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标题: 【考研1号】“作文修改”活动——【第二期“”道德滑坡现象】 [打印本页]
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-19 16:59
标题: 【考研1号】“作文修改”活动——【第二期“”道德滑坡现象】
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-19 17:02 编辑
道德滑坡现象
Directions:
Study the following picturecarefully and write an essay. In thisessay, you should
1. describe the picture and interpret itsmeaning,
2. analyse the causes of the phenomenon, and
3. express your opinions about the problem.
You should write 160-200 words neatly onANSWER SHEET 2. (20points)[attach]289217[/attach]
免费考研论坛与考研1号联合发起“作文修改”活动要求地址：http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-840736-1-1.html【第一期活动地址】：http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-840747-1-1.html
大家踊跃参加哦！[t:12]
作者: arthashao 时间: 13-10-19 18:02
本帖最后由 arthashao 于 2013-10-19 18:04 编辑
Nowadays, there seem to be a tendency of breaking moralities prevailing in our society. Just as the cartoon depicts, in the bus crowded with passengers, a “blind” person, who is actually healthy, is sitting on the seat which is provided for special populations, with an old man, a child and a pregnant woman aside and helpless.
The progress of ethics is an indicator of the level of civilization in a society. Apparently, the situation in the picture above, to some extent, hinders this advance and may bring about a serious effect on our moral life. Such a moral degradation has been common in the modern life. Food businessmen can add illegal and toxic ingredients into food that we eat everyday in order to reduce the cost and gain more profits. Passersby no longer help the elder who falls on the way and waits someone to offer assistance, because they are afraid to be viewed as the accident makers. Were the trend to continue as it is, people would live under the shadow of deception and suspicion.
It’s urgent for us to make efforts to bridge the ethical gap. First and foremost, morality-concerned curriculums should occur in the primary schools, which help children to cultivate conscience and goodness. In addition, those who are deaf to the ethics must be punished and accused in order to alarm people not to try to violate these holy regulations.
谢谢批改！
作者: govycm 时间: 13-10-20 10:10
我又来了，还是期待老师的批改。
The picture features that a young man who acts as a blind people sits at the seat which is prepared for the special group,among which are the elderly,pregnant women, children, and the like. There has been a heated discussion about the picture in the newspaper recently. The author’s real purpose is not the fact itself, but to lead us to find the hides behind the ice berg.
The picture does reveal that lack of moral is not only harmful, but also damaging. The past decade has witnessed a huge development in economy, bringing some problems at the same time, with the above one is the foremost. What’s more, the public fail to attach due attention to the traditional moral value. Respecting the elderly and taking care of the young is our tradition virtues in our country. Unfortunately，some people neglect our traditional virtues , which is worse to our society.
The situation being so serious, it is high time that we took effective measures to tackle this problem. In this issue, researchers, scholars, and experts are expected to work out up-to-date solution to moral lack. We can tack an education campaign to inform people the importance of traditional virtues. Only in reasonable, prosperous and healthy atmosphere can we hope to witness the ideal scene in which people can enjoy the life in a harmonious society.
作者: govycm 时间: 13-10-20 12:51
重在参与。改正错误，继续努力
作者: 子书十二 时间: 13-10-20 13:26
本帖最后由 子书十二 于 2013-10-20 14:00 编辑
At the given cartoon, there are four people; an old man, a pregnant woman and a little girl are standing in the bus while a young man with a sun glass on his face, pretending blind, is sitting on the seat comfortably.
Apparently, such kind of situation are happening all the time nowadays, especially when the rush time is coming. Working-man has much higher pressure, much less sleeping hour, and much longer distance between workplace and home, so they naturally prefer having the seat, not sending it away, no matter who need it more actually. On the other side, some people have this sort of simple view that “who got the seat first, who have it, no change.”
Personally, I hold this opinion that when we confront situation like that, it depends conditionally. If it is a woman who is carrying a baby, it definitely is necessary to let her rest. If it is an old person who only needs one station to stay on the bus, or if it is a kid who has the ability to stand steadily, I would agree that the workman don’t need to give the seat away. It is not only about the virtue, it has the fairness concerned as well.
求改文。
谢谢！
辛苦了！
作者: arthashao 时间: 13-10-20 17:16
govycm 发表于 2013-10-20 10:10 
我又来了，还是期待老师的批改。
The picture features that a young man who acts as a blin ...
你是听何凯文的课的吧，看你的这两篇文章都好有他的风格啊。
作者: govycm 时间: 13-10-20 17:31
本帖最后由 govycm 于 2013-10-23 23:50 编辑
arthashao 发表于 2013-10-20 17:16
你是听何凯文的课的吧，看你的这两篇文章都好有他的风格啊。
。
作者: 令十九 时间: 13-10-20 19:55
In the above drawing,there are four passengers in the crowed bus.The "blind"man is sitting in his seat ,while the pregnant woman,the old man and the children are standing aside and helpless.
This cartoon obviously reveals that individual morality is declining in more and more prosperous and modern society.There are three causes that led to this phenomenon.Firstly,people care about material life rather than spiritual life in the progress of modernization.What's more,there is a wrong world view-every man for himself the devil take the hindmest,in the society.Thirdly,in a way,the lack of morality is related with the government poor regulstion.
As the low citizen morality may bring about a series of bad effects in our normal life,it's urgent to solve the problem.To start with,we must improve personal social responsibility.With the improvement of individual morality,people will be less selfish and more concerned about others.In addition,strengthening the government guidance is a important part in building resident morality.Through everyone's effort,I think this phenomenon will be less and less.
第一次写，可能很没有逻辑，还是贴上来了。
作者: arthashao 时间: 13-10-20 20:55
本帖最后由 arthashao 于 2013-11-6 13:56 编辑
govycm 发表于 2013-10-20 17:31
这都被发现了。不过我感觉跟着他还可以。考场上至少还是有写的。我之前的作文可不会写的。你听的谁 ...
他的课和王江涛的课我都听了，
作者: 子书十二 时间: 13-10-21 08:15
我觉得不写不知道，一写吓一跳
感觉背了10篇文章，好像别人写的文也就是那个样子啊
自己一写，天啊，各种不通顺，各种错误，各种表达乱用
改来改去，改来改去，也只能改个自己看得见的错误
所以，互相改文，我觉得太有必要了
作者: Drift547 时间: 13-10-21 22:59
It goes without saying that this picture aims at revealing a current social problem: the sense of morality in our society is declining. In the picture, a young man arrounded by the pregnant woman, the elder and the little child sits on a seat as a temporary blind person without considered the others need.
Numerous factors have contributed to these phenomena. On the one hand, with the development of the economy and society, people who pay great attention to the deterioration of ethic, became fewer and fewer, thus immoral behavior became prevalent. On the other hand, responsibility, which is one of the greatest virtues of the Chinese nation, has been neglected for a long time. In addition,there is no sufficient laws to prohibit such immoral action.
To curb these evil phenomena, much can be done.Relative laws and regulations should be enacted to punish immoral behaviors. A wide-rangeing and deep-going educational campaign must be launched to enhance the sense of morality. We adult should set a good example to the young. Only in these ways can we live in a healthy world.
写了一晚上，希望能给俺批改一下哦！！
作者: 五妖妖 时间: 13-10-22 13:37
本帖最后由 五妖妖 于 2013-10-22 18:14 编辑
请老师批改~谢谢
第一段As is shown in the above,on the bus seat sits a young man,pretending to be blind by bonding a black bandage on his eyes,despite of all the people standing around him consist of a pregnant woman,an old man and a little girl whose really need to sit down while the bus is driving.As simple as the picture is,the symbolic meaning is as deep as ocean.
第二段The drawing shows us the phenomenon of morality decline which is prevailing in modern society.Many people fail to consider other individuals’ need especially the vulnerable groups,caring only themselves,feeling no ashamed of it.First of all,the past decades has witnessed a huge development in the economy,bringing some problems at the same time,with the decline of morality being the foremost.Last but not least,the quality-oriented education has not been paid sufficient attention.
