张剑 曾鸣《考研英语最后冲刺8套题》答疑专贴（已经开始作文修改了）

谢谢啦！！

Dear Sir,
As a student of the university, I would like to use the opportunity to propose at (propose是及物动词，意思是“提出建议、想法”，用法是：propose+名词/that/v-ing。建议修改为：propose changes to) the library service.

In general, all your efforts provide (加上with) us a comfortable and convenient environment to study（to study in或for study）, yet I think there are still some aspects to improve. Firstly, the speed of update (改为：updating) newly-published books is sort of slowness(slow); secondly, the library searching agency often does not work; thirdly, I wonder if the amount of desks preparing (改为：prepared) for us can be increased.（这样表达太绕弯了，应直接表达：I hope there are more desks available to us）

Again, I really appreciate what you have done for us and I will be more than happy if what I suggest can take place (1.应用被动式。2.take place的意思是“发生”，用在这里不合适。建议改为：be accepted / adopted / taken up).
            

Yours Sincerely

Li Ming

修改后：
Dear Sir,
As a student of the university, I would like to use the opportunity to propose changes to the library service.

In general, all your efforts provide with us a comfortable and convenient environment to study in, yet I think there are still some aspects to improve. Firstly, the speed of updating newly-published books is sort of slow; secondly, the library searching agency often does not work; thirdly, I hope there are more desks available to us.

Again, I really appreciate what you have done for us and I will be more than happy if what I suggest can be accepted.
            

Yours Sincerely

Li Ming

评析：
本文语言流畅，体现了作者有一定的驾驭文字能力。在段落结构方面，条理很清楚，第一段简洁地说明了要建议的内容，第二段清晰的表达了需要改善的三个方面，第三段表示感谢和希望建议被采纳。全文没有什么多余的文字和表达，干净利落。句式有一定的变换。但须注意的是用词的准确性，如果没有把握，一定要勤查字典。
评分：8分

谢谢楼主
楼主辛苦啦！！！

As is vividly decipts (1.拼写错误。2.应用被动式。改为：depicted) in the picture, a mobile phone receiving junk messages makes his fellows-gabbage(1. 拼写错误。改为：garbage)-angry (改为：makes his fellow garbage angry). Obviously, certain thought-provoking implication has been (certain的英语解释是”some”，因此implication应用复数形式。修改为：certain thought-provoking implications have been)revealed in the drawing above.

Simple as the picture is, the drawer intends to convey a more (此处无须比较级，去掉more) profound meanings (改为：meaning).(此句话与第一段最后一句重复，可删去。) Nowadays, with the development of economics (改为economy), people can afford more phones (表意有问题，应该是越来越多的人负担得起手机。改为：more and more people can afford phones). Though convenient it is (倒装句式错误。1.让步状语从句的倒装形式为：强调对象＋as/though＋主语＋其它部分，应改为：Convenient though it is。2. though引导让步状语从句时，可以倒装也可以不倒装；而as引导让步状语从句时必须倒装。所以，此处也可以说：Though it is convenient), one receives more and more messages that they do not need. Some reasons account for this phenomenon. For one thing, people do such ill behavior (复数形式behaviors) for their self-interests: making funny (having fun) or (加上making) economy (economic) interests. For another, it’s hard to find and punish (加上the people) who send junk messages. It\'s a waste of resource (句子缺少连接词，显得比较跳跃。建议将这句话与后一句合并为：Since these trash messages are wastes of resources, we shouldn’t let the situation continue, or we will pay a high price). Were the situation continous (拼写错误continue), we will pay a high price.

What should be done in response to this phenomenon? In my opinion, conbined (combined) efforts can (改为must) be made. To begin with, laws and regulations should be set up to restrict sending junk messages. What’s more, a nation-wide campaign should be launched to educate people to understand the importance of self-discipline. If we take these steps, a bright future is ahead of us.


修改后：
As is vividly depicted in the picture, a mobile phone receiving junk messages makes his fellow garbage angry. Obviously, certain thought-provoking implications have been revealed in the drawing above.

Nowadays, with the development of economy, more and more people can afford phones). Convenient though it is, one receives more and more messages that they do not need. Some reasons account for this phenomenon. For one thing, people do such ill behaviors for their self-interests: having fun or making economic interests. For another, it’s hard to find and punish the people who send junk messages. Since these trash messages are wastes of resources, we shouldn’t let the situation continue, or we will pay a high price.

