张剑 曾鸣《考研英语最后冲刺8套题》答疑专贴（已经开始作文修改了）

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying for the library assistant which you advertised on our college’s website this morning. I am a postgraduate of Construction and Engineering Institute, on the Bridge and Channel major (and major in Bridge and Channel). Before I studied in the institute, I had been working in China Construction Group for two years.

Although my major is not relate to (related) the library (中式英文，“专业”不可能与“图书馆”这个具体事物相关，改为library management之类的表达), I know the definite demands（由于写信目的是申请职位，因此光“知道要求”是不够的，建议改为：I am confident that I can meet the demands）of this position such as（on）
excellent computer ability and working carefully in (1. 表示“做工作，干活” 应使用work at sth。2. 动名词与前面的名词不能构成并列结构,应改为: carefulness in ) recording the book’s(书本不是特指,不用定冠词,改为: books’) information. Moreover, I had been（与下文when引导的时间状语从句的时态不一致）engaged in library assistant （搭配错误，be engaged in sth只能表示“忙于做某事情”，改为：worked as library assistant）when I studied my bachelor degree (“修学士学位”的正确表达应为：studied for a bachelor degree). Accordingly, I think I am a good candidate for the position.


I really appreciate (appreciate是及物动词，加上it) if you would consider my application, and if you have any question you can contact me at 13011112222. Thank you for your time.

Yours sincerely,

Li Ming

修改后：
Dear Sir or Madam,

    I am applying for the library assistant which you advertised on our college’s website this morning. I am a postgraduate of Construction and Engineering Institute, and major in Bridge and Channel. Before I studied in the institute, I had been working in China Construction Group for two years.

    Although my major is not related to library management, I am confident that I can meet the demands of this position on excellent computer skills and the carefulness in recording books’ information. Moreover, I worked as library assistant when I studied for my bachelor degree. Accordingly, I am a good candidate for the position.

    I really appreciate it if you would consider my application, and if you have any question you can contact me at 13011112222. Thank you for your time.

Yours sincerely,

Li Ming

评析：
本文结构清晰，层次分明。文字表达流畅。句式上有变化，句子结构和用词的准确性有待提高，建议平时多翻字典，弄清楚每个词的正确用法。
评分：6分




大作文
    The scene which was reflected in the given cartoon is worried. (worried的意识是“担忧的”，显然此处要表达的是“令人担忧的”，应使用worrying。) Four students climbed to the top of the (a) tree, and watered the leaves. However, they neglected that the under trunk was reducing (1. “下面的树干”应表达为the lower part of the trunk。2.reducing用词不当，建议改为withering). They thought the tree will (would) flourish if they take (took) care of the leaves. (2~4句衔接不自然，建议修改为：Four students climbed to the top of the tree, and watered the leaves in the thought that the tree would flourish if they only took care of the leaves. However, they totally neglected that the lower part of the trunk had become withering.)Fortunately, the teacher who was under the tree prepared to introduce some mental guidance to them. (此句将图片内容和图画寓意混在一起表述了，建议改为：Fortunately, the teacher under the tree poured water to the weak trunk and took care of it. ) The deep meaning of the cartoon was (加上that) these students ignored the mental health when they were learning. (learn多做及物动词，改为studying)


    Obviously, the painter aimed to reflect（reflect的主语是sth，不能是人，改为：show/point out等） the serious situation among students: lacking of mental health.(表达错误，改为：their mental health has been at risk) Today, with the increasing pressures on (from) learning (改为studying) and job hunting, the news of (去掉the news of，下文problem直接可以与report搭配，news多余） student\'s mental problem (问题不是一个学生的,学生应用复数，改为students’ mental problem) are reported always (1. 语法正确的表达方式是：is always reported；2.“随着压力增大，学生心理健康问题总是被报道”不符合逻辑，改为：becomes increasingly serious). The number of jobs increases, however, the number of graduates grow (改为grows) more rapidly. (1. however是副词，不能连接两个单句，应改为：The number of jobs increases. However, the number of graduates grows more rapidly. 2表示对照应用while。3.这句话与上句的逻辑联系不明显。修改后句子为：Take the employment pressure for example, the number of jobs increases, while the number of graduates grows much more rapidly.) Meanwhile, the unhealthy Internet pages and violent electronic games lay (改为produce, have或者exert) many harmful influences on students. (上下文之间没有过渡词, 用therefore) The soaring (改为constant) pressures, the harmful information and the violence advocated in games may trigger the mental problem of students.

