语感，帮助你提高英语表达能力。
评分：10分


[ 本帖最后由 peterzjf 于 2008-12-1 11:35 编辑 ]

As is shown by the cartoon, two men are climbing walls. But their way (复数ways) to the top are obvious (obviously) different, leading to two different goals. The man with regular education is climbing stably toward his goal----the diploma. The other man with self-study apparently is making a harder climb to his aim---genuine knowledge and skills.

The picture reflects that nowadays there are different ways to get education. Except（except 表示“not including”，改为：Besides，表示“除了…还有） studying in academic institution, one can also choose to learn by himself. For one thing, corporations today pay more attention to one’s real knowledge and skills than one’s educational background. For another, people learning by themselves need more perseverance, so he will be pushed to achieve a greater goal. (表意不清。建议加上by this unswerving spirit)

In the intensely competitive world, knowledge and skills is (are) essential for every one’s competence (无需写上competence，直接写every one即可。). However (改为：Therefore), people must realize that it is the acquirements (表意不清。建议修改为：real ability and learning) not (instead of) the ways of studying (academic qualification) that determines(determine) the ultimate outcome. In conclusion, only by improving genuine knowledge and skills can we make ourselves outstanding.

修改后：
As is shown by the cartoon, two men are climbing walls. But their ways to the top are obviously different, leading to two different goals. The man with regular education is climbing stably toward his goal----the diploma. The other man with self-study apparently is making a harder climb to his aim---genuine knowledge and skills.

The picture reflects that nowadays there are different ways to get education. Besides, studying in academic institution, one can also choose to learn by himself. For one thing, corporations today pay more attention to one’s real knowledge and skills than one’s educational background. For another, people learning by themselves need more perseverance, so he will be pushed to achieve a greater goal by this unswerving spirit.

In the intensely competitive world, knowledge and skills are essential for every one. Therefore, people must realize that it is the real ability and learning instead of the academic qualification that determine the ultimate outcome. In conclusion, only by improving genuine knowledge and skills can we make ourselves outstanding.


评析：
这篇文章的作者比较认真细心，全篇基本无拼写错误，语法方面的错误也很少。文章的语言比较流畅，句式和用词富于变换，尤其是同义词和短语的替换使用得很好.篇章结构明晰，段落层次分明。但需要指出的是，第三段的论述有相同内容反复重复之感，略显单薄。另外，文章有几处意思表达不清，这也是本文比较遗憾的地方。但总体而言，本文是一篇比较不错的文章。
评分：16分

谢谢了

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to appreciate the wonderful services that you offered in the beach resort, and to give our compliments to the beautiful landscape of the resort heartily. Yester ... [/quote]
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to appreciate the wonderful services that you offered in the beach resort, and to give our compliments(compliment 表示“对某人的赞赏或者致意”，用在这个语境不合适，改为：show our admiration) to the beautiful landscape(landscape主要表示“陆地上的景色”与文中要表示的海景不符合，改为scene) of the resort heartily（副词的位置错误，应该放在give前面）. Yesterday, my friend Bob and I ended the vacation in your resort. The wooden lane along the sea line, the clean and soft sand and (并列短语间，在最后一个词语前用“and”，这里用逗号)the blue sky and seawater were remained (1.remain不用于被动式；2.remain的意思是 “仍然，保持不变”的意思，需要一个前文的对照，意思用在这里也不合适；3 当说不可忘记的景象时，一般用将来时，改为： will always be) an unforgettable image （主语与表语数量不一致，前面例举了几个场景，这里需要用复数，改为：unforgettable images）of us. Also, we must mention that the plants preservation (plants preservation表示“植物保护”；用plant preserve表示“植物保护区”)and the biodiversity in the Daya Island were（这篇文章，着眼于现在写的，用现在时，改为：have been）the most exciting memory of ours（our most exciting memory）.(表意不完整，改为：we must mention that visiting plant preserve and enjoying the biodiversity in the Daya Island have been our most exciting memory)

Meanwhile, I really appreciate your earnest and careful work, which keeps （of protecting） the beautiful nature landscape. We expect that we can return to have another wonderful experience.

