第3集
Desperate Housewives - Episode 01.03 - Pretty Little Picture
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"Tom Scavo" - Doug Savant
"Dr. Goldfine" - Sam Lloyd
"Karl Mayer" - Richard Burgi
"Brandi" - Anne Dudek
"Ashley Bukowski" - Emily Christine
"Mrs. Bukowski" - Nealla Gordon
"Yao Lin" - Lucille Soong
"Preston Scavo" - Brent Kinsman
"Porter Scavo" - Shane Kinsman
"Parker Scavo" - Zane Huett
"Newscaster" - Keith Pillow
Written by: Oliver Goldstick
Directed by: Arlene Sanford
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Deceased Mary Alice lies peacefully in a wooden box. Slowly, the cover is pulled up over her body, eventually covering her head. Her name is printed on a small plaque on the box.
As she begins her voice over, a knob is turned in the room she's lying in and the box carrying her body is slowly brought toward crematorium flames as she's cremated.
"After I died, I began to surrender the parts of myself that were no longer necessary. My desires, beliefs, ambitions, doubts, every trace of my humanity was discarded. I discovered when moving through eternity, it helps to travel lightly. In fact, I held onto only one thing. My memory. It’s astonishing to look back on the world I left behind. I remember it all, every single detail."
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Bree's House
Bree is shown lying wide awake in her bed, alone. She looks at her nightstand clock, which shows a time just after 5:30 in the morning.
"Like my friend, Bree Van de Kamp. I remember the easy confidence of her smile..."
Flashback to a small party Bree has, as she brings out a tray of appetizers.
"...the gentle elegance of her hand..."
Flashback to Bree purposely lighting a dish on fire, as her guests exclaim in admiration.
"...the refined warmth of her voice."
Flashback to Bree and Rex smiling and saying good night to the Youngs as they leave the Van De Kamp house.
"But what I remember most about Bree..."
Flashback to Bree closing the door behind Paul and Mary Alice and turning to Rex, who's walking away from her.
Bree: "Rex? Wasn't that a -"
"...was the look of fear in her eyes. Bree had started to realize her world was unraveling, and for a woman who despised loose ends, that was unacceptable."
Bree gets out of bed and hurries downstairs to where Rex is sleeping on the couch.
Bree: "Rex, Rex, you need to get up!"
Rex: "It’s not even light out."
Bree turns on a light and starts stripping the bed, even as Rex lies there.
Bree: "Please hurry! If the kids see you sleeping down here, they're going to start asking questions."
Rex: "Let 'em ask, I don't care anymore."
Bree: "Well, I care. They don't need to be burdened with our marital problems, and while we're working things out, the least we can do is try to keep up appearances."
Rex: "Oh yeah. Appearances. I keep forgetting about appearances."
Bree: "Oh, Rex, you look so tired."
Rex: "Ah, I didn't sleep. This damn thing is so uncomfortable."
Bree: "Well, why don't you move back upstairs and sleep in our bed?"
Rex: "We're in marriage counseling, Bree. I think that would confuse things."
Bree: "It’s just...I miss you."
Rex: "I know you do. Of course, if I don't start getting some sleep pretty soon, I'll be forced to move back upstairs out of sheer exhaustion."
He climbs the stairs, leaving Bree alone. She waits until he's gone, then reaches into a drawer and removes a pair of pliers. She lifts up the mattress off from the sleeper sofa Rex had been sleeping in, and, using the pliers, cuts some of the wiring on the bed, bending the wires up so that they poke into the mattress.
"Yes, Bree was afraid of many things. But if there was one thing she wasn't afraid of, it was a challenge."
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Credits
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"The day on Wisteria Lane began like any other, with a cup of coffee and the morning paper."
As Mary Alice talks, scenes of what she's describing show on the screen.
"And while Lynette read the business section and Gabrielle studied the fall collections and Bree searched for decorating ideas, Susan scanned the front page, and saw something that caught her eye."
Focus in on the front page of The Fairview Herald with the date, October 15, 2004, printed underneath.
Susan gets up and goes to a wall calendar. She flips the calendar to October, where there's a large Post-it® over the dates of October 15th and 16th, reading "Mary Alice dinner!"
She takes down the Post-it®.
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Outside Lynette's House
Susan walks up to Lynette's house, stepping over toys on the lawn, and knocks on the door. As she waits for the door to open, she flashes back to a previous time when she had stood there knocking on Lynette's door, and Mary Alice had answered.
