【考研1号】“作文修改”活动—【第五期2009年真题“网络的近与远”+“手机依赖症”】

选的题一

     This cartoon witnesses an interesting scene. There are eight people; I guess maybe they are friends having dinner to tell the recent goings. In fact, they are having their cell phones in hands to surfing online via QQ and Weibo or even playing Fruit Ninja while they are close enough to talk to each other face to face at the same table. It is funny and ironic that they perform various and lovely looks but bother to give a glimpse to others.
      Several reasons can be interpreted for this phenomenon. And I would like to put the two follows as the main causes. Firstly, people are losing courage to convey their feelings and emotions in person. Looking and examining appearances of each other eye by eye and absorbing information by the gestures are complicated and difficult subjects. Major of people are too busy and tired to play this lively role, especially after all day long hard work. Moreover, the cell phone and software are getting more intelligent each day. The famous Apple Inc. even creates a new era of both software and real world. These genius inventions make life easier for our earthlings, specific the young working-men. They can keep contacts and no need to fear being strangers to others. Nevertheless, I am afraid that they are not close friends either.
      I insist that personal communication is substantial for human beings. Everything has two sides. Of course, cell phone does bring conveniences into our life; in the other side, it also takes our talking skills away. Apparently, we have no rights to ban the usage of phone. Yet, what we can do is to remind people to aware that addicting into phone applications is no good for their hearth in both physically and psychologically.

arthashao 发表于 2013-11-9 12:07
哎，你们都是先抢楼在重新编辑的，下次我也这么做了！！

我想大概大家都是第一遍写完，觉得差不多。
发上来再读的时候又发现有改的地方。
而且我就字体就改了好几遍。
不过，我倒是确实记得“沙发”楼的同学是先抢了楼才写的。

老师给划线的我自己改了些，不知道改的对不对，在不在点上？
有同学如果能看出来错误，也给我说说吧！
感激不尽！

This cartoon witnesses an interesting scene. There are eight people，I guess maybe they are friends having dinner to tell the recent goings. In fact, they are having their cell phones in hands to surf online(这个太不应该，竟然在to后面写分词) via QQ and Weibo or even play Fruit Ninja while they are close enough to talk to each other face to face at the same table. It is funny and ironic that they perform(我是想表达他们呈现丰富可爱的表情，所以这个这句被划线是因为perform么？是应该改成are performing？还是改成express？还是我应该把后面的looks 改成expressions？) various and lovely looks but bother to give a glimpse to others.

    Several reasons can interpret (我改成了主动，后来发现有个词组：lie in interpretation of) this phenomenon. And I would like to put the two follows as the main causes. Firstly, people are losing courage to convey their feelings and emotions in person. Looking and examining appearances of each other eye by eye and absorbing information by the gestures are complicated and difficult subjects. Majority of people are too busy and tired to play this lively role, especially after all day longs(我想表达一整天的繁重工作,这里该怎么用？long改成longs？) hard work. Moreover, the cell phone and software are getting more intelligent each day. The famous Apple Inc. evencreates a new era of both software and    real world. These genius inventions make life easier for our earthlings, specific the young working-men. They can keep contacts and have no need(是因为少了谓语吧？) to fear being strangers to others. Nevertheless, I am afraid that they are not close friends either.

    I insist that personal communication is substantial for humanbeings. Everything has two sides. Of course, cell phone does bring conveniences(这个我也不知该怎么改？“带来便利”怎么说？要改成 facilities 么？) into our life; in (这个我不知道怎么改，是应该加转折词，比如however么？那个分号是因为 Word2007 它提示我应该改成分号)the other side, it also takes our talking skills away. Apparently, we have no rights to ban the usage of phone. Yet, what we can do is to remind people to be aware that addicting into phone applications is no good for their health both in(我把两个位置变了，不知道该对没？) physically and psychologically.

哦，确实能发下不少问题。

可能是我有些依赖 Word了，但是自己读的时候确实怎么看怎么就看不出来问题，唉~~~

考研1号编辑部 发表于 2013-11-14 11:10
您好，由于我们考研1号编辑部最近有很多事情要处理，更重要的是出于“自己着手方能有更大进步”的考虑 ...

老师，改了一些力所能及的，就在楼上
希望老师指正[a:2]