[优秀习作选登]My father

My father
My father is a lorry driver. One day, a terrible thing occurred to him. (1)Till today immediately we thought back to that day, fear and indignation flowed over every member in my family.
It was a little dark. After a day's work, my father was about to drive back home when a young man who looked very upset came up to my father. He told my father that his close relative had been hurt badly and had been sent to the hospital to take first aid. He was so worried about his relative. He asked my father to do him a favor. My father was deeply moved. So he made up his mind to help him in spite of the coming night. On the way to the hospital, my father treated him to a meal.
On arriving the hospital, the man asked my father to wait for him for a while and he would come back instantly. My father sat on a bench. (2)At waiting time, several strange men stared at the lorry for some time. After they left away quickly, the man came out with his right hand clenching a piece of paper. He said, "I must go home to get some money. Could you send me there?" Then he told my father his address. My father considered that it was a long distance and the road condition was bad without a streetlamp. So he took out money from his pockets amounting to 350 yuan and gave it to the man.
The man seemed astonished, hesitating for a moment and finally accepted the money with an intricate facial expression. Then he disappeared, (3) forever leaving my father waiting there alone.
Later on, my father came to realize that he was cheated. He thought back to the detail of the whole thing. The man and those strangers were confederates! Their attempt was to take my father to a lonely place and then rob my father of his lorry. How terrible it was! Just because of my father's kind heart, the man found his conscience. (4)They didn't never expect that a stranger could trust him so much even giving him money actively.
  I'm proud of my father. (5)I also understand that if we treat someone with big sincerity, any hard hearts will be made gentle.
I firmly believe “give cake and ale to perfect soul”.
                                         山西大同大学2008级商贸英语  王小燕
【评语】本篇习作是一篇记叙文，作者主要描述了当司机的父亲的一次历险的经过，最后总结出自己的观点：“好人有好报”。文章结构完整，描写细腻，通篇描述以实感而动人，但在个别句式的运用上还应好好斟酌一番，力求准确。
【改进建议】(1)建议改为Whenever we think back to that day, fear and indignation flow out of;
(2)建议改为During the waiting time, several strange men had been staring at the lorry for some time;
(3)建议改为leaving my father standing there alone;
(4)应改为He never expected that a stranger could trust him so much and gave him money generously ;
(5)建议改为Meanwhile, I also understand that if we treat someone with sincerity, he or she will be deeply moved at last

well done