Mary Alice: "Well, it’s about time!"
Susan: "Be nice, I come bearing snacks."
Mary Alice moves back to let Susan in, and the other women can be heard talking in the kitchen.
Bree: "Lynette, these cards are sticky."
Lynette: "I know. Preston used the three of diamonds to scoop jam out of a jar."
Gabrielle: "Well, we're just thankful we have 49 cards to play with."
Susan: "Hello! Sorry I'm late."
Mary Alice: "So Susan, I was just telling the girls, I want to throw a dinner party."
Susan: "Really!"
Mary Alice: "Yes. How long have we all lived on this street. We've never done a big group thing."
Bree: "I think it’s a great idea."
Mary Alice: "Paul never likes to have people over, but to heck with him, I'm doing it."
Susan: "So, when is this shindig?"
Mary Alice: "How about a month from tonight? That would be the 16th. Good for everyone?"
Lynette: "Works for me."
Bree: "Should we all make something?"
Mary Alice: "Oh, no, no. This is my party. I've been wanting to have everyone over for years. Oh, I'm so happy we're finally doing this. It’s going to be so much fun."
Back in present time, Lynette opens the door.
Lynette: "Hey!"
Susan holds up the yellow Post-it® note.
Lynette: "I know. Our dinner."
Later, the four women stand outside Lynette's house, talking.
Susan: "How could we have all forgotten about this?"
Lynette: "We didn't exactly forget. It’s just usually, when the hostess dies, the party is off."
Bree: "Lynette!"
Lynette: "I'm not being flip, I'm just pointing out a reality."
Gabrielle: "Mary Alice was so excited about it. It’s so sad."
Susan: "I think we should go through with it."
Bree: "Really? wouldn't that be in poor taste?"
Susan: "No, it’s sort of a way to honor Mary Alice. It was so important to her."
Gabrielle: "We could all use a fun night."
Bree: "Well good, because I have some new flatware that I've just been dying to show off!"
Susan: "Lynette?"
Lynette: "I'm in."
Bree: "I'll make braised lamb shanks."
Lynette: "I'm still in."
Bree: "So how many will I be cooking for?"
Gabrielle: "Seven. Three couples and Susan. Does that sound right?"
Susan: "No, it sounds very, very wrong."
Bree: "Oh, is there somebody you would like to invite?"
Mike Delfino comes jogging by, stops, and smiles. Susan waves at him. He waves back, then continues jogging.
Susan: "I have an idea."
The women smile at each other.
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Gabrielle's House
Carlos: "A dinner party. Honey, I may be working late. The Dillman proposal is a complete mess."
Gabrielle: "No, no. You promised to be home every night this week."
Carlos: "I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything. This is business!"
Gabrielle: "Says the prince as he rides off into the sunset. Boy, did the movies ever get that wrong!"
Carlos: "You know what your problem is? You're very tense. You should go to a spa or go shopping. Find a way to relax!"
He leaves and after he closes the door behind him, Gabrielle smiles and picks up the portable phone.
It rings, and John picks up the other end.
John: "Hello?"
Gabrielle: "Where are you?"
John: "Algebra."
Gabrielle: "You free at four?"
John: "I'm not sure. I've got track after school."
Gabrielle: "Well get here as fast as you can. My husband says I need to relax."
John: "You, uh, want me to keep my gym clothes on like last time?"
Gabrielle: "If you would, please."
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Lynette's House
Tom and Lynette are in the kitchen.
Tom: "A dinner party?"
Lynette: "Yeah, it will be fun! Bree’s cooking. Everyone’s coming."
The dryer buzzes and Lynette goes over to remove the clothes in it.
Tom: "You know what, I haven't even had a chance to unpack yet, honey. I just, uh, I just need to chill out for the next few days."
Lynette: "Oh, Tom. There'll be liquor, and hors devours. And grownups without children. And, and silverware. Remember silverware?"
Tom: "Honey, can you take this in for me?"
He hands her a disposable camera.
Lynette: "Have you heard anything I just said?"
Tom: "Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm wiped out. Three cities in six days. My head is just pounding. I'm not ready for a dinner party."
Lynette: "I already got a sitter."
Tom: "Can you cancel her?"
Lynette exhales sharply as she looks at him incredulously.
