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标题: 【考研1号】“2014作文修改”——【第四期英语二“邻里交流”】 [打印本页]
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 17:55
标题: 【考研1号】“2014作文修改”——【第四期英语二“邻里交流”】
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-11-6 15:16 编辑
第四期活动来啦，也是最后一期哦，希望大家能够抓紧机会！[p:30] [p:30] [p:30]
[m:51] [m:51] [m:51]
注：各位亲爱的同学们久等了，以下是第三期的总结，点进去看哦~~~
http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-888139-12-1.html
本期话题选自《写作宝中宝》“邻里交流”
Directions:
Study the following pie chart carefully and write an essay within at least 150 words, which is entitled as “Communications Between Neighbors”. Your essay must be written neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. Your essay should cover these three points:
1. describe the picture and interpret the chart;
2. analyze the situation;
3. give your comments. (15 points)
[attach]305627[/attach]
作者: _Psyche 时间: 14-11-1 20:01
占个楼先 马上写~
作者: 明矾waitac 时间: 14-11-1 20:29
本帖最后由 明矾waitac 于 14-11-2 20:11 编辑
Nowadays,the deteriorating relationship in neighborhoods,which has provoked nationwide noisy debates，is commonly seen in any urban area. From the picture,we can learn that people who frequently communicates with their neighbors amounts to 51.21%,and what about the others? They are the persons who have shallow human relations.
The issue is attributed to two factors.The first and perhaps the most important is that the Internet,to most individuals , has become the most popular leisure activity. The modern way of communication,which has surely detached people from their time commitment to normal relationships, has taken the place of the face-to-face one.The other reason is that people nowadays is fully occupied by their work and business,because of the pressure of survival. And there is little time left to communicate with each other.
Such phenomenon is quite distressing and should be condemned.Actually， community involvement is a good way to put an end to this phenomenon.Activities including dancing and singing,can not only relax ourselves after a week’s tense work and study,but also strengthen our friendship.What we gain,from social practices and communications,might far more than our anticipation so long as we participate in community activities.
作者: 小四爷 时间: 14-11-1 20:46
本帖最后由 小四爷 于 14-11-4 12:43 编辑
Communication Between Neighbors
The table orderly arranges the percentage distribution of communication between neighbors.The percentages of people who seldom communicate with their neighbors and those greeting their neighborhoods merely when they encounter are respectively 6.99 and 40.86,which approximately equal to the proportion of people frequently getting along with neighbors.Apparently,the table given above casts light on such an issue that the associations between neighbors have been far from intimate contacts.
Frankly speaking,there are sane reasons accounting for the phenomenon.On the one hand,individuals who gradually play a high value on themselves,pursuing the work promotion,devoting to raising kids,are too busy to pour attention to their neighbors.On the other hand,as the improvement of scientific technology,Internet is utilised to meet all kinds of demands including communication,giving rise to a common notion that the necessities of keeping contact with neighbors are fading.
In no case can we deny that the function of network is overestimated by us,the rush pace of mordern life leading to the egocentricity which will hinder the social progress,or rather,we will pay a high price for ignorance of others.As the old saying goes,a far-off relative is not as helpful as a near neighbor.Thus,it is a high time for us to do something to reverse it.Initially,we are supposed to open our mind,cordinally,to make friends with our neighbor,to assist them as possible as we can instead of confining ourselves in room accompanied with coldly computer.In addition,society are entitled to encourage people to spare joy and pain with their friends in reality,starting from the neighbor.
作者: Davinci86 时间: 14-11-1 20:54
本帖最后由 Davinci86 于 14-11-1 23:03 编辑
Communications Between Neighbors
This is a statistical analysis picture.It shows that there are 186 persons take part in this investigation,13 persons who never or occasionally communicate with their neighbors being about 6.99% of all persons,76 persons who just say “hello” when they meet each other being about 40.86% of all persons and 97 persons communicating with their neighbors frequently.
The first,HuJintao,the former President of People’s Republic of China,argued that we must establish a harmonious society which is the necessary conditions for building a socialist country under the rule of law build socialism with Chinese characteristics prompting the developing of economics and society.So we must have a good deal with neighbors.The second,communicating with neighbors is benefit for practicing our ability of social acceptability.We get the supports of material and spiritual when we are talking with neighbors.That is good for developing of mind and healthy.So we must have a good deal with neighbors.I am happy to see that more than 50% persons have communicated with neighbors frequently.
In my opinion,the country would establish some rules about the culture of society which encourage the communicating with neighbors.And we would get together with our neighbors to take part in some activities to build a healthy relation of community.
作者: 万事屋的哟 时间: 14-11-1 23:19
本帖最后由 万事屋的哟 于 14-11-1 23:24 编辑
look forward to your review, thx
Communications Between Neighbors
The pie chart above clearly reflects the situation about communications between neighbors. According to the statistics displayed in the diagram, there are 97 individuals who often communicate between neighbors, accouting for 52.15% of the total population. In comparision, there are 13 individuals who seldom or never communicate, accounting for 6.99% of the total 186 people.
There are a good many factors that contribute to this matter and the main reasons are as follows. In the first place, nowadays, with the social competition becoming keener, people in mounting numbers feel the great pressure related to the worklife. To them, communication between neighbors may be an excellent way to relax themselves. In the second place, there are also a group of people who are introverted. Because of the development of the morden lifestyle, maybe they become much more alienated from the outside world.
As has been mentioned above, from my point of view, countermeasures should be taken so as to improve the current situation. First of all, a widespread campaign should be launched to make more and more people realize the significance about the communication between neighbors. In the further step, a varity of activities should be organized to encourage those introverted people to contact with other people and help them have a colorful life than before.
作者: Moonriver 时间: 14-11-1 23:36
本帖最后由 Moonriver 于 14-11-2 14:08 编辑
请老师指正……可以的话能打分吗？辛苦了…！
Communications Between Neighbors
How do you get along with your neighbors? Throughout the chart above that had 186 people investigated, it can be informed that there’re several models, including “seldom or not communicate”, “greeting only” and “frequent communication”, that people use to deal with their neighborship, each accounts for 6.99%, 40.86% and 52.15% in the proportion.
Communication is to man what water is to vegetation. It is communication that counts, playing a crucial role during we social group’s evolution. Only by keeping connect will we acquire more complementary knowledge, build up a more cosy society. Without communication, life will be full of baffles and loneliness. What’s worse, it may bring about frustration. That’s why people prefer communicating frequently with neighbors to ignoring.
To create a more appropriate circumstance, not only should the neighbor-between communication be out of polite, but it should be agreeable and sincere. Not so familiar though neighbors are, it still be necessary for people to communicate with, so that we can make it a harmony world all together.
作者: EllenWonka 时间: 14-11-2 01:05
The above table manifestly reflects how often people communicate between neighbors. Based upon the data offered,we can see that there are 13 residents barely talk to their next door out of 186 interviewees,6.99 percent of them. In comparison,the number of dwellers who greet their neighbors only soars dramatically to 76--the percentage of 40.86. Meanwhile,more than half of the total claim that they always have communications with people living around them.
Depending on the chart, we can assume that the tiny majority may have taken advantages of keeping in touch with neighbors. First and foremost,human beings hardly are solitary creatures. When we reside in the middle of a community,it’s inevitable to build connections with each other. In addition,getting on well with neighbors can bring us actual benefit. We mortals might be trapped into some kind of emergency that need helping out. Last but by no means least,fantastic relationships somehow is a crucial part of our lives. Communicating with neighbors can lighten up our daily lives.