第三段The morality has always been high valued in traditional Chinese culture.As an old Chinese proverb says,treat the old as your parents,take care of the young as your children.That's such a beautiful virtue that should be reserved carefully and handed down age by age.
作者: govycm 时间: 13-10-22 13:51
子书十二 发表于 2013-10-21 08:15
我觉得不写不知道，一写吓一跳
感觉背了10篇文章，好像别人写的文也就是那个样子啊
自己一写，天啊，各种 ...
大家水平都差不多。各种错误
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-22 15:27
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-22 15:43 编辑
arthashao 发表于 2013-10-19 18:02 
Nowadays, there seem to be a tendency of breaking moralities prevailing in our society. Just a ...
写作原文
Nowadays, there seem（seems） to be a tendency of breaking moralities (break作“违反”意讲时，后面跟的是法律、协议、承诺等;且morality作“道德准则”讲时不可数，作“道德体系”讲时可数。改为violating moral codes较合适) prevailing in our society. Just as the cartoon depicts, in the bus crowded with passengers, a “blind” person, who is actually healthy, is sitting on the seat which is provided for special populations, with an old man, a child and a pregnant woman aside and helpless.
The progress of ethics is an indicator of the level of civilization in a society. Apparently, the situation in the picture above, to some extent, hinders this advance and may bring about a serious effect on our moral life. Such a moral degradation has been common in the modern life. Food businessmen can add illegal and toxic ingredients into food that we eat everyday in order to reduce the cost and gain more profits. Passersby no longer help the elder who falls on the way and waits someone to offer assistance, because they are afraid to be viewed as the accident makers. Were the trend to continue as it is, people would live under the shadow of deception and suspicion.
It’s urgent for us to make efforts to bridge the ethical gap. First and foremost, morality-concerned curriculums should occur in the primary schools, which help children to cultivate conscience and goodness.(此句最好表达为：morality-concerned curriculums，which help children to cultivate conscience and goodness，should occur in the primary schools.以免使人产生“which是指代前面整个句子，因此help应使用单三形式”的误解。) In addition, those who are deaf to the ethics must be punished and accused in order to alarm people not to try to violate these holy regulations.
总体点评
文章保持了作者之前的行文特色，内容充实，衔接良好：
1. 文章主体部分围绕一个中心举例描述，并且举例很贴切，又紧扣话题，这是考研英语作文扩充内容的一个很好的方法。
2. 文章第二段依然采用很好的“语义衔接”。先说明“道德进步是社会文明的指向标”，用副词Apparently引出“图述行为阻碍了进步并带来严重后果”的转折，之后说明“此现象很普遍”，然后列举了两个与话题关系紧密的社会道德热点问题，接着说“如若此类现象继续，则……”。文章的思路很清晰，同时内容也很充实。
3. 此外，作者相对于上篇文章，在第一段开门见山提出现象，然后再描述图片，这一点也较好。
作者需注意细节问题：
1. 主谓应该保持一致，there seem to be a tendency…
2. 遣词造句应该更加严谨一些，在写之前仔细斟酌，以免引起不必要的争议。
总之，作者的语法基础和写作功底都很好，应更加仔细，写完后检查几遍，尤其是在“主谓一致/动词的单复数”与“名词的单复数”等容易因为粗心而导致错误的细节方面。
参考分数（满分20分）：15
考研1号编辑部
2013年10月22日
作者: arthashao 时间: 13-10-22 15:55
govycm 发表于 2013-10-22 13:51
大家水平都差不多。各种错误
呵呵，我把他们两的风格都糅合起来了，还加了自己的独创的东西进去
作者: govycm 时间: 13-10-22 16:18
arthashao 发表于 2013-10-22 15:55
呵呵，我把他们两的风格都糅合起来了，还加了自己的独创的东西进去
牛气
作者: miel 时间: 13-10-22 17:27
arthashao 发表于 2013-10-20 20:55
他的课和王江涛的课我都听了，感觉何凯文的比较实用，但是王江涛的那套方法如果好好运用，可以受益终生
弱弱的问一下，怎么可以听他们的作文课？···或者买他们的书比较好？初次考研，英语又差，求指点啊大神~
作者: 五妖妖 时间: 13-10-22 18:12
govycm 发表于 2013-10-20 17:31
这都被发现了。不过我感觉跟着他还可以。考场上至少还是有写的。我之前的作文可不会写的。你听的谁 ...
看出来了。。都是跟着何凯文的弟兄。。那一句development in the economy的万能句我也用了
我作文底子差，要好好练呢
作者: 五妖妖 时间: 13-10-22 18:20
arthashao 发表于 2013-10-22 15:55
呵呵，我把他们两的风格都糅合起来了，还加了自己的独创的东西进去
写得很好呢！内容很有深度一点也不空洞，要向牛人好好学习！
我是该改改行文泛泛的毛病了，总是带着应试的感觉写，思维太窄了。
作者: arthashao 时间: 13-10-22 22:16
miel 发表于 2013-10-22 17:27
弱弱的问一下，怎么可以听他们的作文课？···或者买他们的书比较好？初次考研，英语又差，求指点啊大神 ...
这个论坛的下载区就有各个机构的视频，至于书的话，我推荐何凯文的那本《考研英语写作高分策略》
作者: 水月龙灵 时间: 13-10-22 22:49
arthashao 发表于 2013-10-22 22:16
这个论坛的下载区就有各个机构的视频，至于书的话，我推荐何凯文的那本《考研英语写作高分策略》
大神，你这个作文水平有点狠
作者: govycm 时间: 13-10-22 23:53
五妖妖 发表于 2013-10-22 18:12
看出来了。。都是跟着何凯文的弟兄。。那一句development in the economy的万能句我也用了
我作文 ...
考场上能写出来，我就知足了
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-23 13:20
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-23 13:25 编辑
govycm 发表于 2013-10-20 10:10
我又来了，还是期待老师的批改。
The picture features that a young man who acts as a blin ...
写作原文
The picture features that a young man who acts as a blind people sits at（改为on, sit at表示“坐在……旁边”，如sit at the computer “坐在电脑前”）the seat which is prepared for the special group,among which are the elderly,pregnant women, children, and the like. There has been a heated discussion about the picture in the newspaper recently. The author’s real purpose is not the fact itself, but to lead us to find the hides （hide作名词指“（观看野生动物）隐蔽处、藏身处；皮、毛皮”，且后面已经使用behind…,因此改为meaning）behind the ice berg.
The picture does reveal that lack of moral（moral作名词“品行，道德”时，一般用复数形式morals）is not only harmful, but also damaging. The past decade has witnessed a huge development in economy, bringing some problems at the same time, with the above one is （being）the foremost. What’s more, the public fail to attach due attention to the traditional moral value. Respecting the elderly and taking care of the young is our tradition virtues in our country. Unfortunately，some people neglect our traditional virtues , which is worse（没有表示对比，因此改为adverse较好）to our society.
The situation being so serious, it is high time that we took effective measures to tackle this problem. In this issue, researchers, scholars, and experts are expected to work out up-to-date solution to moral lack. We can tack an education campaign to inform people the importance of traditional virtues. Only in reasonable, prosperous and healthy atmosphere can we hope to witness the ideal scene in which people can enjoy the life in a harmonious society.
总体点评
相对于上一期活动“山寨文化”一文而言，本文内容相对有了很大的改善，但是：
1. 文章的模板痕迹还是很重：
诸如“There has been a heated discussion about the picture in the newspaper recently.” “The past decade has witnessed a huge development in economy, bringing some problems at the same time, with the above one being the foremost.”“ What’s more, the public fail to attach due attention…”……之类的句子，它们本身而言的确是很好的表达，但是倘若人人都是这样写的，可想阅卷老师的心情。第一次见比较新鲜，得分会比较高，但是看到大量类似的表达结果只会适得其反。还有这句“but to lead us to find the hides behind the ice berg”出现的错误应该是修改模板“but to lead us to find what hides behind the ice berg”所致。
2. 注意细节方面：①同一不及物动词后面跟不同介词的区别，如sit at与sit on；②如果没有明显的表示对比，则最好不要使用比较级。
3. 注意一个单词含有多个词性或一个词性包含多个意思时形式、用法等细微的差别。
因此，由于套用模板作文，本文的语法问题不是很多，行文整体也比较流畅，但是内容还是稍微有点空泛。套用模板是一种比较保险的办法，能改够避免一些语法及表达错误，但是建议作者在平时练习写作的时候，最好还是先自己作文，可以借鉴一些好的表达，但是一篇文章中最好不要出现太多模板句子。只有亲自写了，才能发现自身存在的问题，针对问题，有所提高。加油，祝你考研成功！
参考分数（满分20分）：11
考研1号编辑部
2013年 10月23日
作者: 水月龙灵 时间: 13-10-23 14:23
考研1号编辑部 发表于 2013-10-23 13:20
写作原文 The picture features that a young man who acts as a blind people sits at（改为on, s ...
