As is seen from the two graphs, it’s clear that with the growth of GDP per capita from 1994 to 2001, the money spent on tourists rises on and on (is on the rise) during the same period. Naturally, we can draw the conclusion that the living standard of the (非特指，去掉the) common people has improved a lot.
Three reasons may account for this phenomenon. To begin with, the open policy attracts a growing number of foreign cooperations (corporations) which invest in China Mainland, creating more jobs for the (非特指，去掉the) Chinese. Second, the economy (economic) reform has inserted a series of advanced theories and methods into the traditional industry and the companies owned by the States. (insert…into…使用错误，改为introduced…into…) As a result, the manufacturing efficiency has improved greatly. Finally, with the development of science and technology, more and more factories take advantage of the hi-tech equipment (equipments) to change the structure of their production for the better, (加上关系代词which) bring in much more profit (复数形式profits).
To further develop economy calls for, above all, the government’s efforts to enhance laws(enhance law enforcement或strengthen the legal system),
to regulate the market order, to deepen (加上the) reform and to encourage innovation on the basis of self-reliance (independent innovation). Moreover, common citizens should be honest and self-discipline (self-disciplined) to obey laws. In a word, only when the government and the (去掉the) common people make joint efforts can we hope to further develop productive forces and to achieve common wealth (prosperity).
修改后：
As is seen from the two graphs, it’s clear that with the growth of GDP per capita from 1994 to 2001, the money spent on tourists is on the rise during the same period. Naturally, we can draw the conclusion that the living standard of the common people has improved a lot.
Three reasons may account for this phenomenon. To begin with, the open policy attracts a growing number of foreign corporations which invest in China Mainland, creating more jobs for Chinese. Second, the economic reform has introduced a series of advanced theories and methods into the traditional industry and the companies owned by the States. As a result, the manufacturing efficiency has improved greatly. Finally, with the development of science and technology, more and more factories take advantage of the hi-tech equipments to change the structure of their production for the better, which bring in much more profits.
To further develop economy calls for, above all, the government’s efforts to enhance law enforcement, to regulate the market order, to deepen the reform and to encourage independent innovation. Moreover, common citizens should be honest and self-disciplined to obey laws. In a word, only when the government and common people make joint efforts can we hope to further develop productive forces and to achieve common prosperity.
评析：
本文清楚的总结了图表数字变化的内涵，段落严谨，层次分明。文章句式变换，句子结构基本准确，用词较为丰富，体现了作者的语言功底。但作者出现了一些单复数，定冠词等基础语法错误，望在写作完成后认真检查。此外，在平时的写作过程中，对词语的运用不确定时，要常常向词典讨教。你在文中询问使用interest还是profit，以下是牛津词典关于这两个词的解释。
Profit：①利润，赢利。指的是做生意或卖东西赚到的钱。（可数名词）
②好处，利益。指的是做某事能获得的好处。(不可数名词)
Interest: ①利息。指的是存钱或投资所获得利息。(不可数名词)
②好处，利益。某人或某事的好处或利益。（常用复数）
从词典上的解释看，用profits比较好，表示调整生产结构后，给企业带来更多的利润。
评分：16分
欢迎来到免费考研网www.freekaoyan.com |
收藏
点赞!
反对!