Tom: "Please? Look, let’s just stay in tomorrow night. We can get a bottle of wine and rent a video, and I just want to hang out with my best gal." He kisses her. "That’s all."
Lynette: "I was looking so forward to a night out."
Tom: "I know, sweetie, I'm sorry, but, I'm beat. I mean, do you remember what it’s like to work a sixty hour week?"
He walks off with Lynette staring after him.
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Bree's House
Bree packs up a lunch while Rex looks through his appointment book.
Rex: "A dinner party? Do I have to go?"
Bree: "Well, given that we're hosting it, I'd say so. By the way, you won't be drinking at this party."
Rex: "Well, why is that?"
Bree: "Because when you drink, you get chatty. No one needs to know that we're seeing Dr. Goldfine."
Rex: "You know, if you spent half as much time working on our problems as you do covering them..."
Bree: "Not a drop!"
Rex: "You know, this, this is ridiculous! This whole thing about us taking tennis lessons!"
Bree: "Well, the nurses at your office may start wondering why you're disappearing three times a week. Tennis lessons are a plausible alibi."
Rex: "So these tennis lessons we're taking. How are we doing?"
Bree: "My back hand is improving immensely, but you're still having problems with your serve."
Rex: "Of course."
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Outside Susan's House
Karl and Susan talk, waiting for Julie, while Brandi stands near Karl's car.
Karl: "A dinner party?"
Susan: "It’s tomorrow night, so if you could just keep Julie an extra day."
Karl: "Fine, but that’s all. Brandi and I leave Sunday for a week up at the cabin."
Susan: "What cabin?"
Karl: "Brandi wanted some place where we could get away. Escrow just closed yesterday."
Susan: "You can afford a cabin but you can't scrape up child support?"
Karl: "The check is in the mail."
Susan gets upset and quickly opens up the mailbox, looking briefly inside, then closes it.
Susan: "Oh, no, it’s not!"
Julie comes outside.
Julie: "I found my dental guard. I'm ready."
Susan and Karl become quiet and look anywhere but at each other. Julie rolls her eyes.
Julie: "Stop fighting."
Susan: "We are being as nice as we possibly can to one another."
Julie: "Like I said, stop fighting."
Susan kisses Julie, then Karl and Julie walk to his car. Brandi throws an empty soda can towards the trash can near Susan and misses.
Susan: "Excuse me, Brandi. Do you mind?"
Brandi: "Oh. Okay."
Karl: "Wait, Susan. you're right there. You could pick it up."
Susan: "I could, but she’s the one who threw it."
Karl: "Come on, don't be petulant. Just pick up the stupid can!"
Susan: "No!"
Julie: "I could pick it up."
Susan: "Honey, stay out of this."
Karl: "Fine. This is so typical!"
He walks over to her. As he bends down to get the can, she kicks it, causing it to bounce off his leg.
Susan: "Oh, sorry, was that petulant too?"
Karl: "You know what? Pick up the damn can yourself."
Susan: "Well, you just go to hell!"
She kicks the can across the driveway and it stops at the bottom of the driveway, right next to Mike, who had stopped there while walking his dog, Bongo.
Mike: "You want me to pick it up?"
Susan, obviously embarrassed, has no words, while Mike smiles.
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Paul's House
Paul and Zach sit at the kitchen table, eating breakfast. Paul looks through the newspaper.
Zach: "Mrs. Warmington said she looked for mom’s obituary and couldn't find it. Did you put one in?"
Paul: "I've had other things on my mind, Zach."
Zach: "But how could you not do that? People are going to think we didn't care about her."
Paul: "I doubt people will give it much thought. don't worry about it."
Zach: "You never talk about her. She hasn't even been dead a month, and it’s like you've totally forgotten she ever existed."
Paul: "It’s a little early for this kind of talk."
Zach: "Maybe when you die, I won't put in an obituary."
Paul: "That will be your choice to make. Assuming you outlive me."
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Gabrielle's House
Gabrielle is on the phone.
Gabrielle: "Mom, it’s no big deal, Carlos and I are driving in for the baptism. Problem solved."
There's a knock at the door and Gabrielle answers it, letting John in, as she continues talking on the phone.
Gabrielle: "Okay, fine, you go with Aunt Maria, and I will take Nanna to church." (whispering to John) "Take your clothes off" (returning her attention to the conversation on the phone) "Uh-huh. Okay. I gotta go, mom. Yes, right now! Okay. Uh, you can give me directions later. Bye. (to John) Hi! How was school?"