小F有进步
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-23 15:05
水月龙灵 发表于 2013-10-23 14:23
小F有进步
只要找到自己的问题所在，并用心改正，一定会有进步，并且会逐步提升的[t:12]
作者: 水月龙灵 时间: 13-10-23 15:12
考研1号编辑部 发表于 2013-10-23 15:05
只要找到自己的问题所在，并用心改正，一定会有进步，并且会逐步提升的
当年自己考研的时候，辅导班老师给我改了一次我大概知道自己什么水平了。对了，方便的话可以上传扫描版的答题卡给小朋友看看么？
作者: govycm 时间: 13-10-23 15:39
水月龙灵 发表于 2013-10-23 14:23
小F有进步
作者: govycm 时间: 13-10-23 15:41
arthashao 发表于 2013-10-19 18:02
Nowadays, there seem to be a tendency of breaking moralities prevailing in our society. Just a ...
牛气，满分的赶脚啊
作者: miel 时间: 13-10-23 16:52
arthashao 发表于 2013-10-22 22:16
这个论坛的下载区就有各个机构的视频，至于书的话，我推荐何凯文的那本《考研英语写作高分策略》
[a:40]感谢大神~小的回去好好修炼。祝你考研成功！[r:1]
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-23 17:12
水月龙灵 发表于 2013-10-23 15:12
当年自己考研的时候，辅导班老师给我改了一次我大概知道自己什么水平了。对了，方便的话可以上传扫描版的 ...
今年的考研英语大纲相对去年的变化之一就是：试卷包括试题册和1张答题卡。以前说是两张答题卡，现在是合二为一，即翻译写作和选择题在一张答题卡上。考研1号提醒特别大家在考场上填写相关信息时需要注意，不要涂错位置。
因为新的考题还未出来，新的答题卡也不得而知。所以上传旧版的答题卡供小朋友们可以看看喽！[t:11] [attach]289384[/attach]
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-23 17:18
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-23 17:21 编辑
子书十二 发表于 2013-10-20 13:26
At the given cartoon, there are four people; an old man, a pregnant woman and a little girl are ...
写作原文
At the given cartoon, there are four people：an old man, a pregnantwoman and a little girl are standing in the bus while a young man with a sun glass (a pair of sunglasses) on his face, pretending blind, is sitting on the seatcomfortably.
Apparently, such kind of situation are（主谓不一致，把are改为is，或把situation改为situations）happening all the timenowadays, especially when the rush time is coming. Working-man has（用复数Working men have,与后面的they保持一致） much higherpressure, much less sleeping hour（hours）, and much longerdistance between workplace and home, so they naturally prefer having the seat, not sending (改为to sending或rather than send较好) it away, no matter who need it more actually. On the other side,some people have this sort of simple view that “who got (get) the seat first, who have it, no change.”(中式思维，可改为those who get the seat first will have it all the way whatever happens.)
Personally, I hold this opinion that when we confront situation (a situation或situations) like that, it depends conditionally（what we should do depends on the paticular facts）. If it is a woman who is carrying a baby, it definitely is necessary (注意语序，it is definitely necessary) to let her rest. If it is an old person who only needs one stationto stay on the bus, or if it is a kid who has the ability to stand steadily, Iwould agree that the workman don’t need to give the seat away. It is not only about the virtue, it has the fairness concerned（fairness should be concerned）as well.
总体点评
本文最大的优点在于作者能够站在年轻人的角度，用辩证的眼光来思考这个问题，而不是人云亦云地一味批评此行为。此外，文章总体而言表达相对较好，需注意以下几个问题：
1. 文章有的地方出现了语法错误：其一，主谓不一致，situation are；其二，该使用可数名词复数的地方用了单数，如less sleeping hour；其三，前后指代不一致，Working-man has…so they；其四，副词在句中的位置，it definitely is necessary……等。作者在以后的写作中应注意避免出现类似的问题。
2. 文章有的表达受到汉语的影响，写出来的句子是中式思维的句子，who got (get)the seat first, who have it, no change. 这是大多数考生都会出现的问题。这一点需从两方面进行提高：第一，在写作时不要先想汉语意思，然后再翻译成英语，而尽量用英语思考；第二，在空闲时间多读一些外刊与欧美名著等，在大量阅读中提升自己的英语思维能力。
总之，作者在遇到一个话题时能够认真透彻地思考，形成自己的见解，这一点非常好。需要注意的就是巩固相关的语法知识，并逐渐提升自己的英语思维，使表达更地道。
参考分数（满分20分）：11
考研1号编辑部
2013年 10月23日
作者: 五妖妖 时间: 13-10-23 20:15
考研1号编辑部 发表于 2013-10-23 17:18
写作原文 At the given cartoon, there are four people：an old man, a pregnantwoman ...
老师老师老师，能批改到我的吗？提交得有点晚每天都来瞄一眼
最近很担心作文这块呢
请老师帮忙批改~~~
作者: govycm 时间: 13-10-23 23:53
考研1号编辑部 发表于 2013-10-23 17:12
今年的考研英语大纲相对去年的变化之一就是：试卷包括试题册和1张答题卡。以前说是两张答题卡，现在是合二 ...
谢谢老师了~
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-24 08:37
五妖妖 发表于 2013-10-23 20:15
老师老师老师，能批改到我的吗？提交得有点晚每天都来瞄一眼
最近很担心作文这块呢
请老师帮忙批 ...
会批改到的，请耐心等待。你也不用过于担心作文，只要练习到位，找出自己存在的问题，认真改正，肯定会有提高，加油！
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-24 11:48
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-24 12:57 编辑
令十九 发表于 2013-10-20 19:55
In the above drawing,there are four passengers in the crowed bus.The "blind"man is sitting in ...
写作原文
In the above drawing,there are four passengers in the crowed bus.The"blind"man is sitting in （改为on，sit in常表示“旁听、列席”等意，表示“坐”时侧重指人或物整体能被包围在所坐的物体上）his seat ,while the pregnant woman,the old man and the children are standing aside and helpless.
This cartoon obviously reveals that individual morality is declining in more and more prosperous and modern society.There are three causes that led(lead,描述现象和问题的原因时，如果没有明显的时间声明，一般使用现在时态) to this phenomenon.Firstly,people care about material life rather than spiritual life in the progress of modernization.What's more,there is a wrong world view—every man for himself（加，and）the devil take（takes）the hindmest(hindmost),in the society.Thirdly,in a way,the lack of morality is related with the government (government’s)poor regulstion(regulation).
As the low citizen morality may bring about a series of bad effects in our normal life,it's urgent（如果改为of great urgence, 表达效果会好一些，用“be of+名词”结构替代形容词是一个很好的语言润色方式）to solve theproblem.To start with,we must improve personal social responsibility.With the improvement of individual morality,people will be less selfish and more concerned about others.In addition,strengthening the government guidance is a (an) important part in building resident（residents’）morality.Through everyone's effort,I think this phenomenon will be less and less(加上in the near future较好).