Yours sincerely,
Li Ming
评析：
本文作为一封感谢信，语气诚恳真挚，内容详实。词汇丰富，过渡衔接自然，表达比较流畅，体现了作者一定的语言功底。但在选词，时态以及个别句子的叙述上还有些不如意之处。
评分：7
修改后的文章：
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to appreciate the wonderful services that you offered in the beach resort, and to heartily show our admiration to the beautiful scene of the resort. Yesterday, my friend Bob and I ended the vacation in your resort. The wooden lane along the sea line, the clean and soft sand ，the blue sky and seawater will always be unforgettable images of us. Also, we must mention that the visiting plant preserve and enjoying the biodiversity in the Daya Island have been our most exciting memory.

Meanwhile, I really appreciate your earnest and careful work of protecting the beautiful nature landscape. We expect that we can return to have another wonderful experience.

Yours sincerely,
Li Ming


The given cartoon vividly shows the feeling of a farmer who walked in the city road. He was very curious about the ‘chips’ under the transparent road surface. (意思表达的不清楚) ‘Are the chips of supercomputer（1句子不完整，2 图中不能看出电脑芯片，这句话放在这里不能理解，改为：Are they the ads of supercomputers）? Is the digital age here?’ He spent a lot of time to learn (learning) the concept of ‘supercomputer’. Meanwhile, a city lady was utilizing the(a) real digital production(product)—telephone—to talk with somebody in a telephone box, which was full of  (covered with) advertisements. In deed（用词不恰当，改为：In fact）, what the farmer was curious about just was (was just) the city advertisement.

Nowadays, lots of advertisement firms try hard to advertise the productions (production 表示“生产”，“产品”用product表示)of their clients in city. From the common television advertisement (advertisements) to the Internet ones, and(then) to the newest one: advertisement(advertisements) printed on the road surface, the city advertisements deep (1.deep不能做动词，渗透用 “ penetrate” 表示2. 用完成时更好，改为have penetrating )into the (去掉the) every aspect of city life. Of course, the revenues of the firms reach the higher ones（文章中没有出现比较，这里用比较级不合适，另外用the firms 做主语显得更自然，改为：the firms can have high revenues）, but the advertisement still has the (its)harmful side(建议另起一句) to lure people to open their wallet and to exaggerate the effect of the production.(表达的逻辑不清楚，改为：it may lure people to blindly open their wallet by exaggerating the effects of the products)

In my opinion, it is high time to review the current advertisement regulations. On one hand, the place which is fit for the advertisement must be narrowed (limited/restricted，表达不地道，修改见后面). On the other hand, the government should reinforce the examination to (of) the content (contents) of advertisement (advertisements). Only in this way can we have a comfortable and clean urban life. (改为：comfortable and clean city)
评析：
本文形象地描写了图片内容，抓住了图片的内涵，并进行了适当的延伸说明，段落严谨，层次分明。文章句式变换，句子结构基本准确，用词较为丰富，体现了作者的语言功底。但在语言运用和作文构思上，仍有需要注意的地方。在语言运用发面：注意选词的准确，词语之间的搭配，以及句式的完整。在构思方面：图片描写的过长，应该再凝练些，二段中铺述部分比较长，相比起来，广告的负面影响论述就显得不充分。
评分：16
修改后的文章：
The given cartoon vividly shows the feeling of a farmer who walked in the city road. He was very curious about the ads. “Are they the ads of supercomputers”? Is the digital age here?’ He spent a lot of time learning the concept of ‘supercomputer’. Meanwhile, a city lady was utilizing a real digital product—telephone—to talk with somebody in a telephone box, which was covered with advertisements. In fact, what the farmer was curious about was just the city advertisement.

Nowadays, lots of advertisement firms try hard to advertise the products of their clients in city. From the common television advertisements to the Internet ones, and to the newest one: advertisements printed on the road surface, the city advertisements have penetrating into the every aspect of city life. Of course, the firms can have high revenues, but the advertisement still has its harmful side. It may lure people to blindly open their wallet by exaggerating the effects of the products.

In my opinion, it is high time to review the current advertisement regulations. On one hand, there should be restriction on the places where advertisements are permitted. On the other hand, the government should reinforce the examination of the contents of advertisements. Only in this way can we have a comfortable and clean city.

谢谢啦！！！