Nevertheless, quite a ratio of people are not willing to have a conversation more than greeting with their neighbors. Indeed,each of us have every right to choose any kind of lifestyle without being judged,but,in my point of view,appropriate communications can never be harmful.
went to bed前才猛然想起今天可以写作文，火速打开电脑发现已经三篇开外了，残念但还是想要写完。
这次花了一点时间...第三问的solution让我想了好一会儿...囧
不知道有没有离题............
希望能得到批改。
万分感谢！
ps这个活动太好啦！可以再开两期吗？（眨巴着星星眼）
作者: 冯信子 时间: 14-11-2 11:00
[p:08]
Communications Between Neighbors
As can be seen from diagram above, though the figure of residents who usually communicate with their neighbors is narrowly beyond 50 percent, it is far from what we expect, and there is still a comparatively large proportion of people belonging to the group which is just simply greeting when meeting their neighbors or even none.
What the thought-provoking graph illustrates is a common phenomenon in current society. There are generally two factors accounting for it. Above all, with the increasing pace of our modern life, it seems that almost every inhabitant who is occupied with their endless work or study has no sumptuous time to communicate with their neighbors. In addition, development in technology brings a platform for convenient online communication. As a result, people communicate little in reality and more and more people lack effective communication skills. Admittedly, it is because of less communication that our society is becoming indifferent.
It is imperative that we should take some drastic measures. First and foremost, the community should move forward in terms of establishing congregate activities and social intercourse skills should be universalized among residents. Furthermore, individuals should cultivate the awareness of communication with neighbors in reality. With a proper step, I believe that the relationship between people will be harmonious and we will embrace a better and warmer society.
这么快就到最后一期了。。。
跟着写了三期，自我感觉写作思路清晰好多，只是还木有被老师详细批改过，对自己的水平把握不是很清o(╯□╰)o
老师这次还木有时间详细批改的话能不能给个分参照一下啊
另外，希望老师能针对我的情况指导一下接下来的努力方向
作者: liuce0307 时间: 14-11-2 13:47
支持[r:1]
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-4 09:45
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-11-4 09:48 编辑
明矾waitac 发表于 14-11-1 20:29
Nowadays,the deteriorating relationship in neighborhoods,which has provoked nationwide noisy debates ...
写作原文
Nowadays, the deteriorating relationship in neighborhoods（relationship among neighbors）, which has provoked nationwide noisy debates（此句受模板影响，建议改为which is vividly depicted in the chart，以加强现象与图画的联系），is commonly seen in any urban area. From the picture, we can learn that people who frequently communicates（people在此为复数意义，改为communicate）with their neighbors amounts（amount）to 51.21%（52.15%，细心）,and what about the others? They are the persons who have shallow human relations（表达不地道，可改为They are not that acquainted with each other 或They barely know each other）.
（第一段点评:文章开篇即开门见山地指出现象，然后再描述图画，这一叙述方式相对而言不那么老套，值得肯定。但是，作者应注意两个问题：一是避免使用无实际意义的模板句式；二是加强文意之间的衔接。）
The issue is attributed to two factors. The first and perhaps the most important is that the Internet, to most individuals, has become the most popular leisure activity. The modern way of communication（注意上下文联系，前文提出“网络成为最受欢迎的休闲活动”，后面顺承“现代交流方式”；而“休闲活动不等同于交流方式”，并且“现代化的交流方式不只网络交流一种”。即，作者需注意思维逻辑的严谨性。）, which has surely detached people from their time commitment to normal relationships（which occupies much of their time and attention）, has taken the place of the face-to-face one. The other reason is that people nowadays is（are）fully occupied （前面一句改为occupies，为避免用词重复，此处相应地可改为distracted）by their work and business, because of the pressure of survival（建议加in the society）. And there is little time left to communicate with each other.
（第二段点评：作者本段分析现象原因，先总说“有两方面的原因”，然后再具体陈述：第一，网络这种现代化交流方式取代了传统的面对面交流；第二，人们生活压力大，很少有时间和他人交流。无论从文章的整体性而言，还是从段内分析的方式来说，本段的写作思路都没有任何问题。唯一值得注意的是，在叙述的过程中要保证思维逻辑的严谨性。）
Such phenomenon is quite distressing and should be condemned（建议用improved，与后面提出的建议措施对应）. Actually，community involvement is a good way to put an end to this phenomenon（建议改为current situation，避免跟前面的phenomenon重复）. Activities including dancing and singing, can not only relax ourselves after a week’s tense work and study, but also strengthen our friendship. What we gain, from social practices and communications, might （此处缺少谓语动词，加be） far more than our anticipation so long as we participate in community activities.
（第三段点评：本段段首的“Such phenomenon is quite distressing and...”一句表明本段的中心是给出相关的解决措施。之后作者提出“社区参与是一个很好的解决方法”，随后具体说明社区参与能给人们带来什么好处，最后一句重申社区参与的必要性。这一叙述思路清晰，充实有据。）
参考分数（满分15分）：10
本文立意正确，思路清晰，结构完整，需注意以下几方面的问题：
1. 在遣词造句时再斟酌一下，以加强上下文意的联系，即保证前后逻辑严谨统一。
2. 文章有细节语法问题，辨别单复同形词语什么时候表单数概念，什么时候为复数意义，并保持主谓一致，同时注意保证语句的完整性。
3. 文章一些地方表意不够精准地道，需逐步积累并提升。
4. 注意词汇的同义替换，加强语言表达的丰富性。
5. 文章个别地方使用模板句式，建议逐步去除，尤其是无实际意义的内容。
总之，作者在写作思路和写作框架方面把握较好，倘若能够注重以上问题并努力改善，一定能够写出很好的文章！加油！
考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月4日
作者: 明矾waitac 时间: 14-11-4 11:31
谢谢详细的批改~~
我会仔细修改哒
这是最后一次啦，么么哒老师
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-4 16:24
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-11-8 14:40 编辑
写作原文
The table orderly arranges the percentage distribution of communication between neighbors. The percentages of people who seldom communicate with their neighbors and those greeting their neighborhoods merely when they encounter are respectively 6.99（6.99%）and 40.86（40.86%）, which approximately equal to the proportion of people frequently getting along with neighbors. Apparently, the table given above casts light on such an issue that the associations between neighbors have been far from intimate contacts.
（第一段点评：本段先总述图表描述的对象“邻里交流的比例”，然后分别阐述“很少交流或完全不交流”以及“只限于见面打招呼”的比例，并指出两者基本等同于“经常交流”的比例，最后指出图表的寓意。这一描述思路没有什么问题，但需注意：本段有70字，而考研英语二大纲规定的字数为150字以上，建议适当精简。）
Frankly speaking, there are sane（单词拼写错误，且根据下文，此处改为two更合适）reasons accounting for the phenomenon. On the one hand, individuals who gradually play（place）a high value on themselves, pursuing the work promotion（job promotions）, devoting to raising kids, are too busy to pour attention to their neighbors. On the other hand, as（改为with/along with/due to，as作“随着……”之意时为连词，引导时间状语从句，而此处后面是短语）the improvement of scientific technology,（加the）Internet is utilised to meet all kinds of demands including communication, giving rise to a common notion that the necessities (necessity) of keeping contact with neighbors are（is） fading.
