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写了个关于投稿信(cover letter)的小作文,大家一起来评点一下,能否当范文?

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楼主
笔为剑 发表于 14-7-1 11:33:03 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式

Dear Editors:
Please consider the manuscript titled “XXXXXXX”, which we wish to be considered for publication in your journal. All the authors have approved to submit to your journal. All the authors would like to declare that the work reported is an original study that has not been published previously, and not under consideration for publication elsewhere, in whole or in part. There are no conflicts of interest in the research recorded here.
We deeply appreciate your consideration of our manuscript, and we look forward to receiving insightful comments from the reviewers. If you have any queries, please don’t hesitate to contact us at the emails address below.
Thank you and best wishes.

                                                                                                                        Li Ming

本人写的,不知道能得多少分啊?有没有什么问题需要修改?谢了。

沙发
Blair 发表于 14-7-1 18:19:20 | 只看该作者
笔笔好厉害。我觉得就是有些单词和词组,重复性太高,读起来有点学生气。尝试着小修改了一下:
Dear Editors:
Please review/find the manuscript titled “XXXXXXX”, which we wish to be considered for publication in your journal. All the authors have approved the submission and would like to declare that the work reported is an original one that has not been published previously, and not under consideration for publication elsewhere, in whole or in part. There are no conflicts of interest in the research recorded here.
We deeply appreciate your consideration of our manuscript, and we look forward to receiving insightful comments from the reviewers. If you have any queries, please don’t hesitate to contact us at the emails address below.
Thank you and best wishes.

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板凳
Blair 发表于 14-7-1 18:21:23 | 只看该作者
最后一段里的consideration,换个词更好,但一时想不出了
地板
 楼主| 笔为剑 发表于 14-7-5 16:39:19 | 只看该作者
已经有专业人士进行了评价:

本文是一篇投稿信,整体上写的不错,说清了写信的目的。但整体上要注意的问题有两个:①本文属于较为正式的应用文,因此要注意称呼和署名的格式,不要英式格式和美式格式混用。称呼用了冒号,署名就要左对齐(美式);称呼部分用逗号,署名右对齐,且最好写上Sincerely yours之类的礼貌用语(英式)。②注意说话语气。本文一开始,就用省略了主语的祈使句,显得很不礼貌。
第一段第③句,写的是长句,但句子协调性不好,建议应用文多用中等句子。
第二段第②中,在一定程度上,句子受到汉语的影响,建议截成短句。

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