John: "I got an A minus on my biology exam."
Gabrielle: "You did!"
They kiss.
Gabrielle: "Well, let’s see what you learned."
They kiss again when Gabrielle gasps. She looks towards the front door, where the face of a little girl is peering in.
John: "Who’s that?"
Gabrielle: "I don't know."
She strides to the door.
Gabrielle: "Hey, you!"
The little girl runs away.
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Outside Susan's House
Lynette and Susan take dry cleaning out of Susan's car.
Lynette: "So, did Mike say anything?"
Susan: "No, but God, you should have seen the look on his face!"
Lynette: "I'm sure it’s not that bad. I mean, he’s coming to the party, right?"
Susan: "I left three messages. No, he’s not going to come. Big surprise. I did everything but foam at the mouth. God, I hate when I get that way. It's like every time I get within 10 feet of Karl I just become this monster."
Lynette: "You know what? It’s not gonna change until you resolve your issues with that man."
Susan: "What, you mean forgive him? You know, I've lived with this bitterness so long I think I'd be lonely without it."
Lynette: "Honey, get a pet!"
They laugh.
Lynette: "See you."
Susan walks away and Lynette stands in the driveway, looking at recently developed photos that she had with her. She gasps.
Lynette: "Son of a..."
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Lynette's House
Tom holds a photographed picture in his hand. It shows him with two male colleagues, all dressed in sombreros with huge margaritas in front of each of them. They all grin at the camera. Tom also has a cigar in his mouth.
Tom: "It’s a business meeting!"
Lynette: "It’s a frat party."
Tom: "Regional manager. Corporate manager. Head of sales."
Lynette: "Margarita. Cigar. Sombrero."
Tom: "Honey, what do you want me to do. Sit around the hotel all the time watching cable?"
Lynette: "No, but when I say, we've been invited to a party, don't whine about your exhausting sixty-hour week. Put on your dancing shoes and take the mother of your children out for a good time."
Tom: "Fine, you know what, you're right. Let's go to that party."
Lynette: "Can't. I already cancelled the sitter."
Tom: "Okay, we'll, we'll throw the next one."
Lynette: "Throw a dinner party? I don't even have time to wash my face."
Tom gets up and removes an individually-wrapped Jell-O® snack from the refrigerator, then goes back to the table and sits down, trying to open it.
Lynette: "No, you know what, I'm going to go to this one. You can stay home and baby sit the kids."
Tom: "Okay, I can handle that."
He struggles to open the snack as Lynette watches. Finally, she goes over to him and opens it for him.
Tom: "Thank you."
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Outside Gabrielle's House
Gabrielle drives up to her house in her car.
"Gabrielle spent her morning searching for the mysterious little girl. Sadly for her..."
Gabrielle pulls into her driveway and sees the little girl standing by Carlos, who's crouched down to be at eye-level with the girl, shaking her hand.
"...the mystery was solved a bit too quickly."
Gabrielle: "Hey. What’s going on?"
Carlos: "Have you met Ashley?"
Ashley stares up at Gabrielle while Gabrielle furrows her brow. She opens her mouth, but before she can say anything, a woman comes around the side of the house.
Mrs. Bukowski: "Found it!"
Carlos: "Babe, this is Sheila Bukowski, our new neighbor. They just moved into the Miller’s old house."
Mrs. Bukowski: "My daughter left her ball in your yard. So sorry."
Gabrielle: "Oh, oh, no, no problem. Nice to meet you, Ashley."
Ashley stares, stone-faced, up at Gabrielle, saying nothing.
Mrs. Bukowski: "She’s shy. She doesn't say much.""
Carlos: "Yeah, but I can see her little mind working away."
He laughs.
Mrs. Bukowski: "Nice meeting you."
Mrs. Bukowski and Carlos both turn and start to walk away, leaving Gabrielle and Ashley, who stare at each other. Mrs. Bukowski comes back and gently steers Ashley away.
Mrs. Bukowski: "Come on, Ashley."
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Paul's House
Zach goes into the garage with some rags. He puts them on a shelf and pulls down a box of cleaning supplies. Behind the box, he sees a small shoe box. He opens it, and slowly pulls out a gun.
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Dr. Goldfine's Office
Focus in on a tape recorder that's recording.