（第二段点评：本段具体描述图表现象产生的原因：从自身角度而言，人们过于关注自己而忽视了邻居；从外界来说，现代化的交流方式改变了人们对于邻里交流的观念。前者是内因，后者为外因。这种先总括后分述的写作思路非常清晰，建议“先陈述外因，后揭示内因”，如此“由浅及深”的论述更加符合逻辑。）
In no case can we deny that the function of （加the） network is overestimated by us, （加and，两个简单句之间若用逗号隔开，则要加连词）the rush pace of mordern （modern）life leading（缺少谓语，改为leads） to the（删除，egocentricity为抽象名词，前面一般不跟冠词） egocentricity which will hinder the（删除）social progress, or rather, we will pay a high price for （加the。尽管ignorance为抽象名词，但在此已经具体化，指“对他人的无知”，所以要加定冠词）ignorance of others. As the old saying goes, a far-off relative is not as helpful as a near neighbor. Thus,it is a（删除） high time for us to do something to reverse it. Firstly, we are supposed to open our mind, cordinally（cordially）, to make friends with our neighbor（neighbors，注意名词的单复数，并保持名词与代词在意义和数上一致）, to assist them as possible as we can instead of confining ourselves in （加a）room accompanied with coldly computer（coldly为副词，改为a cold computer）. Secondly, society are (the society is) entitled to encourage people to spare（用share比较合适） joy and pain with their friends in reality, starting from the neighbor（neighbors）.
（第三段点评：本段先论述“邻里关系淡漠”带来的负面影响，然后用一句谚语“a far-off relative is not as helpful as a near neighbor”点明邻里关系的重要性，由此发出“it is high time for us to do something to reverse it”这一呼吁，随后给出自己对于这一现象的相关建议。单从本段内容而言，思路清晰，逻辑合理。）
参考分数（满分15分）：7
总体点评
需注意以下几方面的问题：
1. 本文共245字，严重超出了考研英语（二）写作的字数要求（150字以上），建议删减部分内容。本文的写作思路是“描述图画+点明寓意——分析现象原因——现象不良影响+建议措施”，事实上无论是分析现象原因还是论述其不良影响，都能够直接引出建议措施（仅需用相关的过渡句进行衔接），因此作者要么从现象原因入手进行删减，要么删除不良影响，亦可对两者进行高度概括，以减少文章字数。此外，文章在描述图画时所用文字较多，亦可适当精简。
2. 文章有一些语法错误，应着重注意冠词的用法（尤其是抽象名词前什么时候加冠词、什么时候不加冠词）、谓语动词和非谓语动词的区别、连词as的用法、同一名词可数时和不可数时的意义区别以及名词的单复数。
3. 注意单词的词性。
4. 文章有个别单词拼写错误，应更加细心。
5. 文章个别地方表达不够精准，需逐步积累常用短语的正确表述，并注意近义词辨析。
总之，作者写作目前存在的最大问题是对字数的把控，在理清思路的基础上，学会如何在多种素材中选取最能够体现文章主旨的内容来组织成文。与此同时，作者也要注意以上其他问题。相信通过努力，作者的写作一定会有更大的提升，加油！
考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月4日
作者: xingdeweixiao 时间: 14-11-4 16:27
晚上回去写～～
作者: 小四爷 时间: 14-11-4 18:33
5555 又打回原形了。。。好在不是相同的原因，比较欣慰，我果然很会自我安慰～
其实写完就知道字数超了 左看右看不舍得删～就自我催眠，老师看不到，看不到。。。。
谢谢老师，经过几期练习发现我作文很多毛病，知道该怎么改进了～
作者: 小四爷 时间: 14-11-4 18:40
缺少谓语那里我是想用独立主格来～很明显用错了噗
我以为in no case can we deny that可以是一个完整的句子来
如果用独立主格我该怎么改
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-5 11:22
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-11-5 11:25 编辑
写作原文
This is a statistical analysis picture（a statistical chart）. It shows that there are 186 persons take（taking，注意区分谓语动词与非谓语动词的用法）part in this investigation,13 persons who never or occasionally communicate with their neighbors being （此处应使用谓语动词，且根据语意应改为account for）about（删除，后面的6.99%是确数而不是概数）6.99% of all persons（删除）,76 persons who just say “hello” when they meet each other being（make up）about（删除） 40.86% of all persons（删除） and 97 persons communicating（communicate） with their neighbors frequently.
（第一段点评：作者本段在描述图表时力求全面，须知，描述图表时不必列举图表中的所有信息，只需紧抓能够反映现象的信息进行描述；同时，具体数量和所占比例也不必都体现，两者择其一即可，一般情况下多使用比例，比较直观。此外，本段以及第二段都没有点明图表反映的是什么现象，这一点不可忽视。）
The first（First）, HuJintao（Hu Jintao，注意人名的拼写）,the former President of People’s Republic of China, argued（用stated更加合适）that we must establish a harmonious society which is the necessary conditions （改为condition，前面仅提及a harmonious society，应保持一致）for building a socialist country under the rule of law build socialism（建设法治社会？受汉语影响严重，可表述为constructing a society governed by law） with Chinese characteristics prompting the developing of economics and society（改为to prompt the development of economy and society，即用动词不定式短语作目的状语）. （本句语言表述有些啰嗦，且与文章的论点联系不是十分密切，应适当精简。）So we must have a good deal with neighbors. The second（Second）, communicating with neighbors is benefit（beneficial，注意词语的词性） for practicing our ability of social acceptability. We （建议加can）get the supports of material and spiritual（material and spiritual supports）when we are talking with neighbors（首先，此处用时间状语从句不是很合适，并且从句中的时态选取也不合适；其次，“与邻居交谈可以获得精神支持，但并不能得到物质支持”。建议改为from associating with neighbors“在同邻居的来往中”。）. That（建议改为【，which】，即用非限定性定语从句加强上下文意的衔接。） is good for developing of mind and healthy（改为our mental health）. So we must have a good deal with neighbors（本句前面已经出现，建议转换语言，进行同义替换）. I am happy to see that more than 50% persons have communicated（此处用一般现在时更加合适，改为communicate） with （建议加their）neighbors frequently.
（第二段点评：本段作者先指出“胡锦涛关于建设和谐社会的主张”，由此引出我们必须与邻居和谐相处；然后具体阐述“与邻居交往可以给我们的物质生活和精神生活带来帮助”，再次得出我们必须与邻居和谐相处的结论。因此，作者本段的写作主旨是“论述我们为什么要处理好邻里关系”，建议在段首用一个统领全段的主旨句，来概括这一内容，使论证更加明确。此外，本段最后一句用在这里并没有多大意义，建议删除。）
In my opinion,the country would （should）establish some rules about the culture of society which encourage（“制定社会文化规则”不符合逻辑，建议改为to encourage，即用动词不定式短语作目的状语）the communicating with neighbors（communication between neighbors） . And we would （should）get together with our neighbors to take part in some activities to build a healthy relation（relationship）of community（in the community）.
（第三段点评：文章第二段的主旨为“we must have a good deal with neighbors”，本段从政府和自身两个角度，分别说明我们应该如何deal with，思路连贯，前后顺承。需注意保证自己给出的建议措施符合常理。）
参考分数（满分15分）：7
总体点评
文章在立意、结构、思路等方面都没有大的问题，需注意：
1. 对于英语二写作而言，本文字数稍微有点儿多，注意文章的紧凑性，删除与文章主旨联系不大的不必要内容。此外，在描述完图表之后，要点明图表寓意。
2. 加强前后语句的语意衔接，可在复习中总结学习范文（不限于作文，亦可是真题的完型、阅读、新题型等文章）的语意衔接技巧。并注意加强思维的严谨性，保证前后语句逻辑正确，且符合常理。
3. 文章有一些语法错误，尤其是谓语动词与非谓语动词的区别、情态动词的选择等。
4. 注意单词的词性。
5. 注意同根词（近义词）的辨析，如economy（经济）与economics（经济学）。
6. 文章有部分内容受汉语思维影响，表达不够地道，需逐步积累改善。
总之，文章的思路和框架都没有问题。在内容方面，一定要点明图表寓意，并保证文章的紧凑性。此外，作者要重视自己的语法和语言表达，同时注意前后语意衔接。“一分耕耘，一分收获”，只要方向正确，努力就会提高，加油！
考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月5日
作者: 笔为剑 时间: 14-11-5 11:25
我的英文论文写了27页然后去投稿，杂志要求我把字数控制在25页之内（不许修改字体和行间距），我也舍不得删内容但是又不得不删，很心疼。
作者: 小四爷 时间: 14-11-5 15:47
是啊是啊，只要写了就不舍得删～
哈哈不许改变行间距和字体大小，怎么这么有才呢，不说都没想到～
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-5 16:15
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-11-5 16:18 编辑
写作原文
The pie chart above clearly reflects the situation about communications（communication作“交流”之意时不可数，改为communication） between neighbors. According to the statistics displayed in the diagram, there are 97 individuals who often communicate between neighbors（with their neighbors）, accouting（accounting） for 52.15% of the total population. In comparision（comparison）, there are 13 individuals who seldom or never communicate（前面已经使用了communicate，为了避免重复，可改为talk to their neighbors ）, accounting for （前面已经出现accounting for ，为避免重复，可改为making up）6.99% of the total 186 people.
