优秀习作选登]Maternal love

People always say that maternal love is (1) the greatest of all. (2) It is quite true of the maternal love from my mother.

My mother isn’t so good-looking or (3) knowledge in fact, but in my eyes, she is the most beautiful mum in the world. She is earnest, kind and (4) industry. She shows great concern for my life in every aspect. When I was at school, she helped me a great deal in my studies. She always accompanied me late at night when I worked hard at my lessons. My mother does all the housework such as cooking, washing, as well as cleaning. She also goes to work and earn money to buy everything for me. She takes great care (5) for me and always encourages me to buy many books. I take all these as maternal love.

I am very happy because I have such a great mother. Now I am growing up, but my mother is growing old. I am very grateful to my mother, to her great maternal love for me. I think the maternal love from my mother is the most wonderful love in the world.

                                                            (李蓝)

[评语] 这是一篇颂扬母爱的习作。作者表达了自己对母爱的理解，对母亲的感激之情。英语语言表达流畅，对母亲在生活中付出的点点滴滴记录详细。描述有总有分，有概述也有举例。但在词性用法以及代词指代方面还有待改进。

[改进建议] (1) 应改为the greatest emotion of all；

(2) 应改为I realize personally that it is quite true of the maternal love from my mother；

(3) 应改为 knowledgeable;

(4) 应改为 industrious;

(5) 应改为of，take care of sb固定搭配，表示“照顾某人”。

                                                                          （刊登于08-09年第20期）

谢谢楼主分享。