Bree: "Private sessions? I don't understand. Why do we need private sessions?"
Dr. Goldfine. "Private sessions allow us to work on the personal issues of both partners."
Bree: "Oh, well, I don't have any personal issues. My only issue is that my husband wants to leave me, and how can I work on that if he's not in the room?"
Rex: "There are things I need to discuss with Dr. Goldfine and I can't have you there."
Bree: "Why? I'm your wife. You can say anything in front of me. All we need is a few more sessions, and I'm sure we can--"
Rex: "Damn it, Bree, a few more sessions isn't going to fix us. This is bigger than that."
Dr. Goldfine: "Why don't we do it this way. Rex, you can take the first half hour. Bree, you can take the second."
Bree: "Fine. Oh, and doctor, if what he is about to discuss has anything to do with adultery, prostitution or Internet pornography, I would really appreciate you taking a moral hard line."
She stands up, swings a tennis racket up onto her shoulder, and walks out.
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Outside the Bukowski House
Ashley is drawing on the sidewalk with colored chalk when Gabrielle comes up to her.
Gabrielle: "Hi, Ashley. Remember me? We, we met earlier."
Ashley looks up, but says nothing before going back to her drawing.
Gabrielle: "Wow. aren't you the little artist. What are those, flamingos?"
Ashley: "No."
Gabrielle: "Well, they're very pretty. It almost looks like their kissing. Funny thing, about kissing. It’s not just for husbands and wives. Sometimes we kiss our mom or our grandpa. Sometimes we even kiss our dog. Sometimes we even kiss people who are just our friends. Kind of like a high five on the lips, right?"
She holds her hand out for Ashley to high-five it, but Ashley ignores her.
Gabrielle: "Uh...hey, Ash. I was at the mall, and I saw this and thought you might like it."
She reaches behind her and shows Ashley a doll that she brought over with her.
Gabrielle: "She’s Hawaiian. Her name is Princess Kahalua, and I, I think it means little waterfall or big pond or something."
Ashley takes the doll and stares at it before plopping it in her lap and going back to her drawing.
Gabrielle: "Oh great, so we're good, right?"
Ashley looks up and just stares at Gabrielle for a second or two.
Gabrielle: "Okay, well, you enjoy your new little friend, and if there's anything else you need, you just let me know."
She starts walking away when Ashley speaks.
Ashley: "What I'd really like is a bike."
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Paul's House
Paul walks into the darkened kitchen and goes to the refrigerator. He opens the fridge and hears something spinning. He looks across the room and sees Zach, in the dark, holding the gun, spinning the chamber. Paul turns on a light.
Paul: "Where did you find that?"
Zach: "She used this to kill herself. Why would you keep it? Why?"
Paul: "Cause I thought we might need it some day."
Zach: "For what?"
Paul: "Protection."
Zach: "I want to talk about mom."
Paul: "You need to take your medication."
Zach: "We are going to talk about mom!"
There's a knock at the door. Zach motions for his dad to be silent, then answers the door.
Bree: "Hello Zach. I hope this isn't a bad time."
Zach: "What can I do for you, Mrs. Van de Kamp?"
Bree: "Well, I wanted to invite you and your father to a dinner party tomorrow night."
Zach: "I'm not sure where he is right now."
Bree: "Oh, well I'm sorry it’s such late notice, but, well, we weren't sure if you and your father were ready for any kind of social engagement. But we're sort of throwing it in your mother’s honor."
Zach: "Really..."
Bree: "Yes, it’s just going to be a casual night with the gang. We're going to eat, and tell fun stories about your mom. Zach. Are you okay?"
Paul comes to the door, standing next to Zach.
Paul: "Hello, Bree."
Bree: "Oh, hi Paul, I-I was just..."
Paul: "I heard. Thank you. We already had plans for the night."
Bree: "Oh. Well, that’s too bad."
Hidden from Bree, Paul slowly reaches behind Zach and takes the gun from him.
Bree: "Well, I should go."
Zach: "Thank you, Mrs. Van de Kamp."
Bree: "For what, Zach?"
Zach: "For remembering my mom."
His voice trembles.
"That night Paul gave his son something to calm his nerves."
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Outside
"And the next day, Gabrielle calmed her own nerves by giving something to her new best friend."
Gabrielle removes a pink bicycle from the trunk of her car and presents it to Ashley.