    The solution to the problem, I think, is to need the effects of all walks of life. (1. effects使用错误，改为:efforts。2.此句表意不清，修改后句子为：To solve this problem, I think efforts from all walks of life are needed. ) On one hand, Internet, the electronic game place, even the surrounding of the school, should be prohibit the harmful information spreading. (1. Internet修改为Internet bar。2. surrounding是形容词；surroundings是名词，意思是“周围的环境”。或者用surrounding areas。 3. prohibit在be动词后不能使用原型。 4. prohibit的正确用法是：prohibit …from…。5. 网吧，电子游戏厅和学校周边地区不能并列。6. 此句表意不清，建议修改为：On one hand, measures should be taken to prohibit the harmful information from spreading in the surroundings of the schools, especially in the Internet bars and the electronic game places. ) On the other hand, parents, schools, and governments (government 本生是个集合名词,不用复数,改为the government) should pay more attention to the mental problem of students, and should work together to provide more perfect environment (perfect 没有比较级形式,改为favourable environment). Only in this way can we completely solve this problem and assure the mental health of students.

修改后：
    The scene showed in the given cartoon is worrying.Four students climbed to the top of a tree, and watered the leaves in the thought that the tree would flourish if they only took care of the leaves. However, they totally neglected that the lower part of the trunk had become withering. Fortunately, the teacher under the tree poured water to the weak trunk and took care of it. The deep meaning of the cartoon was that these students ignored the mental health when they were studying.

    Obviously, the painter aimed to show the serious situation among students: their mental health has been at risk. Today, with the increasing pressures from studying and job hunting, students’ mental problem becomes increasingly serious. Take the employment pressure for example, the number of jobs increases, while the number of graduates grows much more rapidly. Meanwhile, the unhealthy Internet pages and violent electronic games produce many harmful influences on students. Therefore, the constant pressures, the harmful information and the violence advocated in games may trigger the mental problem of students.

    To solve this problem, I think efforts from all walks of life are needed. On one hand, measures should be taken to prohibit the harmful information from spreading in the surroundings of the schools, especially in the Internet bars and the electronic game places. On the other hand, parents, schools, and the government should pay more attention to the mental problem of students, and should work together to provide more favourable environment. Only in this way can we completely solve this problem and assure the mental health of students.

评析：
本文较为清楚地表达了图片的内涵，内容切题。语言比较连贯，句式有一定的变换。需注意的问题是：1.句子含义的衔接。2.句子表意的清晰与准确性。3. 词语的准确应用。
建议读几篇原版的英语论述文章，细细品味英语写作的逻辑特点。此外，要勤翻词典，正确运用词汇和短语。

评分：13分

[ 本帖最后由 peterzjf 于 2008-11-26 23:09 编辑 ]

小作文：
Dear professor,

I am the chairman of students’ union (the Student Union). I am writing to you for inviting you to take part in the speech contest activity (去掉activity，演讲比赛用speech contest即可) as the judge. The activity with (on) the topic of “Sustainable development and harmonious society” will be held on next Friday in the meeting room of Shao Yifu library. We have received many high-quality speech materials. (此句很突兀，与上下文内容无法衔接，建议去掉。) Meanwhile, many leaders and teachers have decided to (前一句建议去掉后,这一句的时态要做出调整，改为：will/are going to) attend this activity.

We know that you have been supporting students’ activities, and you very concern about (1.you可以去掉。2. 表示“对…关切，关注”正确的形式是：be concerned about) the address ability of ours (改为our speechmaking ability). We will be honored if you would be (条件从句中,用一般现在式表将来,改为are) convenient to participate in it, and if you have any question you can contact me at 13011112222. Thank you for your consideration.