（第一段点评：文章开篇直述图表所反映的问题，然后描述图表的具体内容。需要注意的是，作者仅提到“经常与邻居交流的97人占总数的52.15%，很少或完全不与邻居交流的13人占6.99%”，忽略了“只限于见面打招呼”这一人群，实际上这类人与前面所述的6.99%的人一样，都体现出邻里交流的淡漠，为“经常交流”的反面，不可忽视。此外，描述图表时，所用语言一定要精要，紧抓能够体现图表寓意的关键信息。）
There are a good many factors that contribute to this matter and the main reasons are as follows. In the first place, nowadays, with the social competition becoming keener, people in mounting numbers feel the（删除） great pressure related to the worklife. To them, communication between neighbors may be an excellent way to relax themselves. In the second place, there are also a group of people who are introverted. Because of the development of the morden (modern) lifestyle, maybe they become much more alienated from the outside world.
（第二段点评：本段第一句“There are a good many factors that contribute to this matter and the main reasons are as follows”点明段落主旨，并引出下文。作者提出的第一点是“社会竞争日益激烈，人们工作压力大，与邻居交流可以放松自己”，紧接着提出的第二点为“一些人自身比较内向，加上现代生活方式的发展，他们与外界更加疏远”，由这两点可知作者是在分析“不同人群之所以与邻居有不同程度的交流的原因”。通读文章的第一段和第二段，作者并没有明确表明图表揭示的是不同人群与邻里交流的不同程度（只提出the situation about communication between neighbors），在总括原因时也使用的是this matter这一模糊概念，致使文章的写作主旨不够明晰，使人读罢不能一目了然。）
As has been mentioned above, from my point of view, countermeasures should be taken so as to improve the current situation. First of all, a widespread campaign should be launched to make more and more people realize the significance about the communication between neighbors. In the further step, a varity（variety）of activities should be organized to encourage those introverted people to contact with other people and help them have a（加more，后面使用than…，因此前面应使用比较级）colorful life than before.
（第三段点评：文章第一句提出“countermeasures should be taken so as to improve the current situation”，而上文仅是分析两种人与邻里交流与否的原因，并没有反映出current situation具有什么不好的特点因而需要改善，因此文章的逻辑不够严谨。此外，文章给出的建议措施过于模式化，不够切近话题本身。）
参考分数（满分15分）：7
总体点评
文章存在以下几点问题：
1. 考研英语一大纲规定的字数要求为160—200字（20分），而英语二大纲的字数要求为150字以上（15分），由此可知本文的215个字稍微有点儿多，建议精简至180字左右。
2. 文章的写作思路不够明晰，且前后内容之间的联系不够密切，逻辑不严谨。
3. 文章有部分单词拼写错误，需细心，并加强单词记忆。
4. 文章有细节语法问题，注意同一名词可数时和不可数时的意义区别，并注意冠词的用法。
5. 在语言表述方面，文章存在以下两点问题：一是文章个别语言表达不够地道，二是文章部分内容用词重复，建议进行同义替换，以加强文章语言表达的丰富性。
6. 文章的部分内容比较模式化，需切合话题自身视实分析。
总之，作者的语法基础不错，需加强对图表的理解以更好地立意，同时明确表意，使文章的写作思路更加明晰，并加强前后内容逻辑的严谨性。只要能针对以上问题进行改善，作者的写作一定能取得很大的提高，加油！
考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月5日
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-6 11:41
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-11-6 14:58 编辑
写作原文
How do you get along with your neighbors? Throughout the chart above that had 186 people investigated（建议改为As shown in the chart above, 186 people are investigated), (加and) it can be informed that there’re several models, including “seldom or not（never）communicate”, “greeting only” and “frequent communication”（首先，including为介词，后面跟名词、代词或动名词；其次，“交流”侧重于动作，因此用动名词比较合适。因此改为“seldom or never communicating”， “only greeting” and “frequently associating”，最后一处使用associating是为了避免用词重复）, that（that不能引导非限定性定语从句） people use to deal（改为are used to dealing来表达“习惯……”的概念） with their neighborship（neighbors）（删除。前面已经使用“How do you get along with your neighbors?”这一问句，后面的“…there’re several models, including…”是对其进行的回答，因此这一部分表意重复。）, each accounts for 6.99%, 40.86% and 52.15% in the proportion（each意为“每一个”，用在这里不合适。建议改为accounting for 6.99%, 40.86% and 52.15% respectively，即用现在分词短语作伴随状语。）.
（第一段点评：本段先用一个问句来引出人们对于图表的关注，然后具体阐述图表信息，这一叙述方式相对较好。存在的问题有：其一，图画描述没有侧重点，且语言表意不够精准；其二，本段及第二段都没有点明图表寓意，这一点不容忽视。）
Communication is to man what water is to vegetation. It is communication that counts, playing a crucial role during we social group’s evolution（in the course of human evolution）. Only by keeping connect（connecting） will we acquire more complementary knowledge, build up a more cosy（cosy意为“warm，comfortable and safe，especially because of being small or enclosed”，用在这里不合适） society. Without communication, life will be full of baffles and loneliness. What’s worse, it（it指代不明，建议改为【, which, even worse,】，即用非限定性定语从句来衔接） may bring about frustration. That’s why people prefer communicating frequently with neighbors to ignoring（加them）.
（第二段点评：文章首句“Communication is to man what water is to vegetation”表明接下来的论述围绕交流的重要性展开，接着作者从正反两面着手，对比论证交流的重要性。“正因为交流如此重要，所以人们才更愿意与邻居往来而不是忽视他们”。这一论证本身没有什么问题，但是作者忽视了几乎不与邻居往来的人们占据47.85%，与经常与邻居交流的52.15%相差不是甚远，不能得出“people prefer communicating frequently with neighbors to ignoring them”的结论，因此建议删除最后一句。）
To create a more appropriate circumstance（建议改为friendly atmosphere）, not only should the neighbor-between communication be out of polite（communication between neighbors be out of politeness，注意polite是形容词）, but it should be agreeable and sincere. Not so familiar （建议改为Unrelated） though neighbors are, it still be（is）necessary for people to communicate with（加each other）, so that we can make it a harmony（harmonious）world all together.