Gabrielle: "Here you go. It’s top of the line, three speed, aluminum frame, handlebar ribbons, and a bell. And you'll notice, it’s royal blue to match your pretty little eyes."
Ashley: "My eyes are green."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, well, you'll be cruising so fast on this, no one will even notice. It’s all yours, hon. Have fun."
She starts walking back to her car and turns back slightly. She sees Ashley staring at her.
Gabrielle: "What? What’s wrong?"
Ashley: "I don't know how to ride a bike."
Gabrielle: "What? Well then why did you ask for one?"
Ashley shrugs.
Ashley: "Why can't you show me?"
Gabrielle: "Sure. One of these days."
She turns away again and starts walking when Ashley speaks again.
Ashley: "What’s wrong with now?"
Gabrielle stops.
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Susan's House
Susan opens up her photo album.
"After her talk with Lynette, Susan decided to take a look at her old photo album."
She looks at photos of Julie with Karl and Susan and Julie with Karl, when they were still married. Every photo is lovingly placed and decorated in the album, but each photo that included Karl has his head cut out of the picture.
"And she began to see herself in a whole new light. And the picture wasn't flattering."
She picks up the phone and dials a number .
Voice Mail Message: "Yeah, you got Karl. Leave a message."
Susan: "Hey, Karl, it’s me. I was hoping you'd be there. Um, listen, we need to talk. So maybe, when you drop Julie off tomorrow, we could have a moment. It’s important. Give my best to...Brandi. Call me."
"Susan was proud of herself. She was finally ready to let go of her anger."
Susan looks at a cut out of Karl's head that she just removed from a photo.
"Well, almost."
She crushes it between her fingers.
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Lynette's House
The twins scream in the background as Lynette, her face covered in a blue facial mask and her hair in rollers, gives directions to Tom.
Lynette: "The boys will be hungry at 5:30 so I put the fish sticks in the toaster oven at 5 o'clock."
Tom: "For a half an hour. Honey, I know. It’s like the third time you've told me!"
Lynette: "Well, if the food’s late, God help you!"
Tom: "Beautiful. I don't need a pamphlet. It’s not brain surgery. They're just kids, for god's sake!"
He walks up the stairs. Lynette pauses, and then calls out to Preston.
Lynette: "Preston, would you come here?"
Preston: "Yeah?"
Lynette: "Sweetie. You know our rule about eating cookies, right?"
Preston: "Yeah. We can't have 'em after five ‘cause sugar makes us hyper."
Lynette: "Yeah. But tonight, anything goes."
She hands him a box of animal cookies.
Lynette: "Make sure you share with your brothers."
Preston: "Thanks, Mom!"
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Outside, on the street
Gabrielle stumbles down the street in her high heels, as she holds onto the back of Ashley's bike while Ashley tries to ride it.
Gabrielle: "Don't look at your feet. Don't look at your feet. Look at the road. Look at the road. Good! Ow! Uh, okay, find your balance! Find your balance! Okay, it’s all you. It’s all you! you're doing great!"
She lets go of the bike, letting Ashley ride on her own.
Gabrielle: "Okay, stay to the right. Watch the car...watch the car...watch the car!"
Ashley: "Ah.. ahh.."
She falls to the ground.
Gabrielle: "Oh god..."
Gabrielle runs up to her.
Gabrielle: "You okay?"
Ashley: "Yeah! Let’s go again!"
Gabrielle: "Oh honey, these heels don't have another block in them."
Ashley: "What about tomorrow?"
Gabrielle: "Well, you won't be around tomorrow because you have school."
Ashley: "I'm home schooled. I'm always around."
"It was in that moment that Gabrielle realized, this ride was far from over."
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Outside Susan's House
A man pushes Susan's doorbell repeatedly.
Susan: "I'm coming!"
She opens the door, revealing that she's dressed only in a towel, and her hair is still wet from stepping out of the shower.
Susan: "Karl, what are you doing here? I asked you to come tomorrow."
Karl: "You said you wanted to talk. It sounded important."
Susan: "Tomorrow! I'm in a towel."
Karl: "We were married fourteen years. I know what’s under there. Come on."
He pushes past her and walks inside. She rolls her eyes, but closes the door, then follows behind him into the kitchen.
Susan: "I'm not really ready for this. I was going to have a whole speech prepared."
Karl: "Brandi and I have plans tomorrow. I suggest you wing it."