总体点评
本文的优点在于内容较好：
文章第二段采用描述问题产生原因的思路进行构思，分别从个人、世界观（社会风气）和政府三方面来说明原因；第三段是提出建议措施，从个人和政府两方面分别说明。思路清晰，内容充实。
需注意以下几个问题：
1. 文章有语法问题：其一，动词的时态使用不恰当，Thereare three causes that led；其二，主谓不一致，the devil take；其三，名词所有格未掌握好，如with the government poor regulstion；其四，不定冠词a与an的使用混淆，该用an的时候用了a，a important part。作者一方面应该细心，另一方面应注意自己是否有语法知识疏漏。
2. 与之前一位考生一样，作者也需注意区别同一个不及物动词后跟不同介词的用法。
3. 注意断句，every man for himself（加，and）the devil…
4. 文章有几处单词拼写错误，作者需细心，写完后检查几遍，同时加强单词记忆。
总之，作者的行文构思以及文章的内容方面都没有问题，需注意一些语法及单词拼写问题。此外，应注意斟酌语意，使表达趋于精准与完善。加油，你一定能写出更好的文章！
参考分数（满分20分）：12
考研1号编辑部
2013年 10月24日
作者: 子书十二 时间: 13-10-24 12:24
考研1号编辑部 发表于 2013-10-23 17:18
写作原文 At the given cartoon, there are four people：an old man, a pregnantwoman ...
唉~一看错的地方就想撞墙了，都好简单的错误，总是不容易察觉啊！
写作思维这事儿吧，唉，还是记得太少~
我会继续努力的
作者: 黑眼圈olivia 时间: 13-10-24 17:53
本帖最后由 黑眼圈olivia 于 2013-10-24 18:00 编辑
Is it possible that a healthy young man is blind to things he see? That is strange phenomenon which we can see from drawing above. In this picture, a healthy young man sits a seat with a clear conscience and "blind" eyes where there are a child ,a pregnant woman, and an old who actually need this seat standing around. What this picture conveys is clear and loud that the public morality is declining.
The painful phenomenon can be caused by many reasons, but first and foremost is lack of morality in such prosperous economy. People ,especially the young generation ,concentrate on money-making, and ignore the importance of morality in our daily life. Consequently, we can see news against our noble trandition----respect the old and care the young every day .With morality declining and egoism prevailing , more and more social problems come out and raise our attention.
The level of morality of citizens is a significant element for social stability and prosperity. Therefore, advance the moral sense is the prior task in social civilization construction .We should take some measures such as cultivate goodness and ethic in young generation, punish people against the public morality.
看了前面几个同学的，突然感觉我的文章内容空洞无物···怎么办··
作者: 五妖妖 时间: 13-10-24 19:28
考研1号编辑部 发表于 2013-10-24 08:37
会批改到的，请耐心等待。你也不用过于担心作文，只要练习到位，找出自己存在的问题，认真改正，肯定 ...
好的，我会加油，谢谢老师的鼓励！！~
作者: 令十九 时间: 13-10-25 00:47
考研1号编辑部 发表于 2013-10-24 11:48
写作原文 In the above drawing,there are four passengers in the crowed bus.The"blin ...
太谢谢您了，我会继续加油的！
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-25 09:13
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-25 09:17 编辑
Drift547 发表于 2013-10-21 22:59
It goes without saying that this picture aims at revealing a current social problem: the sense of mo ...
写作原文
It goes without saying that this picture aims at revealing a current social problem: the sense of morality in our society is declining. In thepicture, a young man arrounded（surrounded）by the pregnant woman,the elder and the little child sits on a seat as a temporary (改为temporarily，“临时”修饰的是blind,而不是person) blind person without considered(considering，without在此为介词，后跟动名词、名词等) the others（others’）need.
Numerous factors have contributed to these phenomena. On the onehand, with the development of the economy and （加the）society, people who pay great attention to the deterioration of ethic ,（逗号去掉）became（is becoming，在描述图片、现象，说明原因等之时，如果没有具体的时间限制，一般使用相应的现在时态，此处用现在进行时最为合适）fewer and fewer, thus immoral behavior（最好用复数behaviors） became（应使用相应的现在时态，且为了避免与上句用词重复，改为have been较好) prevalent. On the other hand, responsibility, which is one of thegreatest virtues of the Chinese nation, has been neglected for a long time. In addition,there is no sufficient laws to prohibit such immoral action (用复数actions较好).
To curb these evil phenomena, much can be done.Relative laws andregulations should be enacted to punish immoral behaviors. A wide-rangeing（wide-ranging）and deep-going educational campaign must be launched to enhance the sense of morality. We adult (adults) should set a good example to the young. Only in these ways can we live in a healthy world.
总体点评
本文与楼上令十九的行文思路一样，也是采用“说明现象—阐述现象原因—罗列建议措施”的方式作文。文章相对而言比较饱满，内容紧扣主题。
需注意以下几个问题：
1. 文章有语法问题，主要是：其一，词语词性使用错误，需区分副词修饰形容词、形容词修饰名词与多个形容词共同修饰同一名词，如a temporary blind person；其二，介词后所跟成分不清，without considered；其三，名词所有格未掌握，the others need；其四，时态的选择把握不好；其五，同位语前后不一致，We adult。同样的，作者应清楚是粗心所致还是语法知识未掌握好的原因，对症下药。
2. 文章第二段在阐述现象原因的时候，有的原因列举不是很合适，如作者提到responsibility，责任与道德并不是所属的关系，责任感缺失并不能直接推断出其道德亦缺失；作者也提到了另一个原因——没有相应的法律来阻止此行为，需清楚道德与法律是互补的关系，在当代社会，道德方面的问题不应也不能通过法律手段来解决。
3. 注意形近、义近词语的辨析，如around与surround的区别。
4. 文章有单词拼写错误，同时反映出作者动词变为现在分词的相关知识未掌握好，尤其应该注意一些特殊变化。
因此，作者不仅应注意语法和单词问题，在组织文章的内容方面更应该严谨，不仅要有内容，而且应使行文逻辑清晰、合理。发现问题是解决问题的基础，只要作者针对自己的问题努力改正，一定能写出更好的文章，加油！
参考分数（满分20分）：10
考研1号编辑部
2013年 10月25日
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-25 09:29
子书十二 发表于 2013-10-24 12:24
唉~一看错的地方就想撞墙了，都好简单的错误，总是不容易察觉啊！
写作思维这事儿吧，唉，还是记得太少~ ...
如果作者所犯的错误别人一点就明，但自己难以发现，这说明两个问题：第一，不够细心，写完后没有多加检查；第二，知识点都清楚，但是没有掌握牢靠。你可以把自己常易出错的地方总结在一起，隔段时间拿来看看，一是巩固相关的知识点；二是提醒自己这些地方容易出错，以后写的时候多加留意。
写作思维是大多数考生都有的问题，这一点需要长时间的大量阅读来提升。
所以，现在需要做的就是发现自己的薄弱之处，有针对地慢慢改善，再细心一点儿，逐渐消灭错误，加油
作者: 子书十二 时间: 13-10-25 09:38
考研1号编辑部 发表于 2013-10-25 09:29
如果作者所犯的错误别人一点就明，但自己难以发现，这说明两个问题：第一，不够细心，写完后没有多加检 ...
嗯嗯，低级错误的出现实在不应该。要好好总结。
而且，最近我发现我最大的毛病就是“快”，做题太快，写文也太快，可是太快的结果就是正确率降低。
我得把握好时间，不能太快，不能浮躁。
回头检查的时间真的不如一次性做对。
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-25 13:16
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-25 13:22 编辑
五妖妖 发表于 2013-10-22 13:37
请老师批改~谢谢
第一段As is shown in the above,on the bus seat sits a young man,pretending to be ...
写作原文
As is shown in the above（缺少成分，可改为in the above picture,这里above是形容词；也可改为in the picture above,这里above作副词）, on the bus seat sits a young man,pretending to be blind by bonding a black bandage on his eyes,despite of all the people standing around him consist of（despite of后面应该跟名词词组、动名词词组等，不能跟简单句。而consist是谓语动词，这样一来后面就是个句子。因此改为consisting of/ which consist of ，或改为including）a pregnant woman,an old man and a littlegirl whose （无所属关系，用who，作need to的主语）really need to sit down while the bus is driving.As simple (去掉as, 改为Simple。此处是后面的连词as引导让步状语从句的倒装。而“as…as”结构中，前一个as 是副词，表示“同样地”，后一个as可以是连词接名词、动名词，也可以是连词接从句) as the picture is,the symbolic meaning is as deep as ocean.