（第三段点评：本段作者阐述自己的观点，先针对如何改善邻里关系给出了自己的建议，之后呼吁人们加强交流，并提出这样做的好处。这一写作思路条理清晰，前后连贯。）
参考分数（满分15分）：7
总体点评
总体而言，本文的立意和写作方向没有什么大的问题，需注意以下几个方面：
1. 看到图表时需先分析，清楚其想要表现什么内容；描述图表要根据文章的立意分清主次，并借助语言表达来体现；描述完图表后，需点明图表的寓意，因为这是文章主旨的体现，起着统领全文的作用，千万不可忽视。
2. 文章段落之间缺少衔接，应借助连词、过渡句等衔接技巧加强段落彼此之间关系的体现。此外，注意语句之间的语意衔接。
3. 文章有一些语法错误，需注意介词的用法、定语从句的引导词、系动词的形式等问题。
4. 记忆单词的时候，一方面要注意单词的词性，另一方面要注意近义词之间的词义区别。
5. 文章有一些语言表述不够精准或不够地道，这一点需逐步改善。
总之，作者应在明确文章的立意和主旨、加强段落衔接、巩固相关的语法知识等方面进行努力，同时注意词语的词性和词义，并逐步加强自己的英语表述能力。
考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月6日
作者: 献给虚无的供物 时间: 14-11-6 18:05
本帖最后由 献给虚无的供物 于 14-11-6 18:26 编辑
第一次写作文，麻烦请老师指点，十分感谢
The table given above compares the proportions of communications between neighbors, indicating that the neighborhood relations may appear more detached than we have imagined. From the table, it is pity that only 52.15% people could communicate with their neighbors frequently，which means that nearly half of individuals would seldom or never do it.
This phenomenon —— people are indifferent to each other is not isolated —— could be weighed heavily by several factors. Firstly, as the economic boom brings not merely material comfort but fast rhythm of daily life as well, modern citizens, especially those in metropolises, are undergoing an unprecedented pressure from work so that they don’t have time and energy to take care of relationship among neighbors. Additionally, the overwhelming use of Internet and the wide emergence of innovative E-products, ranging from smart phone to Ipad Mini, have prevented our fellow citizens from talking with each other face to face. Instead of chatting in real life, people are discussing issues in virtual zones, which are comprised of many chilly computers.
To sum it up, living in a modern country, neighborhood gives people a sense of strangeness. Thus, we should help them resolve the alienation and leave imagined world. Communication is necessary for everyone.
作者: 万事屋的哟 时间: 14-11-6 23:13
O(∩_∩)O谢谢老师
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-7 10:09
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-11-7 10:13 编辑
写作原文
The above table manifestly reflects how often people communicate between neighbors（with their neighbors）. Based upon the data offered, we can see that there are 13 residents barely talk (talking) to their next door out of 186 interviewees, （加accounting for）6.99 percent of them（删除）. In comparison, the number of dwellers who greet their neighbors only soars dramatically to 76—the percentage of 40.86（改为【,taking up 40.86%】）. Meanwhile, more than half of the total claim that they always have communications with（communicate with）people living around them.
（第一段点评：本段作者先说明图表表现的是人们与邻居交流的频率，之后一一描述图表中所展示的三种类型。需要注意的是，在描述图表时，只需抓住能够体现文章主旨的重点信息，以使语言更加简洁。同时，文章没有明确地提出图表寓意，这对于确定文章主旨起着至关重要的作用，不可忽视。）
Depending on the chart, we can assume that the tiny majority may have taken advantages（advantage） of keeping in touch with neighbors. First and foremost, human beings hardly are solitary creatures. When we reside in the middle of a community, it’s inevitable to build connections with each other. In addition, getting on well with neighbors can bring us actual benefit (benefits). We mortals might be trapped into some kind of emergency that need helping out（that不能引导非限定性定语从句，可改为so that we are desperate for help）. Last but by no means least, fantastic relationships somehow（建议删除） is（主语relationships使用复数，注意保持主谓一致，改为are） a crucial part of our lives. Communicating with neighbors can lighten up our daily lives.
（第二段点评：本段第一句“Depending on the chart, we can assume that the tiny majority may have taken advantage of keeping in touch with neighbors”表明本段重在分析图表中经常与邻居交流的52.15%的人群，take advantage of这一短语的使用不免使人猜测作者接下来会论述与邻居交流能给人们带来什么好处。然而，文中所述的第一点“human beings hardly are solitary creatures…, it’s inevitable to build connections with each other”是与人交流的不可避免性；第二点“…getting on well with neighbors can bring us actual benefits…”是在说明邻里交流的益处；第三点前半部分陈述fantastic relationships的重要性，后半部分具体说明与邻居交流的好处——这三点内容更像是在论述为什么要和邻居相处的原因。总之，本段论点不明确，论点和论据之间缺少衔接，致使段落主旨不明晰。此外，尽管作者使用了“First and foremost”, “ In addition”和“ Last but by no means least”来衔接三个论据，但却忽视了每个论据内部的衔接，如“getting on well with neighbors can bring us actual benefits”和“We mortals might be trapped into…”之间缺少能够体现两者关系的连词。）
Nevertheless, quite a ratio of people are not willing to have a conversation more than greeting with their neighbors（quite a number of people are only willing to greet their neighbors rather than have a conversation with them）. Indeed, each of us have（has，主语为each，保持主谓一致） every right to choose any kind of lifestyle without being judged, but, in my point of view, appropriate communications （communication作“交流”之意时不可数）can never be harmful.
（第三段点评：上一段中，作者指出大部分人经常与邻居交流，并对其进行了具体阐述。接着，本段笔峰一转，提出“仍有很多人仅和邻居见面打招呼而不深入交流”，之后说道“每个人都有权选择自己的生活方式，旁人不能随意评论”，由此引出作者自己的观点“但是，我认为适当的交流绝无害处”。因此，文章通过对比两种不同的人群，辩证地给出自己的观点。）
参考分数（满分15分）：8
总体点评
本文存在以下几方面的问题：
1. 文章没有明确表明图表的寓意，致使文章主旨不明晰。同时，文章第二段的论点也不明确，段落主旨不够清晰。
2. 文章部分语句之间缺少相应的衔接，彼此独立。
3. 文章的字数稍微有点儿多，建议在描述图表部分进行适当删减。
4. 文章有部分语法问题：注意谓语动词与非谓语动词的区别，保持主谓一致（尤其当主语为each时），注意同一单词既可作可数名词又可作不可数名词的情况，注意名词的数。
5. 文章有一些语言表达不够地道。
总之，作者的写作亟待解决的问题是使文章的立意和主旨更加明晰化，同时注意语意衔接，并加强相关的语法知识复习，并逐步提升自己的语言表达。
考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月7日
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-7 11:19
可改为“The quickening pace of modern life leading to egocentricity, which will hinder social progress, in no case can we deny that the function of the network is overestimated by us…”，or rather 后面的句子与that引导的宾语从句并列，作者想使用的独立主格结构为in no case can we deny...这一整句的原因状语，若作为插入语会割裂这一并列关系，容易使人误解，因此需调整顺序。
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-7 16:27
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-11-7 16:35 编辑
写作原文
As can be seen from（加the） diagram above, though the figure of residents who usually communicate with their neighbors is narrowly beyond 50 percent, it is far from what we expect, and there is（本句的主语是people而不是proportion，因此应改为are） still a comparatively large proportion of people belonging to the group which is just simply greeting when meeting their neighbors or even none（who just simply greet their neighbors when meeting them or almost never talk to them）（建议改为though the figure…is narrowly beyond 50 percent, which is far from what we expect, there are still…，以加强语意衔接。）.
（第一段点评：本段作者在描述图表时，使用了连词though表示让步关系，表明作者想要突出体现的是后面的部分，即只与邻居见面打招呼和几乎不与邻居交流的人群。由第二段的内容可知，本文的主旨是分析邻里关系淡漠这一现象，因此作者在描述图表时重点突出，目的明确。）
What the thought-provoking graph illustrates is a common phenomenon in current society（in contemporary society）. There are generally two factors accounting for it. Above all, with the increasing pace of our modern life, it seems that almost every inhabitant who is occupied with their endless work or study has no sumptuous（extra）time to communicate with their neighbors. In addition, （加the）development in technology brings a platform for convenient online communication. As a result, people communicate little in reality and more and more people lack effective communication skills. Admittedly, it is because of less communication that our society is becoming indifferent.