Yours sincerely,

Li Ming

修改后：
Dear professor,

I am the chairman of the Student Union. I am writing to you for inviting you to take part in the speech contest as the judge. The activity on the topic of “Sustainable development and harmonious society” will be held on next Friday in the meeting room of Shao Yifu library. Meanwhile, many leaders and teachers are going to attend this activity.

We know that you have been supporting students’ activities, and are concerned about our speechmaking ability. We will be honored if you are convenient to participate in it, and if you have any question you can contact me at 13011112222. Thank you for your consideration.

Yours sincerely,

Li Ming

评析：
本文条理较为清楚，表达流畅，句式有变换，句子结构基本使用正确。但在用词上，准确性有待提高。此外还要注意句意衔接的问题。
评分：7分



大作文：
‘Where is the cultural heritage site?’ The question was aroused in Oliver’s mind(arouse一般与表示感情、态度的词搭配。question可与arise或spring up搭配) when he entered to the former site (when he arrived at the site). A (The) man who was (从图片上只能猜测，改为looked like) the manager of the real-estimate (real estate) firm told him: ‘It is in the base room for preserving. ’ (It is being preserved in the basement of the building.) How ridiculous the answer is! The site which has been existing (had existed) for thousands years (thousands of years) was replaced by many towers (tall buildings/skyscrapers). At the moment, constructors were still removing the site for their project.

The painter wanted to reach his aim at (1.aim做名词“目的”时，不能和reach搭配，常和achieve, fulfill搭配。2.此处可将aim做动词使用，简单表达为：aimed at) reflecting the worried (worrying) situation of cultural heritage site preserving (preservation). Nowadays, as the real-estimate (real estate) industry becomes prosperous, the cultural heritage sites are suffered broken (1. suffer是不及物动词，去掉are，加上from。 2. broken使用错误。改为：suffer from extensive damages). Due to (1. due to为短语介词，后面跟名词，不接从句。2. “遗址位于市中心”不能和“公司发现利润”构成因果关系，改用as做伴随状语。) these sites usually locate in the centre of the city (没有特指某个城市,改为cities) , some firms and governments(the government) see (find) the huge potential business profits and (与前面分句不构成并列,改为and then) remove the site with (under) the slogan of ‘Our city need (needs) development.’ They do not understand these cultural relics are the spiritual symbol of Chinese(China). As a result, they do not care of the significance to us. (1. care of 是“照顾”的意思。应用care about,意思是“关注，担忧”。 2. 此句与上句不构成因果关系，建议合并两句话：They neither understand that these cultural relics are the spiritual symbol of Chinese, nor care about their significance to us.)
It is imperative for us to take some serious measures to reverse this disturbing phenomenon. To begin with, the real-estimate (real estate) companies and the government must obey the current law of cultural heritage site preserving (preservation). Furthermore, everyone as the offspring of Chinese has (all the Chinese offspring have) the responsibility to stop this harmful behavior to it (1. “禁止”某种行为应该用forbid或 prohibit。2. “对遗址有害的行为”不能用this harmful behavior to it ，改为：the behavior that is harmful to the site.) Finally, the government should consider carefully in development and cultural relies preserving (1. consider做“仔细考虑”的意思时，后面可直接跟名词，或动名词形式。2. preserving改为preservation。3. 此句表意不清。建议改为：consider the relationship between city development and cultural relics preservation carefully.) Only in this way can we bring the whole cultural heritage to our offspring (“流传下来”应用hand down，改为：hand the whole cultural heritage down to our offspring.)

修改后：
‘Where is the cultural heritage site?’ The question sprang up in Oliver’s mind when he arrived at the site. The man who looked like the manager of the real estate firm told him: “It is being preserved in the basement of the building.” How ridiculous the answer is! The site which had existed for thousands of years was replaced by many tall buildings. At the moment, constructors were still removing the site for their project.

The painter aimed at reflecting the worrying situation of cultural heritage site preservation. Nowadays, as the real estate industry becomes prosperous, the cultural heritage sites suffer from extensive damage. As these sites usually locate in the centre of cities, some firms and the government find the huge potential business profits and then remove the site under the slogan of ‘Our city needs development.’ They neither understand that these cultural relics are the spiritual symbol of China, nor care about their significance to us.