Susan: "Oh. Okay. Here’s the thing, Karl. I was thinking about what happened in the driveway yesterday, and I, I, I just don't want to, I don't want to live like that. I don't want to be that kind of person, and, and, I just thought...if, if the two of us...if we had a nice calm..."
She pauses to take a breath and Karl starts rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.
Susan: "...I need an apology, Karl."
Karl looks up, making eye contact.
Karl: "For what?"
Susan: "An apology. For the way you ended our marriage. You never took any responsibility for your behavior."
Karl: "I don't know what to say, Susan. The heart wants what it wants."
Susan: "What’s that mean?"
Karl: "I fell in love."
Susan: "While you were married to someone else!"
Karl: "The heart wants what it wants."
Susan: "Yeah, well my heart wants to hurt you, but I can control myself!"
He gets up and starts walking to the door.
Karl: "I don't want to go back to that ugly place, really, and if you do, I suggest you get some help."
He opens the door and walks back to his car. Susan follows, angry.
Susan: "You know what? I don't need an apology! I don't need anything from you!"
Karl: "you're humiliating yourself!"
Susan: "No, you're the one who’s been humiliated, Karl. Why don't you see that? You walked out on your family! People think you're scum, not me! So worry about yourself! I'm okay with me! I can walk down the street and hold my head high!"
She slams the passenger door she had opened.
Karl steps on the accelerator, driving off, pulling off the towel that Susan had accidentally got caught in the door.
Susan gasps in stark horror. She covers her chest and runs to her front door. It's locked. Desperate, she makes her way to a her front porch post and hides behind it. Seeing a potted plant next to the post, she grabs that as well to cover her up.
"As the sun slowly settled on Wisteria Lane, an unsettled Susan wracked her brain to find a way into her own house."
She takes the potted plant, and keeping it strategically placed in front of her, quickly dashes across her yard to a side porch. She tries the door there, but it, too, is locked. She puts down the plant and tries a window, which is locked. As she reaches over to try and push it open, she falls.
Susan: "Ahhh!"
"Lying naked in her shrubs, it occurred to Susan this could be the most humiliating moment of her life."
Mike walks by and sees her there.
Mike: "Susan?"
"She was wrong."
Mike (eyes averted): "Uh, whatcha doing?"
Susan: "Locked myself out. Naked."
Mike: "Oh..."
Susan: "And, then I fell. So, how are you?"
Mike: "Good. Good. I just got back. I've been gone all day, and I got your messages about dinner. And, um, I, would love to come, if that invite still stands."
Susan: "It’s a date!"
Mike: "All right. I, uh, assume the dress is casual."
Susan: "Yeah. It’s, it's casual."
Mike: "Hmmm."
He walks away.
Susan squeals in quiet embarrassment as she grabs part of the shrub and pulls it toward her, covering herself, too late.
________________________________________
Outside Bree's House
It's nighttime, and Mike and Susan walk up the sidewalk to Bree's house.
Susan: "Thanks for helping me break in. Do you think it will be hard to replace that screen?"
Mike: "Well, it depends. If you nail it in yourself, you might want to wear gloves. Or pants..."
Mike knocks on the Van de Kamp door.
Mike: "Pants wouldn't hurt."
Susan: "Okay. I know what just happened is funny, in theory. But I'm nowhere near ready to laugh about it, so please, no jokes."
Mike gives a quick nod as the door opens to reveal Bree.
Bree: "Hey! Where've you two been?"
Mike: "Uh, Susan had a problem finding something to wear."
He smirks as Susan looks at him.
Mike: "Oh, was that the kind of thing you meant?"
Susan: "Pretty much."
They walk inside.
Lynette is on her cell phone, talking to Tom, as she pours herself a drink.
Lynette: "The kids are bouncing off the walls? Huh...well, I'm sure you can figure a way to put them to bed, Tom. I mean, for god sakes, Tom, they're just kids!"
Gabrielle is hobbling.
Susan: "Hey, are you okay?"
Gabrielle: "Yes. I, uh, went jogging today, and I think I just pushed myself too hard."
Susan: "Well, you're probably not wearing the right shoes."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, that thought did cross my mind."
Bree comes into the living room with a tray of appetizers. Carlos and Rex are talking in the corner of the room.
Carlos: "So Gabrielle says that you and Bree are taking lessons three times a week."