（第二段点评：本段先用“What the thought-provoking graph illustrates is a common phenomenon…”一句说明图表寓意，然后用“There are generally two factors accounting for it”一句统领全段，说明本段的主旨是分析现象原因。接下来，作者分别从“没有时间交流”和“现代科技改变了人们交流方式”两个方面进行陈述。最后，作者用“it is because of less communication that our society is becoming indifferent”一句予以总结。这种“总—分—总”的论述方式使论证充实有据。但是，作者在描述图表寓意时用的是a common phenomenon这一模糊概念，并没有明确表明图表揭示的是什么现象（由后面的总结可知，应为“our society is becoming indifferent”），建议点明具体的寓意，使段落首尾呼应。）
It is imperative that we should take some drastic measures. First and foremost, the community should move forward in terms of establishing congregate activities（concrete activities） and social intercourse skills should be universalized among residents. Furthermore, individuals should cultivate the awareness of communication（此处用动名词更合适，改为communicating） with neighbors in reality. With a proper step, I believe that the relationship between people will be harmonious and we will embrace a better and warmer society.
（第三段点评：句首 “It is imperative that we should take some drastic measures”一句表明本段的主旨为给出具体的建议措施，之后作者从the community和individuals两个角度给出这一现象的解决办法，最后一句“With a proper step, I believe that…”表明作者对于解决这一问题的决心，思路清晰，内容连贯。然而，既然上一段是分析导致图表现象的原因，则本段若能结合原因给出具体的解决措施会更符合逻辑。）
参考分数（满分15分）：10
总体点评
文章描述图表重点突出，写作思路清晰连贯，论证方法也相对比较娴熟，需注意以下几点问题：
1. 在揭示图表寓意时一定要明确，以使文章的写作主旨更加明晰。
2. 要意识到文章是一个整体，前后内容应该联系紧密，而不是彼此孤立，想到什么写什么。即作者需保证上下文内容连贯，共同服务于文章的主旨，也就是加强文章的逻辑严谨性。
3. 文章有细节语法问题，注意there be句型的主谓一致、定语从句先行词和引导词之间的关系、冠词的用法以及名词与动名词的区别。
4. 受汉语影响，文章有部分词语使用不够精准和地道。
总之，作者的写作手法相对而言比较成熟，只要能够攻克以上几个问题，定能获取高分！加油！
考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月7日
作者: 小四爷 时间: 14-11-7 18:21
1 14-11-7 11:19
The quickening pace of modern life leading to egocentricity, which will hinder social pr ...
嗯嗯谢谢老师
作者: 冯信子 时间: 14-11-7 20:06
原先只是知道英语作文重逻辑，看完老师的分析真是令人叹服！
老湿提出的意见很细致到位，我造接下来前进的方向啦~~
蟹蟹老湿一个月来为我们辛苦批改作文哦~么么哒~[p:27]
作者: ally1977 时间: 14-11-7 22:53
Neighborhood communication
From the table above,we can learn some social investigation data about neighborhood communication.There are 13 persons who's communicated with neighbors seldom or incompletely in sample size about 186 persons; and there are 76 persons whose way of communication is only greeting with each other；and there are 97 persons who's communicated often.The chart shows that there is only 50 persent person regularly communicated each other.
What could have changed in just these years to make this phenomenon？Three main causes can lead to this consequences.First, time for the communication had been getting short because of everybody's busy work schedule.Second, due to the popular social networking,people are more willing to communicate with others through network but not a face-to-face talking with neighbors.Third,we are becoming increasingly less dependent on neighbors.Neighbours often helped one another in past year,but today,we thought we needn't.
Every thing has two aspects.We can not say for certain that less neighborhood communication is not necessarily a bad thing.Man is a sociable creature.We need to face to face communication.Please give more care for your neighbors,and our society will become more harmonious.
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-8 10:12
不客气，能够对大家的写作有所帮助，我们也很开心！虽然我们的四期活动就快结束了，但是如果你们在写作方面有什么疑问，都可以在这个帖子下留言，老师看到会尽快回复的。考研1号在此祝各位小朋友都考中自己理想的学府，加油哦！！！[r:15][r:15][r:15]
作者: 冯信子 时间: 14-11-8 23:00
萌萌老师棒棒哒~~[p:31]
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-9 10:09
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-11-9 10:10 编辑
写作原文
The table given above compares the proportions of communications between neighbors（different types of communication between neighbors）, indicating that the neighborhood relations （relationship） may appear more detached (表达不地道，可用not so close来进行同义转换) than we have imagined. From the table, it is（加a） pity that only 52.15% people could（删除） communicate with their neighbors frequently，which means that nearly half of（加the） individuals would seldom or never do it（建议改为while，correspondingly，nearly half of the individuals seldom or never talk to their neighbors ）.
（第一段点评：本段第一句总述图表所呈现的内容，之后具体描述图表。先从图表所占比例最大的对象“经常与邻居交流的人”入手，之后提及其反面“大约有一般人不经常与邻居交流”，并且重点突出后者。描述简要，主次分明。）
This phenomenon—people are indifferent to each other is not isolated（uncommon）—could be weighed heavily by（此处想表达“由……引起”之意，改为be caused by）several factors. Firstly, as the economic boom brings not merely material comfort but fast rhythm of daily life as well, modern citizens, especially those in metropolises, are undergoing an（删除）unprecedented pressure from work so that they don’t have（加the） time and energy to take care of（加the） relationship among（此处用with比较合适） neighbors. Additionally, the overwhelming use of （加the）Internet and the wide（受汉语影响，删除） emergence of innovative E-products, ranging from smart phone（建议用复数smart phones） to Ipad Mini（iPad Minis）, have prevented our fellow citizens from（电子产品的便利性使人们不必通过面对面即可交流，而不是阻止了人们面对面交流，此处逻辑不符合常理。） talking with each other face to face. Instead of chatting in real life, people are discussing issues in virtual zones, which are comprised of many chilly computers（本句对于文章主旨没有多大作用，建议删除）.
（第二段点评：本段第一句揭示图表寓意，并表明第二段的主旨是论述现象原因。仅接着，作者从两个方面来具体分析：一是“社会发展给人们带来了巨大的压力，致使人们没有时间和精力与邻居交流”；二是“网络和电子产品的出现使得人们面对面交流越来越少”，这种先总述后分述的写作思路非常清晰。然而，本段前面在总括原因时提到的是several factors，而后面仅论述了两点原因，前后逻辑不够严谨。要么将several改为two，要么在总括与分述之间加上诸如“但我在此仅列举最重要的两点”之类的衔接语言。）
To sum it up, living in a modern country, neighborhood gives people a sense of strangeness. Thus, we should help them resolve the alienation and leave imagined world (them指代不明，改为we should associate with our neighbors more often and get away from the virtual world) . Communication is necessary for everyone.