It is imperative for us to take some serious measures to reverse this disturbing phenomenon. To begin with, the real estate companies and the government must obey the current law of cultural heritage site preservation. Furthermore, all the Chinese offspring have the responsibility to prohibit the behavior that is harmful to the site. Finally, the government should consider the relationship between city development and cultural relic preservation carefully. Only in this way can we hand the whole cultural heritage down to our offspring.

评析：
本文清晰表达了图画内涵，语言流畅，句式较为多变，用词比较丰富，体现了作者有意识的运用这些词汇，句式和写作技巧。
本文也同前几篇一样，存在用词准确性的问题。在平时的写作过程中，一定要勤查字典，这篇文章如能将词都运用正确了，定增色不少。

评分：14分

[ 本帖最后由 peterzjf 于 2008-11-27 01:03 编辑 ]

谢谢楼主！

管理员修改到位,精辟准确!

谢谢啦！辛苦啦

谢谢老师

很不错的创意！

原帖由 shijie2009 于 2008-11-25 18:52 发表
What a vivid cartoon it is! Depending on whole year hard working, a farmer is enjoying the sweet drop falling from the crop.
The intended meaning of the picture is pressing and worth thinking. J ...

What a vivid cartoon it is! Depending on (depending on 表示：“取决于”用在这里不合适，改为：After) (加上a) whole year (year’s) hard working, a farmer is enjoying the sweet drop falling from the crop.

The intended meaning of the picture is pressing (词语使用错误，pressing的意思是“紧迫的”或者“恳切的”) and worth thinking. Just as somebody puts, pain ended and the sweet coming, (bitterness ends, sweetness begins，) so the famer (farmer) is happiness (happy) for his achievement, which is as a retune (return) for his effects (efforts). At the end of the day (改为：in the end或者one day), paying the hard work is really matters of the success. (1. 句子表意不清楚。2此句有点跳跃。改为：What we can learn from the picture is that…/ From the picture we can conclude that one day hard working will bring huge success.)

That (去掉that) the conclusions (单数形式) of above (the above) is beyond of
(去掉of) dispute. Looking at the process of great man growing (表意不清，改为：the growing process of great men ), most of them who have big achievements(与前面great people 重复，删掉) are enduring the handicap, and then, though making great efforts attain the success at end (1.时态错误，应用过去时。2. 现在分词结构和主句的主语要一致，即应为：Looking at the process…, we find most of them…。或者改成两句话。Look at the process …Most of them … 3. 表意不清。整句话改为：Looking at the growing process of great man, we find that although they endured severe handicaps, most of them made their every endeavor and achieved great success ultimately ). For instances,（instance）Deng Yaping as the most famous athlete of the Pingpong (one of the most famous table tennis players), the praise not only come from domestic, but also the whole world respect (1. domestic是形容词“国内的”，作名词的意思是“家佣，家庭纠纷”。 2.主语从Deng Yaping变成了the praise，修改为：has won praise not only from homeland, but also from the whole world ). In fact, long time hard training hurt (hurts) her ankles very badly, and host of the experiences common young man have is far less meet than exercising day by day for her.(语意表达不清楚) (缺少连接词，加上Therefore), The great honor（honors） and big achievements is cultivated by (derive from) her efforts.

Needless to say, being able to making efforts (1. be able to 不定式后面用动词原形；2. 语意不通顺，删除being able to) to get success can bring the sweetest dew. Just like (like是介词，改用连词as) the cartoon shows, we have to sweat in order to reap any (改为the) harvest in (加上our) life.

修改后：
What a vivid cartoon it is! After a whole year’s hard working, a farmer is enjoying the sweet drop falling from the crop.
The intended meaning of the picture is worth thinking. Just as somebody puts, bitterness ends, sweetness begins. So the farmer is happy for his achievement, which is as a return for his efforts. What we can learn from the picture is that one day hard working will bring huge success.
The conclusion of the above is beyond dispute. Looking at the growing process of great man, we find that although they endured severe handicaps, most of them made their every endeavor and achieved great success ultimately. For instance, Deng Yaping as one of the most famous table tennis players has won praise not only from homeland, but also from the whole world. She insisted on training despite the fact that her ankles have been seriously injured. Therefore, the great honors and big achievements derived from her efforts.
Needless to say, making efforts to get success can bring the sweetest dew. Just as the cartoon shows, we have to sweat in order to reap the harvest in our life.


