第一次练笔 请多指教~~

The scene drawn in the above picture is this: in the highway, there are cars, trucks, vans, buses and even motorbikes that crowding and creeping slowly. It’s filled with noise and emission around the belt. That makes us question to the chaos, inefficient and polluting situation: are they real highways?

While the development of economy is progressing, highways play a more and more substantial role in vehicular traffic. The high speed brought from highways creates considerable benefit, for no matter individuals or enterprises. People can enjoy faster and more convenient travel, and stuff and products can be conveyed in shorter time. But yet, no garden without its weed. Traffic jams caused by excessive vehicle or regulation violation occur frequently, which put anyone out of temper. And the contamination, including rumbles and exhaust gas, persecutes residents nearby and threats our unique planet.

Highways have the reason to exist, but we have to solve the incidental problems. To remove the disorder, administration concerned must enhance supervision to reduce the infractions of rules, like motorbikes’ get-in. In addition, it’s necessary to lessen pressure of highways through balancing burden between they and railways. Finally, instilling anti-noise devices at places with dwelling and unveiling legislation to restrict tail gas discharge are essential as well. So then, highways will run better.

没人理？……
[s:3]

支持一下啊

很想帮助楼主修改，可惜静不下来心读。。。抱歉[s:3]

楼主可以看一下这个帖子的1407楼
http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-253293-94-1.html

11月20日之后，编辑部将有专门的编辑给购买《英语复习思路》和《英语冲刺8套题》的同学免费修改作文的服务，届时大家把作文发到这个主题之下，互相交流，共同进步。

谢谢 似乎不错
不过那时候才启动作文练笔太晚了点 而且应该不会改得很细致罢

The scene drawn in the above picture is this: in the highway, there are cars, trucks, vans, buses and even motorbikes that ARE crowding and creeping slowly. It’s filled with noise and emission around the belt. WHICH会不会好一点 makes us question to the chaos, inefficient and polluting situation: are they real highways?

改成AS  the development of economy is progressing, highways are playing a more and more substantial role in vehicular traffic. The high speed brought from highways creates considerable benefit, for no matter individuals or enterprises. People can enjoy faster and more convenient travelling, and stuff and products can be conveyed in shorter time. But yet, no garden without its weed. Traffic jams caused by excessive vehicle or regulation violation occur frequently, which put anyone out of temper. And the contamination, including rumbles and exhaust gas, persecutes residents nearby and threats our unique planet.

Highways have the reason to exist, but we have to solve the incidental problems. To remove the disorder, administration concerned must enhance supervision to reduce the infractions of rules, like motorbikes’ get-in. In addition, it’s necessary to lessen pressure of highways through balancing burden between they and railways. Finally, instilling anti-noise devices at places with dwelling and unveiling legislation to restrict tail gas discharge are essential as well. So then, highways will run better.