（第三段点评：本段第一句“to sum it up”表明作者在这一段是予以总结，给出自己的见解。然而，文章给出的总结为“neighborhood gives people a sense of strangeness”，这是邻里交流淡漠的不良影响，与上一段分析的原因不是十分契合。此外，注意句子的衔接，尤其是最后两句之间。）
参考分数（满分15分）：8
总体点评
文章需注意以下几点问题：
1. 作者需加强自己的逻辑思维能力，保证前后内容联系紧密，而不是彼此独立存在。
2. 加强文章的衔接，尤其是语句之间的衔接。
3. 文章有语法问题，尤其应注意冠词的用法以及情态动词的用法。
4. 受汉语影响，文章有部分语言表述不够精准和地道。一方面在平日的复习中积累常用的短语和词组；另一方面，逐步提升自己的英语思维能力，而不是想到汉语再进行翻译。
相信只要作者能够针对以上问题进行改善，一定能写出更好的作文！
考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月9日
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-9 10:16
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-11-9 10:24 编辑
第四期“邻里交流”作文修改总结
一、构思+内容
考生写作中出现最大的问题：图表围绕邻里交流这一主旨展开，直观地体现了现代人们与邻居之间的关系，因此考生在写作中未出现跑题的现象。然而，存在的问题有：在描述完图表之后，未点明图表寓意，致使文章写作主旨不够明晰；或是段落缺少统领全段的总括句，导致段落主旨不明确；又或是段落之间彼此独立，内容联系不紧密，逻辑不严谨。
解决方案：“邻里交流”属于社会现象类话题，同时，“邻里团结、互助和睦”也算是中华传统美德，因此文章可按照“描述图表、点明寓意——分析现象原因——给出具体的建议措施”这一写作思路来写，也可以根据“描述图表、点明寓意——论述邻里和谐共处的重要性——给出自己的观点（解决措施）”这一构思来组织成文。
思路一：
1. 第一段：描述图表+点明寓意
（注：若描述图表字数较多，也可将点明寓意部分放至文章第二段。）
描述图表：①看到图表时需先分析，清楚其反映什么现象，并确定文章立意，在此基础之上选取能够反映现象及服务文章主旨的重点信息，简明扼要地进行描述。同时，具体数量和所占比例也不必都体现，两者择其一即可，一般情况下多使用比例，比较直观。
②在描述图表时一定要细心，确保数字与图中一致，并保证确数与概数的正确使用。
点明寓意：①描述完图表后，需点明图表的寓意，因为这是文章主旨的体现，起着统领全文的作用，千万不可忽视。
②揭示图表现象一定要具体和清晰，避免使用诸如a common phenomenon和this matter之类的模糊概念。
2. 第二段：分析现象原因
这个图表显示的是当今社会人们与邻居交流较少的现象。面对这一话题，我们可以从今昔对比的角度来进行思考：以前人们与邻居关系十分亲密，随着社会的发展，邻里关系逐渐淡漠，那么，到底是哪些变化致使邻里交流变少呢？
随着社会的发展：①人员流动性增加，很多人由于频繁换工作而导致经常搬家，人们难以维持长久亲密的邻里关系；②生活节奏变快，来自工作、学习和生活的压力越来越大，人们无暇顾及邻里关系的维护；③休闲娱乐场所和方式越来越多，致使人们与邻居交流的需求减少；④现代化的通讯交流方式迅速崛起，人们不需要面对面即可与人交流，这同样减少了与邻居交流的需求……
3. 第三段：给出具体的建议措施
尽管有这么多原因致使邻里关系逐渐淡漠，但是这些都是外因，只要人们想要改变这一现状，邻里关系一定会更加亲密。行动起来吧，无论你在什么地方! 把与邻居交流作为排遣压力的一种方式，你会发现生活更加精彩和轻松！和邻居一起休闲娱乐，相比独自一人消遣会获得更多快乐！放下手中的现代通讯工具，因为它们只能传递信息，而面对面地交流传递的是真诚……
注意，在给出建议措施之前，要有恰当的过渡衔接，顺承上一段的现象原因。同时，在给出具体的解决方案的时候，不要过于模式化，要贴近话题本身，且与上文的原因相对应，有针对地提出，以保证文章的整体性和逻辑性。
思路二：
1. 第一段：描述图表+点明寓意（注意事项参照思路一）
2. 第二段：论述邻里和谐共处的重要性
正面论述：（从正面论述邻里和谐共处能给人带来什么好处）邻里关系融洽，是中华民族的优良传统，也有助于建设和谐社会。此外，俗话说“远亲不如近邻”，当在家中遇到什么问题或麻烦的时候，往往是邻居第一时间发现并帮助我们。例如……（列举一个能支撑这一论点的事例，来举例论证。如家中老人遇到磕磕碰碰，是邻居第一时间发现并拨打急救中心电话，避免了可怕的后果等）。
反面论述：（从反面论述邻里关系淡漠给生活带来什么不便）邻里关系淡漠阻碍了信息情感的交流，使人孤独，缺少安全感和精神慰藉；同时，邻里关系淡漠使人在遇到困难时孤助无缘，甚至在客观上会纵容助长一些违法犯罪行为……
3. 第三段：给出自己的观点（解决措施）
既然邻里关系对人们的生活如此重要，那么我们应该努力增进邻里交流，促进邻里关系。因此，我认为，政府应加强邻里和睦相处的倡导，使人们意识到邻里交流的重要性；社区可以增加一些公共活动设施，开展一些社区活动，增加邻居交流的机会；个人应该主动与邻居交流……
注意：在此给出解决措施之前，也应该有适当的衔接，来顺承上一段所论述的重要性。此外，本段在给出建议方案时，可以从多角度来分析。
总之，无论是哪一种写作思路，都要认识到文章是一个整体，前后内容应该彼此联系，共同服务于文章的主旨。此外，以上两种写作思路和相关内容只是示例，望各位考生能够受此启发，来拓宽自己的思路，写出内容更加充实、逻辑更加严谨的文章！
二、语言+表达
存在问题及相关建议：
1. 考生在写作中存在的最大的语言表述问题是表达不够地道：一些考生用词不够精准；部分考生受汉语思维影响严重，所写语句比较汉化；还有的考生所写句子重复赘余，比较啰嗦。一方面，在平日记忆词汇的时候，不要受汉语释义的影响，建议根据英文释义来记忆单词，以准确掌握词汇的意义和用法；另一方面，在写作使不要先想好汉语，然后再逐词翻译成英文，而应该多积累一些常用的英文表述，并加强自己的英文思维能力；同时，写作时保证句子言简意赅，避免几种表述的杂糅。
2. 文章的一些词汇、短语或语句重复出现。建议在平时的复习中，多积累同一意义的不同表达，在作文的过程中进行同意替换，也可通过使用代词或定语从句等，来避免名词重复。同时，在阅读范文的过程中，逐渐积累同意替换的技巧。
3. 模版句式的使用，存在两个问题：一是模版句型模仿错误；二是没有实际意义。建议基础不是很好的同学可以套用部分模版句型来组织成文，但是一定要清楚模版句式本身的结构，以正确仿写；而基础较好的同学，则尽量避免套用模版句式，杜绝出现与话题联系不大、无实际内容的模版句。
4. 与上一期活动一样，一些考生文章并没有多少语法错误，但是语句平淡无奇。针对这种情况，要想在语言上获得提升，可以通过使用一些“非谓语动词及短语作状语、独立主格结构、插入语、定语从句、主语从句、表语从句、强调句、倒装句、感叹句”等来丰富文章的语法结构。但是，一定要保证上述语法使用正确，否则会适得其反；此外，文章不是长句越多越好，而应长短结合、错落有致。
三、语法+词汇
语法方面：
1. 保证句子结构完整和正确，避免出现“因在主语前加介词致使句子缺少主语”“因混淆非谓语动词与谓语动词而导致句子缺少谓语或出现双谓语”“因不清楚词语词性而导致句子缺少谓语动词”和缺少宾语等情况；
2. 区分短语和句子，并清楚连词的用法，尤其应注意as的用法；同时，两个简单句若用逗号隔开，则需用连词连接；
3. 注意主谓一致，尤其是there be 句型中的主谓一致、主语为each时的主谓一致以及主语所用名词单复同形时的主谓一致，同时注意“the +形容词”表示一类人，其谓语动词应使用复数；
4. 注意非谓语动词（动词不定式、动名词、现在分词、过去分词）的使用及其之间的区别；
5. 注意情态动词的选择和使用；
6. 注意冠词的用法，尤其是抽象名词前面什么时候用冠词什么时候不用；
7. 注意介词的用法，后面跟名词、代词或动名词，不跟形容词；并区分不及物动词后跟不同介词的意义；
8. 注意定语从句的引导词，尤其that不能引导非限定性定语从句；
9. 注意主语从句的引导词，若为that时，that不可省略；
10. 注意名词的单复数；
11. 注意代词的使用，需指代明确，同时所选的代词在意义和数上需与前面的名词保持一致；
12. 注意时态的选取要切合实际，同时描述图表时多使用相应的现在时态；
词汇方面：
1. 保证单词拼写无误；
2. 在记忆单词时，要根据其英文释义进行理解，以辨别近义词的用法；
3. 在记忆词汇时，不仅要记词义，也要重视不同词义所对应的词性；
4. 注意同一名词即可数也不可数的情况，清楚什么词义可数，什么词义不可数；
5. 注意名词和动名词的区别：动名词是由动词变化而来，它仍保留着动词的某些特征，具有动词的某些变化，用以表达名词所不能表达的较为复杂的意念。若只强调行为，则多选用名词，若强调动作，则多用动名词。
四、逻辑+衔接
考生在写作时，要保证前后内容逻辑清晰，并符合常理，尤其是段落之间要联系紧密。同时，注意衔接，即“确保连词使用无误”和“做好语意顺接（即过渡）”。可在复习中分析范文（不限于作文，亦可是真题的完型、阅读、新题型等文章）的行文组织和逻辑思维，同时总结并学习范文的语意衔接技巧。要清楚，逻辑严谨对于英文写作非常重要，还是那句话“中文文章多以情动人，而英文文章多以理服人”，因此不能轻视！
总之，写作考察的是一个人的综合能力，并不是说自己所写的语句没有什么错误，就一定能拿高分。除了符合考研英语写作的基本要求（如字数、段落）之外，立意、构思、内容、逻辑、衔接、语法、词汇、表达，每一个方面都不容忽视。因此，考生首先需要做的，是发现自己写作的不足，并逐步进行改善。“人若有志，万事可为”，无论你的基础如何，只要立志提高并付出努力，一定能写出很好的作文！
考研1号编辑部
2014年11月9日
作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-9 10:26
昨晚论坛进不去，所以今天才发活动总结，很是抱歉！同学们现在可以看到啦[j:24][j:24][j:24]
作者: 吃个橘子 时间: 14-11-9 11:17
赞个先 
作者: 献给虚无的供物 时间: 14-11-10 14:56
感谢老师的指点，很多问题的确是自身缺乏地道的英语思维以及部分套用一些模板而产生的，我会记住老师建议进行改善
作者: woneqq 时间: 14-11-13 15:58
这么快就到最后一期
作者: hyts3366 时间: 14-11-14 12:51
顶一个，赞赞赞
作者: 浮生倾 时间: 14-11-14 23:43
好有意思。。。
作者: 410866727 时间: 14-11-17 12:33