评析：
本文较为清晰地表达了图画的内涵，段落结构比较有层次。第一段的图画描写略显单薄。值得表扬的是第二段以邓亚萍的实例来论证，有说服力。但语言的衔接上，缺乏逻辑性，建议使用一些连词，或加入过渡的成分。此外，本文部分地方语意表达不清，建议用简明正确的句子来表达，如果想使用复杂的句式，请注意句子的语法结构以保证其表达正确。
评分：10分

[ 本帖最后由 peterzjf 于 2008-11-27 13:47 编辑 ]

As is seen from the two graphs, it’s clear that with the growth of GDP per capita from 1994 to 2001, the money spent on tourists rises on and on (is on the rise) during the same period. Naturally, we can draw the conclusion that the living standard of the (非特指，去掉the) common people has improved a lot.

Three reasons may account for this phenomenon. To begin with, the open policy attracts a growing number of foreign cooperations (corporations) which invest in China Mainland, creating more jobs for the (非特指，去掉the) Chinese. Second, the economy (economic) reform has inserted a series of advanced theories and methods into the traditional industry and the companies owned by the States. (insert…into…使用错误，改为introduced…into…) As a result, the manufacturing efficiency has improved greatly. Finally, with the development of science and technology, more and more factories take advantage of the hi-tech equipment (equipments) to change the structure of their production for the better, (加上关系代词which) bring in much more profit (复数形式profits).


To further develop economy calls for, above all, the government’s efforts to enhance laws(enhance law enforcement或strengthen the legal system),
to regulate the market order, to deepen (加上the) reform and to encourage innovation on the basis of self-reliance (independent innovation). Moreover, common citizens should be honest and self-discipline (self-disciplined) to obey laws. In a word, only when the government and the (去掉the) common people make joint efforts can we hope to further develop productive forces and to achieve common wealth (prosperity).

修改后：
As is seen from the two graphs, it’s clear that with the growth of GDP per capita from 1994 to 2001, the money spent on tourists is on the rise during the same period. Naturally, we can draw the conclusion that the living standard of the common people has improved a lot.

Three reasons may account for this phenomenon. To begin with, the open policy attracts a growing number of foreign corporations which invest in China Mainland, creating more jobs for Chinese. Second, the economic reform has introduced a series of advanced theories and methods into the traditional industry and the companies owned by the States. As a result, the manufacturing efficiency has improved greatly. Finally, with the development of science and technology, more and more factories take advantage of the hi-tech equipments to change the structure of their production for the better, which bring in much more profits.


To further develop economy calls for, above all, the government’s efforts to enhance law enforcement, to regulate the market order, to deepen the reform and to encourage independent innovation. Moreover, common citizens should be honest and self-disciplined to obey laws. In a word, only when the government and common people make joint efforts can we hope to further develop productive forces and to achieve common prosperity.

评析：
本文清楚的总结了图表数字变化的内涵，段落严谨，层次分明。文章句式变换，句子结构基本准确，用词较为丰富，体现了作者的语言功底。但作者出现了一些单复数，定冠词等基础语法错误，望在写作完成后认真检查。此外，在平时的写作过程中，对词语的运用不确定时，要常常向词典讨教。你在文中询问使用interest还是profit，以下是牛津词典关于这两个词的解释。
Profit：①利润，赢利。指的是做生意或卖东西赚到的钱。（可数名词）
②好处，利益。指的是做某事能获得的好处。(不可数名词)
Interest: ①利息。指的是存钱或投资所获得利息。(不可数名词)

②好处，利益。某人或某事的好处或利益。（常用复数）
从词典上的解释看，用profits比较好，表示调整生产结构后，给企业带来更多的利润。

评分：16分

真好！！！！！！