The drawing shows us the phenomenon of morality（moral）decline which is prevailing in modern society.Many people fail to consider other individuals’ need especially the vulnerable groups（groups’,此处应与individuals’平行）,caring only (加for) themselves,feeling no ashamed (shame, no后面应跟名词，而ashamed是形容词) of it.First of all,the past decades has（主谓不一致，前面用的是复数decades,改为have）witnessed a huge development in the economy,bringing some problems at the same time,with the decline of morality being the foremost.Last but not least,the quality-oriented education has not been paid sufficient attention.
The morality has always been high（highly，副词修饰动词）valued intraditional Chinese culture.As an old Chinese proverb says,“Treatthe old as your parents,take care of the young as your children”.That's such a beautiful virtue that should be reserved carefully and handed down age byage.
总体点评
本文的优点在于使用倒装句、定语从句等句式使文章显得语法结构丰富，且句子长短结合，错落有致；末段引用了一句中国古语，很好地传达出作者的观点。
需注意以下几个问题：
1. 文章有语法问题，主要是：其一，句子缺少成分，Asis shown in the above，这应该是作者不细心所致；其二，despite of后跟成分不清，despite of allthe people standing around him consist of；其三，定语从句的引导词混用/who与whose区分不清，whose reallyneed to；其四，as的用法未掌握；其五，词语的词性不清，morality decline，feeling no ashamed of it ，has always been high valued；其六，主谓不一致，the past decades has。作者应该细心，同时注意加强自己的语法基础。
2. 文章第二段也出现了模板句子the past decades has witnessed ahuge development in the economy,bringing some problems at the same time,withthe decline of morality being the foremost。在咱第二期活动中即出现了两个完全一样的表达，可想而知，全国有多少人都在使用这些模板，阅卷老师对此应不会手下留情。模板的特色是表达很好却没有实际内容，建议考生不要一味模仿，要有自己的创新。
3. 文章第一段使用了一个长句，这一点应该是值得鼓励的。但是，这个长句却出现了两处语法错误。在文章的开篇，最好不要出现类似语法错误、单词拼写等低级错误，这直接影响了文章的印象分数。因此，在文章开篇最好写自己有把握能写好写对的句子，如若要写长句，一定要多加检查。
总之，从文章整体来看，作者的语法基础不是很差，需注意细心与查漏补缺，逐渐消灭自己文章中的语法错误。并注意，尽量不要使用一看即知且很多人都同时使用的模板句子，有内容可写，就写出自己的特色！
有付出就有收获，加油，你一定能写出更好的文章！
参考分数（满分20分）：9
考研1号编辑部
2013年 10月25日
作者: 五妖妖 时间: 13-10-25 15:34
考研1号编辑部 发表于 2013-10-25 13:16
写作原文 As is shown in the above（缺少成分，可改为in the above picture,这里above是 ...
谢谢老师的批改和指正！~还有鼓励~
学到了很多！
我要仔细消化，努力提高作文水平
作者: 五妖妖 时间: 13-10-25 15:40
五妖妖 发表于 2013-10-25 15:34
谢谢老师的批改和指正！~还有鼓励~
学到了很多！
我要仔细消化，努力提高作文水平
粗心的地方是有的，simple as，who，shame，highly都是老师指正后马上就有“哎呀这里懂的不该错”的感觉
但是despite of 后面跟consist那里的结构是一点也不懂^_^ 还好现在明白了
获益良多~~~~~~~~
作者: 独孤悠 时间: 13-10-25 16:23
拖了好几天，写得好混乱
What would you do? There is a bus in the picture, which is crowded with passengers, an old man, a child and a pregnant mother are standing. A young guy who don’t want offer his seat to others, pretend to be a blind man. This is vividly implication of the social problem of decline of moral.
In different cultures, respect elder and younger is an important part of moral. Our country always put moral in an important position. But, as the society becomes more and more money-oriented, some people’s moral sense turns dramatically downgrading. For one thing, money maybe a foremost factor. Merchants with “black heart” have “black” productions in order to acquire more money. For another thing, the effect of culture has fall. People do everything they want without think about others. The virtue has become a past thing.
Hence, we have to take some helpful measures to avoid the phenomenon mentioned above. In the school, we could enhance students’ moral education, who are the future of ours country. Public service advertising is a helpful measures. Development of the moral is not a short-time thing that need work hard for a long time. Only in this way, the life may become more harmony which like as we wishes.
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-25 17:01
五妖妖 发表于 2013-10-25 15:40
粗心的地方是有的，simple as，who，shame，highly都是老师指正后马上就有“哎呀这里懂的不该错”的感觉
...
能够对你有帮助，我感到很欣慰。也谢谢你对我们活动的支持，期待在后面的活动里再看到你的作文与进步！加油[t:12]
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-25 17:02
子书十二 发表于 2013-10-25 09:38
嗯嗯，低级错误的出现实在不应该。要好好总结。
而且，最近我发现我最大的毛病就是“快”，做题太快，写 ...
嗯，细心很重要，同时也要把握好时间。合理分配每个题型所需花费的时间，有时候会达到事半功倍的效果，加油哦！
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-25 17:06
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-25 17:15 编辑
黑眼圈olivia 发表于 2013-10-24 17:53
Is it possible that a healthy young man is blind to things he see? That is strange phenomenon w ...
写作原文
Is it possible that a healthy young man is blind to things he see?That is （加a）strange phenomenon which we can see from (加the) drawing above. In this picture, a healthy young man sits (加on) a seat with a clear conscience and "blind" eyes where there are（is，there be句型“就近一致”） a child ,a pregnant woman, and an old (加man，需细心) who actually need this seat standing around. What this pictureconveys is clear and loud that the public morality is declining.
（第一段点评：文章先采用一个疑问句来引出图画，然后再用一个长句来仔细描述图画，最后一句说明图画反应的现象。不仅思路非常清晰，而且疑问句的使用跳出了千篇一律的As is vividly depicted…和The picture demonstrates…句型，比较有新意。）
The painful phenomenon can be caused by many reasons, but first andforemost is lack of morality in such prosperous economy. People ,especially the young generation ,concentrate on money-making,and ignore the importance of morality in our daily life. Consequently, we can see news against our noble trandition—“respect the old and care (加for) the young” every day .With morality declining and egoism prevailing , more and more social problems come out and raise our attention.
（第二段点评：本文主体部分通过“描述现象原因”来展开。但是，现象是“道德滑坡”，作者分析导致此现象最重要的原因是lack of morality—“道德缺失”，就好像是把 “猫”叫做“咪”，只是换了一种说法。其实，作者应该想表达“道德感缺失”，只是表达不够精准。后面用一个副词 Consequently 来指出金钱至上的后果，衔接很好。不过，第三句提到news against our noble trandition，第四句说的是more and more social problems，这两者其实是同一方面。因此，文章第二段的内容不够充实。其实，既然提到了news against our noble trandition和socialproblems ，作者可以列举一些例子比如“扶老人过街”等社会热议现象来充实自己的文章内容。）
The level of morality of citizens is a significant element for social stability and prosperity. Therefore, advance (advancing,动名词短语作主语) the moral sense is the prior task in social（改为the spiritual表意更精准）civilization construction .We should take some measures such as cultivate（cultivating）goodness and ethic in young generation, punish （punishing）people against the public morality.