Communications Between Neighbors
How do you get along with your neighbors? Throughout the chart above that had 186 people investigated, it can be informed that there’re several models, including “seldom or not communicate”, “greeting only” and “frequent communication”, that people use to deal with their neighborship, each accounts for 6.99%, 40.86% and 52.15% in the proportion.
Communication is to man what water is to vegetation. It is communication that counts, playing a crucial role during we social group’s evolution. Only by keeping connect will we acquire more complementary knowledge, build up a more cosy society. Without communication, life will be full of baffles and loneliness. What’s worse, it may bring about frustration. That’s why people prefer communicating frequently with neighbors to ignoring.
To create a more appropriate circumstance, not only should the neighbor-between communication be out of polite, but it should be agreeable and sincere. Not so familiar though neighbors are, it still be necessary for people to communicate with, so that we can make it a harmony world all together.
作者: lijianbo7909 时间: 14-11-17 12:45
好厉害！向你们学习！！！
作者: sjp0223 时间: 14-11-18 00:02
还看见了就看了
作者: sjp0223 时间: 14-11-18 00:02
还看见了就看了
作者: sjp0223 时间: 14-11-18 00:02
还看见了就看了
作者: sjp0223 时间: 14-11-18 00:02
还看见了就看了
作者: sjp0223 时间: 14-11-18 00:03
还看见了就看了
作者: sjp0223 时间: 14-11-18 00:03
还看见了就看了
作者: zhu81962275 时间: 14-11-19 12:17
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽
作者: 熙熙一 时间: 14-11-19 19:24
啊，才发现啊，现在写还来的及吗
作者: lixiansheng9 时间: 14-11-19 22:08
zicizicizici
作者: 熙熙一 时间: 14-11-20 20:03
Recently,a team of researchers have studied the
作者: 熙熙一 时间: 14-11-20 20:55
刚又手机写的，太不好操作了，现换成电脑……发现这个活动比较晚，希望没有结束，辛苦老师们了。
Recently,a team of researchers have studied the phenomenon about communications between neighbors,revealing some problems
exists in our society and sketching a chart as we can see.From the chart,we learn that of all the people accepting the survey,almost 7% belong to the area of few or no communication,42% belong to saying hello only when just meet with each other,and 52% frequently communication.
It seems that the frequently communication accounts more from this picture,but we can not neglect the other two tape,which
may catch up with the former.Therefore,the picture clearly warns us the problem that there are a number of people would not like to communicate with other even neighbors.If we were examine the daily life,we would most likely find this phenomenon pronounced.Reasons behind this problem are complicated.One possible is that the net,which has already re-made such everyday pastimes as chatting with neighbors and plying sports together,is reshaping the society relationship.More important is that people living in modern life has few chance encounter with each other at all.
Surely,the situation is not socially beneficial.Undoubtedly,it is harmful to the relationship between neighbors and life quality.So,we should spend more time contributing the communication between neighbors as much as we can.To,specially,we could shorten the time on net and help our neighbors when thy need.
作者: EllenWonka 时间: 14-11-20 22:48
根据老师的意见重新写了...不知道会不会被看到...orz
不知道有没有表达清楚呢...orz
The above table manifestly reveals that there are 47.85% out of 186 interviewees only greeting when encountering their neighbors,or even having no conversation at all.Based upon the data offered, we can see that modern dwellers lack efficient communications with people living around them.
It is of no difficulty for us to come up with two factors responsible for this phenomenon. On the one hand,advanced as the contemporary technology is,there is no denying that the problem of folks being addicted to virtual world has gone from bad to worse,resulting in less and less real connection building in reality. On the other hand,along with the development of eras,structures of buildings today leave rarer chances for citizens to communicate with their neighbors than they do in ancient times.
Taking into account what has been argued so far,Internet indeed brings benefits,but by no means can we let it control our lives and watch our actual contacts with others fading away. Neighborhood committees can host varieties of activities in order to shorten the distance of residents as well.In conclusion,try to emerge from your little world and establish harmonious relationships then you will harvest a much more wonderful life.
精简了第一段但不知道会不会过于精简了毕竟第一句就开始抖数据了...
第二段的长句不知道会不会显得太冗长...
大概逻辑有条理了一点了吧..........?orz
不能仔细分析的话打个分就好谢谢谢谢~
作者: 枫舞雪域 时间: 14-11-27 15:05
自我感觉写作思路清晰好多
作者: 望舒 时间: 14-12-5 23:47
占个楼过一会儿写
作者: 苦逼的渣渣 时间: 14-12-21 15:30
加油加油哦
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