What should be done in response to this phenomenon? In my opinion, combined efforts must be made. To begin with, laws and regulations should be set up to restrict sending junk messages. What’s more, a nation-wide campaign should be launched to educate people to understand the importance of self-discipline. If we take these steps, a bright future is ahead of us.


评析：
这篇文章内容完整切题，结构比较清晰，句式有变化，用词比较多样化。但是因为词语使用出现了较多的错误和拼写错误，影响了文章的质量。望在这方面加强多练。
评分：14分

C

感谢搂主奉献！谢谢！

haohao

The figures in the above picture indicate the stable increase of the number of cellphone users during seven years. As (加上is) shown in the histogram, the number of folks (语气不正式，改为：people) having cellphones has been rising from 200 in 1999 to approximately 1000 in 2005, which has increased nearly 5 times. Such phenomena conveyed (与phenomena不搭配。改为：described) in the histogram above provoked (要与前文时态统一，改为provoke) nation spread (spread使用错误，改为nationwide) debates in our daily life.

The reasons of the increasing number of owing mobile phones (1. 拼写错误，应为owning。2.此处表达错误，改为：mobile phone owners) can be briefly illustrated (illustrate指“图画、图表、例子来说明”。故此处应改用：listed\\summarized) as follows. For one thing, developed technology and science, as (加上is) known to all, extremely improve the development of the (非特指，去掉the) cellphone (复数形式cellphones) and also greatly reduce the cost (加上of) producing the (非特指，去掉the) phone(复数形式phones). In other words, the booming of the phone (phones) is attributable to the increasing number of the (去掉the) electronic produces (produce做名词的意思是“农产品[尤指新鲜水果和蔬菜]”。此处改用：products). For another, cells is (改为：cellphones are) needed in our life and work. As a number (改为：member) of societies (society做“社会”的意思时，不可数；意思是“团体、协会”时，可数。故此处改为：society), it is vital for us to communicate (加上with) each other. Indeed, it is phone as a tool that is to (去掉is to) provide (provides) this (去掉this) assistances (不可数名词 assistance) and (demands与动词meet搭配，故此处加上meets) (our) demands. The fact that phone has been (去掉been) became (过去分词形式是：become) our needs is not (去掉not) witnessed. Briefly speaking, the trend of using the (去掉the) cellphones is thriving by developing technology and the needs of an ocean of people.

From my own perspective, cellphone, in the long run, is useful and necessary. Indeed, mobile phone, in a great new ear (拼写错误，改为：era) of information, can make us to (去掉to。make sb do sth) have a good understanding with each other and help us gain a sea of useful and immediate informations (不可数名词，改为：information). Accordingly, it is badly necessary for human beings to owning (应用动词原型：own) their own cellphones.

修改后：
The figures in the above picture indicate the stable increase of the number of cellphone users during seven years. As is shown in the histogram, the number of people having cellphones has been rising from 200 in 1999 to approximately 1000 in 2005, which has increased nearly 5 times. Such phenomena described in the histogram above provoke nationwide debates in our daily life.

The reasons of the increasing number of mobile phone owners can be briefly summarized as follows. For one thing, developed technology and science, as is known to all, extremely improve the development of cellphones and also greatly reduce the cost of producing phones. In other words, the booming of phones is attributable to the increasing number of electronic products. For another, cellphones are needed in our life and work. As a member of society, it is vital for us to communicate with each other. Indeed, it is phone as a tool that provides assistance and meets our demands. The fact that phone has become our needs is witnessed. Briefly speaking, the trend of using cellphones is thriving by developing technology and the needs of an ocean of people.

Mobile phone, in a great new era of information, can make us have a good understanding with each other and help us gain a sea of useful and immediate information. Accordingly, it is badly necessary for human beings to own their own cellphones.

评析：
本文清楚地分析了图表，抓住了数据的核心，并且用凝练的语言来表述。在分析原因的段落里，作者的思路是比较清晰的，通过for one thing……for another……的表达方式讲了两点原因。文章句式有变换，用词比较丰富。但是第二段的语句有重复之感，内容比较空。第三段第一句亦如此，可以删去。此外，本文另一个明显的问题是用词准确性的问题，望作者多加强基本功的练习。
评分：14分


C

英语基础不好,很着急,谢谢指导

感谢楼主分享

英语基础不好,很着急,谢谢指导