（第三段点评：文章先指出道德对于社会的意义重大，然后说明提高道德感的重要性，后面列举如何提高道德感，思路清晰，条理分明。不足之处在于：作者只是蜻蜓点水似的提出建议措施，跟第二段一样，内容不够殷实。）
总体点评
本文的优点在于作者行文思路十分清晰，很有条理，需注意三方面：
1. 文章有语法问题：不定冠词和定冠词的使用，不及物动词后面介词的缺失，there be 句型，能够做句子主语的成分不清，such as后所跟成分错误。
2. 文章有些地方表意不是很精准。
3.文章的内容有待充实。
总之，作者的行文构思能力很好，逻辑十分清晰。语法基础不错，应注意细节方面的语法点。今后需着重努力的地方在于文章的内容方面，在写之前可以在脑海中进行“头脑风暴”，快速联想所有跟话题有关的内容，之后筛选重要和有用的信息，写到自己的文章里。只要努力，一定能写出好的文章，加油！
参考分数（满分20分）：11
考研1号编辑部
2013年 10月25日
作者: 黑眼圈olivia 时间: 13-10-25 17:27
考研1号编辑部 发表于 2013-10-25 17:06
写作原文 Is it possible that a healthy young man is blind to things he see?That is ...
谢谢！！
写完之后也发现自己的内容不充实，感觉是一个句子在绕着说，看不出什么内容，会争取改进。
果然小错误还是很多，写的时候就一溜过去了。
我也买了考研一号的书，感觉老师改的很仔细，评价的很中肯，提出的修改意见也很好
希望多开几期活动，我也会一直参加的！！
作者: 水月龙灵 时间: 13-10-25 18:32
黑眼圈olivia 发表于 2013-10-25 17:27
谢谢！！
写完之后也发现自己的内容不充实，感觉是一个句子在绕着说，看不出什么内容，会争取改进 ...
屌丝加油。
作者: 悠弥北北 时间: 13-10-26 00:57
本帖最后由 悠弥北北 于 2013-10-26 11:01 编辑
很不好意思，都要出下一周了我才把前一周的作文发上来，不知道还能不能批改了，辛苦老师啦~如果能批改的话非常感谢啦~！As is shown above, in the middle of the picture and on the seat firmly sits ahealthy youngster, who pretend himself as a blind person, with a lot of peoplehang on the handrail around him, among which are little children, pregnantwoman and old men or women. With the caption reading that blind for a shorttime. How ironical it is! The primary purpose of the pictures above is that dueattention should be paid to the decline of moral standards.
Thethought-provoking drawing mirrors a common yet regrettable phenomenon incontemporary society that there are an increasing number of uncivilizedbehaviors followed with economic improvement. In some extent, these issuesimplied moral decline and the goal of achieving a harmonious society may fall through under the negative influence of it. Xiao Yueyue, for instance, who wasknocked down by a running-away car, helplessly died around the citizens, but noone was willing to give her a little rescue. That is an authentic portrayal ofthe moral decline in whole society!
Toomany painful example tell us, it is high time that we paid adequate attentionto this issue. Though the government has made efforts to conduct vigorouspropaganda of positive spirit, lasting change can only be effected byourselves. Only in a friendly, united atmosphere, can we hope to witness theideal scene in which people can enjoy their life to the uttermost.
[attach]289680[/attach]
辛苦老师啦~太感谢了！
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-26 11:18
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-26 11:25 编辑
独孤悠 发表于 2013-10-25 16:23
拖了好几天，写得好混乱
What would you do? There is a bus in the picture, which is crowded with pass ...
写作原文
What would you do?There is a bus in the picture, which is crowded with passengers, an old man, a child and a pregnant mother are standing（此句没有说明an old man 等人与bus的关系,改为In the picture,there is a bus crowded with passengers in which an old man,a child and a pregnant woman are standing.表述更准确）. A young guy who don’t（doesn’t）want（加to） offer his seat to others , (去掉逗号)pretend（改为pretends或者is pretending）to be a blind man. This is vividly implication(第一，vividly是副词，修饰名词用形容词；第二，名词前缺冠词;第三，vivid与implication搭配不大合适。可改为a profound implication) of the social problem of decline of moral（moral常用为形容词，作名词表示“道德”之意时用复数。可改为：moral decline）.
（第一段点评：文章开篇用“What would you do?”来提出疑问，不仅能够激发读者的兴趣，同时也引人思考。不足之处在于，疑问句与现象之间衔接不够紧密,给人一种突兀的感觉。可以用“What would you do if you are sitting on a crowded bus surrounded by a bunch of vulnerable people ?Here is an example of a young man… ” ; 也可以先描述图画，然后发问“If you were the young man ,what would you do?）
In different cultures, respect elderand younger(respecting the elder and the young，动名词短语作主语) is an important part of moral (morals或morality). Our country always put （puts,主语our country是单数）moral (morality)in an important position. But, as the society becomes more and more money-oriented, some people’s moral sense turns dramatically downgrading. For one thing, money maybe（may be，分开的may be与合写的maybe不同，需细心）a （the）foremost factor. Merchants with “black heart” have “black”productions in order to acquire more money. For another thing, the effect of culture has fall(fallen)（改为the influence of culture on human being’s behavior has weaken表意更精准）. People do everything they want without think（thinking，without是介词，介词后跟名词、动名词等）about others. (加“Thus,”衔接更清楚) the virtue has become a past thing（习惯表达a thing of the past）.
(第二段点评：文章第二段先说明“在不同的文化中，尊老爱幼都是道德非常重要的一部分”，接着提及我们国家自古以来对道德的重视，之后用But引出转折，说明随着社会金钱至上，一些人的道德感大幅度下降，之后分述原因——作者的思路很清晰。需注意，作者总述现象的直接原因是money-oriented，后面分述时第一点说的是money，但第二点却转而讨论culture，因此前后不平衡。实际上，money是对money-oriented的解释说明，它们一起和culture位于同一级别。因此，For one thing和For another thing的位置应该做相应的调整，或换一种表达方式。)
Hence, we have to take some helpful（effective较常用）measures to avoid the phenomenon mentioned above. In the school, we could enhance students’ moral education, who are the future of ours (our) country. Public service advertising is a helpful measures（measure）. Development of the moral （morals或morality）is not a short-time thing that need（needs）work hard for a long time. Only in this way, the life may （only位于句首要倒装，改为may our life）become more harmony (harmonious,harmony是名词)which like as we wishes（第一， which与as两个都是引导词，引导词重复；第二，like与as语义重复；第三，we和wishes主谓不一致。改为 as we wish）.
（第三段点评：作者最后用给出建议措施来结尾，这是考研英语第三段最常见的写作方式。首先指出必须采取措施，然后从两个角度分述。值得一提的是，作者不仅给出建议，并点明此现象需长期努力才能改善，这一点很好。）
总体点评
本文的优点在于作者有意打破模板作文的常规，以提问开题，且行文思路比较清晰，有条理。需注意：
1. 文章有不少语法问题：①主谓不一致，这一错误出现较多；②动词不定式使用错误，want（加to） offer；③词语的词性不清；④冠词缺失及不定冠词与定冠词混用；⑤能够做句子主语的成分不清respect elder and younger is an important part；⑥现在完成时形式有误has fall；⑦介词后跟成分不清；⑧名词单复数误用；⑨only的用法未掌握；⑩句子成分赘余。
2. 文章有些地方表意不是很精准。
3.文章一些衔接词所处的位置不太合适，使得本来清晰的逻辑混乱。
4. 注意一些细节：如断句和may be和 maybe的不同。
总之，作者的行文思路很清晰，需注意衔接词的使用以及句意的表达。现在最亟待提高的是语法能力，建议你全面复习巩固自己的语法基础。加油，如若语法提高，你一定能写出更好的作文！
参考分数（满分20分）：9
考研1号编辑部
2013年 10月26日
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-26 11:29
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-26 11:39 编辑
黑眼圈olivia 发表于 2013-10-25 17:27
谢谢！！
写完之后也发现自己的内容不充实，感觉是一个句子在绕着说，看不出什么内容，会争取改进 ...
出现小错误是难以避免的，只有在写作时更细心一点儿，写完后多加检查，以最大程度地减少错误。今天下午会开始新一期的活动，话题是《考研真相》上面2013年的真题作文和《写作160篇》上的“论选择”，可以择一来写，敬请期待。希望能看到你的参与和进步哦
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-26 14:13
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-26 14:18 编辑
悠弥北北 发表于 2013-10-26 00:57
很不好意思，都要出下一周了我才把前一周的作文发上来，不知道还能不能批改了，辛苦老师啦~如果能批改的话非 ...
