我写的07年大作文，请大家拍

The drawing depict a scene in a football match that one player is trying to kick the ball in the same time the defencer is trying to do the opposite job. Both of them are overlooking each other in their mind.

This picture shows us that sometimes we will overlook the difficulties.We all suffer from this situation during our daily life now and then. When we are too desire to do something, the obstacle will become more and much bigger. All the roads to success is not easy. The bigger the success is, the bigger the it becomes.

The difficulties are not avoidable, however, if you just focus on the pessive side, maybe you can no t giving out all your protencial srtength. But once you judge the difficulties as a nesserary and normal factor to success, and only look them as they are, things could be much better. All the obstacles are produced or overlooked by ourself, that is to say, we are the very enemy of ouself. So, if you think you , and keep still toward any hardness, you can.


希望能得到指导，谢谢。

[ 本帖最后由 wxmzw 于 2008-1-15 23:20 编辑 ]

depict应该为复数形式；第一句一定要注意啊！
more and much 没有这种表达方式，应为more and more
All the roads 应为all of the roads
the bigger the it becomes. ?不太明白，应该是病句
if you think you是否应改为if you think you can

建议楼主加强对范文的背诵，文中的错误还是很多的。

我记得第三个要求是要举例，似乎没看到你的example啊

嗯，我特别容易犯小错误，以后一定记住检查，All roads我多加了个定冠词，修改之后这样是不是更简洁？谢谢在语法上指点。^^

本来写到中间还记得要加的，后来就忘记了，呵呵，回头再好好看看格式。谢谢提醒。

你太强了~!
强烈佩服一下

写得很不错，我的written english很烂

比我写的好，支持下[s:2]

字数是不是超200个了？ 超字数虽然不扣分，但决不是明智的做法，字数越多错误越多

一同努力，抓住最后两天多时间！