写作原文
As is shown above, in the middle of the picture and on the seat firmly sits a healthy youngster,who pretend（pretends）himself as a blind person, with a lot of people hang (hanging) on the handrail around him, among which are little children,pregnant woman and old men or women（如果要用复数则都应用复数，最好按照图画描述a little child, a pregnant woman and an old man）. With the caption reading that blind for a short time（此处为with短语，不是句子，可改为The caption of the cartoon reads：“A temporarily blind person”）. How ironical it is!The primary purpose of the pictures (picture) above is that due attention should be paid to the decline of moral standards.
（第一段点评：文章以“描述图画——揭示现象”的方式展开，比较出彩的地方是运用了独立结构、倒装句和感叹句等，句式多变，同时长短句结合，使文章错落有致。需注意在写长句的时候，一定要细心，保持前后主谓一致，且注意独立结构中的动词形式。）
The thought-provoking drawing mirrors a common yet regrettable phenomenon in contemporary society that there are an increasing number of uncivilized behaviors followed with economic improvement. In some extent, these issues implied (imply,描述现象一般用现在时态) moral decline and the goal of achieving a harmonious society may fall through under the negative influence of it. Xiao Yueyue, for instance, who was knocked down by a running-away（用hit-and-run较好）car, helplessly died around the citizens, but no one was willing to give her a little rescue. That is an authentic portrayal of the moral decline in whole society!
（第二段点评：文章主体部分采用列举实例的方式，形象生动地说明了道德滑坡现象带给人们的不良影响,这是一个很好的扩充文章内容的方法。需注意，文章第一段已经用The primary purpose of the pictures above is that…指出现象，第二段开篇又写到The thought-provoking drawing mirrors…these issues implied moral decline再一次点明现象。前后重复，可删掉前一个表达。）
Too many painful example (examples) tell us, it is high time that we paid adequate attention to this issue. Though the government has made efforts to conduct vigorous propaganda of positive spirit, lasting change can only be effected by ourselves. Only in a friendly, united atmosphere, can we hope to witness the ideal scene in which people can enjoy their life to the uttermost.
（第三段点评：首句用Too many painful example tell us引出我们需对此现象引起重视，且与上一段衔接紧密。后面用一个让步状语从句指出此问题不仅需要政府指引，更需要我们自己的长期努力。再用only倒装句说明努力的结果。思路清晰，且语意衔接密切流畅。）
总体点评
本文的优点有以下几点：
1. 文章主体部分列举社会热议现象，生动形象，且切题密切。
2. 文章前后语意衔接较好。
3. 使用了比较丰富的语法结构，句式多变，长短错落有致。
文章存在的问题：
1. 文章有一些语法错误：①主谓不一致，a healthy youngster, who pretend；②with独立结构/非谓语动词未掌握with a lot of people hang；③名词的单复数问题The primary purpose of the pictures、Too many painful example；④时态的选择不恰当；⑤句子与短语区分不清。
2. 文章的部分内容前后重复。
3. 描述图画时没有严格按照图述内容展开。
从文章的整体来看，作者的语法基础应该不错，需注意细心以及查漏补缺。在写作文之前，先在心里列出一个大纲，这样就不会出现前后内容重复。加油，相信你会写出很好的文章！
参考分数（满分20分）：12
考研1号编辑部
2013年 10月26日
作者: 悠弥北北 时间: 13-10-26 15:04
实在太感谢老师了，不知道今天下午的作文题目什么时候发呢？有图画吗？
作者: Drift547 时间: 13-10-26 15:23
考研1号编辑部 发表于 2013-10-25 09:13
写作原文 It goes without saying that this picture aims at revealing a current soci ...
老师改的真的很详细，我一定注意自己存在的问题，顺便问老师下，下一期活动啥时候开始呢？好期待！
作者: 小椰 时间: 13-10-26 15:33
As is shown above, in a crowded bus there are four people and only one seat. Sitting on the seat firmly, the rude man ignores the old person, little girl and even the pregnant women who stands around him. It is obvious that he is pretending to be blind and unwilling to offer his seat to anyone.
In fact, that kind of moral decline is not uncommon nowadays among the Chinese people. First and foremost, there are fewer citizens than before who are willing to sacrifice their own life to save other people. Furthermore, while some people enjoy a comfortable life, they never think about those who are struggling in utter poverty or try to give them assistance. Last but not least, human beings in modern society are becoming a great deal more indifferent to the suffering of others, yet they don’t even recognize it.
It is imperative for us to take drastic measures. It is undoubtedly that people’s behavior of helping others is directly bound up with their moral consciousness, and that this in turn rests upon the efforts of scholars and policymakers of all kinds. In short, they ought to do their utmost to cultivate the awareness of people that giving assistance to those who needs has always been the traditional virtue of Chinese culture. Only in this way can we curb the evil phenomenon revealed in the cartoon.
谢谢老师修改...
作者: 小椰 时间: 13-10-26 15:33
悠弥北北 发表于 2013-10-26 15:04
实在太感谢老师了，不知道今天下午的作文题目什么时候发呢？有图画吗？
咦~尘尘.......
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-26 15:44
悠弥北北 发表于 2013-10-26 15:04
实在太感谢老师了，不知道今天下午的作文题目什么时候发呢？有图画吗？
第三期的话题下午五点多的时候就会发的，敬请期待，有图有真相哦
待会儿会把这期活动的总结贴上来，可以看看对自己有没有帮助[t:15]
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-26 15:46
Drift547 发表于 2013-10-26 15:23
老师改的真的很详细，我一定注意自己存在的问题，顺便问老师下，下一期活动啥时候开始呢？好期待！
第三期的活动今天下午五点多的时候会更新，敬请期待，期待看到你的习作和进步[t:12]
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-26 15:49
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-26 15:55 编辑
第二期“道德滑坡现象”总结
学生写作中出现的问题：
1. 相比较第一期活动“山寨文化”，此现象更贴近生活，因此考生不会无话可说，但是出现只谈及皮毛、没有深度的现象。
2. 一些学生的习作模板痕迹严重。
3. 受汉语影响，出现中式表达，或者表达不够精准与地道。
4. 形近词、近义词混用，或单词拼写错误。
5. 语法层面的错误。
相应的解决方案：
1. 同样地，我们可以按照“描述图画——剖析问题——得出结论”的行文思路来组织作文。
在图画中，在拥挤的公交车上，一个健康的小伙子心安理得地坐在座位上，对身旁站着的老人、孕妇和小孩视而不见。针对这一现象，
⑴我们可以分析原因:
第一，客观原因：中国人口太多，座位不够；城市化加快，城市人口集中……
第二，辩证看待：年轻人上班压力大，比较累……
第三，道德方面：道德感缺失，社会风气每况愈下、素质教育跟不上、帮助他人给自己带来损失的负面新闻……
⑵我们可以列举社会热议实例支撑自己的观点
⑶我们可以给出建议措施：
第一，政府：控制人口增长，合理规划公交布局、增加座位，加强道德建设与宣传，加强素质教育……
第二，年轻人：增强“老吾老以及人之老、幼吾幼以及人之幼”的意识，主动让座……
第三，弱势群体：尽量避免在上班高峰期出行……
2. 由于一些考生面对话题时，不知如何下手，因此事先背好模板，在写作时套用；还有部分考生想通过使用一些好的模板句型来给自己的文章增色。需注意，无论模板作文的表达有多好，用的人多了效果只会适得其反。对于前者，建议仔细阅览第1点，了解怎样针对话题进行构思，并且要勇于去写，只有自己写了才会发现存在的问题，从而有针对地改进；对于后者，如果自己的语法基础较好，可以借鉴好的表达，加以改造，使其成为自己独一无二的模板。
3. 汉式思维是大多数考生都存在的问题，这一点也不是一朝一夕就能取得大的突破。短期内，可以通过熟记范文的优秀表达来获取一定的改善；但是，要想逐渐消除汉语的影响，必须长期坚持大量阅读一些外刊、新闻、欧美名著等，培养自身的英语思维。
4. 很多考生在记单词时只记大致的汉语意思，因此会出现近义词混用；在记单词时没有牢记其形体，则出现形近词误用。在记单词的过程中，尤其应该注意辨析近义词和区分形近词。此外，在记单词的时候还要注意单词的词性，以免出现词性混用。
5.语法方面，除了犯第一期活动出现的错误：
第一，主谓不一致，尤其是该用动词单三形式时用了动词原形；
第二，动词的时态和语态有误；
第三，谓语动词与非谓语动词混淆，常见的是一个句子中出现两个谓语动词；
第四，对于词语的词性不清楚，常见错误为名词与动词、名词与形容词以及形容词与副词使用错误；
第五，不定冠词a与an使用错误，尤其是该用an时用a ；
第六，名词的可数与不可数，可数名词的单数与复数使用有误；
……
此外，还出现以下错误：
第一， 不及物动词后接不同介词的区别不明，如sit on和sit in、sit at；
第二， 句子与短语区分不清，断句有误；
第三， 介词后跟成分不清；
第四， Only后跟倒装句出现错误；
第五， There be句型“就近一致”未掌握；
第六， 从句引导词有误；
第七， 副词在句中的位置错误；
第八， 名词与指代名词的代词前后不一致或同位语前后单复数不一致
……
考生须认真仔细，并查漏补缺，提高自己的语法基础。
作者: Drift547 时间: 13-10-26 16:52
考研1号编辑部 发表于 2013-10-26 15:49
第二期“道德滑坡现象”总结学生写作中出现的问题：1. 相比较第一期活动“山寨文化”，此现象更贴近生 ...
老师总结的很详细，第四点第五点我很严重，要努力提高自己
作者: 悠弥北北 时间: 13-10-26 17:00
小椰 发表于 2013-10-26 15:33
咦~尘尘.......
小爷~交的比我还晚···哇哈哈~
作者: 悠弥北北 时间: 13-10-26 17:00
考研1号编辑部 发表于 2013-10-26 15:44
第三期的话题下午五点多的时候就会发的，敬请期待，有图有真相哦
待会儿会把这期活动的总结贴上 ...
看到总结了~多谢老师~希望多写写能有进步~
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-10-26 17:03
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-26 17:08 编辑
小椰 发表于 2013-10-26 15:33
As is shown above, in a crowded bus there are four people and only one seat. Sitting on the seat fir ...
写作原文
As is shown above, in a crowded bus there are four people and only one seat（in a crowded bus后面加“，”或者放到句末）. Sitting on the seat firmly, the rude man ignores the old person, （加the）little girl and even the pregnant women (woman)who stands(主语是the old person…and …, 为复数，为了保持主谓一致，改为stand) around him. It is obvious that he is pretending to be blind and unwilling to offer his seat to anyone.
（第一段点评：文章第一段描述图画，优点是使用了独立结构、从句、无灵主语等好的表达方式，长短结合，错落有致。与悠弥北北一样，作者写长句时会忽视前后的主谓一致，这一点应引起注意。）
In fact, that kind of moral decline is not uncommon nowadays among the Chinese people. First and foremost, there are fewer citizens than before who are willing to sacrifice their own life to save other people. Furthermore, while some people enjoy a comfortable life, they never think about those who are struggling in utter poverty or try to give them assistance. Last but not least, human beings in modern society are becoming a great deal more indifferent to the suffering of others, yet they don’t even recognize it.
（第二段点评：本段的优点是语言流畅自然。需注意：第一句提出that kind of moral decline is not uncommon，“这种现象很常见”，按照语意，后面理所当然的应该是列举类似的现象。但是作者后面所列出的三个方面却是解释现象的原因。因此，在这两者之间缺少一个衔接，来说明“造成现象普遍的原因是由多方面引起的”。此外，作者列举的三个方面，一是“人们不愿牺牲自己”，二是“人们只顾自己享受，不顾及生活在水深火热的贫苦民众”，三是“人们对于别人的苦难很冷漠”——这三点从某种程度上而言都是一个层面的东西。因此，作者需注意逻辑方面的衔接以及内容之间的联系。）
It is imperative for us to take drastic measures. It is undoubtedly that people’s behavior of helping others is directly bound up with their moral consciousness, and that this in turn rests upon the efforts of scholars and policymakers of all kinds. In short, they ought to do their utmost to cultivate the awareness of people that giving assistance to those who needs（need）has always been the traditional virtue of Chinese culture. Only in this way can we curb the evil phenomenon revealed in the cartoon.
（第三段点评：本段写得非常好，不仅语言流畅，衔接自然，且有内容。首先提到采取措施刻不容缓，然后指出帮助他人与道德意识联系紧密，又说明道德意识的培养需要学者和官员等全面的努力，最后用only倒装句说明如果努力能够落实，将会转变现在的局面。不过，相对而言，内容还是有一点儿空泛，只提到需要各方面全力以赴，但没有提到具体的解决措施。）
总体点评
本文的优点在于：行文如流水，语言顺畅自然，句式多变，长短结合，错落有致。
需注意以下几个方面：
1. 文章有个别语法错误，应是作者不细心所致：①主谓不一致，who stands、those who needs；②冠词的使用（加the）little girl。
2. 对图画的描述应该切合原图，the pregnant women (woman)。
3. 注意逻辑方面前后句子之间的衔接。
4. 对于文章的内容有待挖掘，使文章的内容殷实。
作者的语法基础和文笔都较好，需注意一些细节方面，并在文章的内容深度方面努力，可以看一下62#行文构思方面的总结，看看对自己有没有什么帮助！我相信只要你能开拓思路，文章一定会达到范文水平，加油！
参考分数（满分20分）：13
考研1号编辑部
2013年 10月26日
作者: 小椰 时间: 13-10-26 17:11
考研1号编辑部 发表于 2013-10-26 17:03
写作原文 As is shown above, in a crowded bus there are four people and only one se ...
还担心交的实在太晚老师不会批改了，非常感谢老师的建议。确实是在行文思路和内容组织上未下功夫，以后会努力改进......
作者: 小椰 时间: 13-10-26 17:18
悠弥北北 发表于 2013-10-26 17:00
小爷~交的比我还晚···哇哈哈~
水月昨天晚上才给我说的..。z
作者: 悠弥北北 时间: 13-10-26 17:19
小椰 发表于 2013-10-26 17:18
水月昨天晚上才给我说的..。z
我看见好久了···一直不敢写···
作者: tmsb 时间: 14-10-8 19:36
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-10-10 14:14
http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-885286-1-1.html在这个帖子里回复你的作文就好啦，快来参加吧
作者: kaoyanzhenxiang 时间: 14-10-14 10:30
2014年考研生的福音！很实用！真的是最好家教！
作者: 聪明的小酥2 时间: 14-10-16 13:57
本帖最后由 聪明的小酥2 于 14-10-16 14:02 编辑
It is hardly difficult for us to figure out in the drawing given above that a person , leisurely and perky , is sitting on the seat while an older and a younger are standing there looking at the man who plays a temporary blind . It is a striking morning all to send us a significant message that personal morality has been declined in current society .
Why the phenomenon existed ? Several factors could weigh heavily for the depression of moralities , yet , suspend at the top of the list are the following causes . To begin with , there’s a large number of people who are not realizing moralities are significant to us on the contrary that they are selfness and heartless . Moreover , as the economic boom brings not merely material comfort but fast rhythm of daily life as well , modern citizens , especially those in metropolises , are facing more pressure so that people have no additional energy to care others .
It is hardly necessary for me to cite all the evidence of the revolutionary influence that personal morality gives rise to . To begin with , it is the symbol of personal cultivation and it can promote us get along with our friends . Apart form , personal morality is the foundation of building a harmonious society .
All analyses presented above convince people that morality is vital to us , thus , we should try our best to promote it in order to make our society colorful and harmonious .
希望有幸被批改。 最好能给个提示就本作文得分在什么范围内，心里好有个尺度，万分感谢！！！
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