Rex: "Uh huh."
Carlos: "I'm actually thinking about playing again. I mean, it’s such great exercise."
Rex: "Mmm. That it is."
Carlos: "And my drop shot could use a serious tune up. Think you could give me the number of your pro?"
Rex: "Yeah. I'll, uh, give it to you later."
Carlos: "Well what club does he work out of?"
Rex: "Uh. We're not really taking tennis lessons, Carlos."
Carlos: "you're not?"
Rex: "It’s a story Bree concocted to cover the fact that we're seeing a marriage counselor."
Bree, standing less than five feet away from Rex, stares at him as she drops the platter of food into the floor.
Rex: "Bree! Bree."
Accusingly, she takes the glass of wine Rex was holding from him.
Rex: "He wouldn't stop asking about the tennis pro! (to the guests in the room): "Bree and I are in marriage counseling." (to Bree) "Everyone knows your secret now. Did, did the sky fall? Has your life come crashing down?"
Bree turns to the guests and smiles.
Bree: "If everybody would please take your seats. Dinner is served."
She shoots one last glare at Rex, and then turns away.
________________________________________
Paul's House
The TV is quietly playing in the living room as Zach sleeps on the couch. A glass of water is next to several prescription pill bottles on the coffee table. Paul comes into the room. He smiles and puts a blanket over the sleeping Zach.
TV Reporter: "A grisly discovery was made today in Westbrook when a chest was found in Rockwater Lake, discovered by a local area businessman and his grandson while they were fishing. Investigators recovered a wooden chest containing what appears to be human remains. Now, a police spokesman says the body was--"
Paul turns off the TV. He puts down the remote, turns off the light by the couch, and leaves the room. Once he's gone, Zach opens his eyes and stares at the dark TV.
________________________________________
Bree's House
Everyone is quiet around the dinner table as they eat.
Susan: "Okay, I've got to break the ice here. So you're in counseling. Big deal. You want humiliation, I'll give you humiliation. I locked myself out of my house, stark naked, and got caught by Mike."
She gives him a light shove when she says his name and he smiles ruefully.
Gabrielle: "Oh my God, when did this happen?"
Susan: "Today. Right before the party."
Mike: "What can I say? Right place, right time!"
Lynette: "I think I can top that. Try getting thrown out of Disneyland for lewd behavior."
Susan: "What? When was this?"
Lynette: "When Tom and I were first married, things got a little out of hand on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride."
Rex: "you're kidding."
Lynette: "No. We got perp walked down Main Street USA."
Everyone laughs, except for Bree, who watches Rex at the other end of the table as he laughs as everybody's stories.
Gabrielle: "Since we're doing true confessions, Carlos and I once broke a waterbed in Cancun."
Mike: "How'd you manage that?"
Gabrielle: "Well, he used to have a thing for spiked heels."
Carlos: "I'd just like to make it clear: she was wearing them."
Everyone laughs again and Rex, a glass of wine in his hand, laughs along with them.
Bree: "Rex cries after he ejaculates."
She stares at him smugly. The smile leaves his face. The rest of the guests don't know what to say. He wipes his mouth, then gets up and leaves. He slams the door. Bree goes back to eating and her guests follow suit.
________________________________________
Outside
Mike and Susan walk slowly back to Susan's house.
Mike: "Think we left too early?"
Susan: "I was thinking we left too late."
Mike: "So is, um, Rex gone for good?"
Susan: "I don't know. God, I hope not! I mean, they've always been wound a little tight, but I've never seen 'em like that. Then again, who am I to judge?"
Mike: "You mean, people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw soda cans?"
Susan: "Okay, you have got to know that I only get that angry around Karl. He just treated me so badly at the end. I haven't been able to get past it."
Mike: "Well, maybe he did you a big favor."
Susan: "What do you mean?"
Mike: "Well, just look of Karl as a starter marriage. Boot camp. Preparing you for something better next time."
She smiles at him.
Susan: "Listen Mike, about the whole seeing me naked thing, I, I just want to thank you for being such a perfect gentleman."
Mike: "Oh, I wasn't a perfect gentleman, I might have snuck a peek."
Susan: "Oh! Good night!"
Mike: "And for what it’s worth, wow!"
He strolls away, looking back at her once while Susan grins.
________________________________________
Lynette's House
Lynette wakes Tom, who's sleeping on the couch, by touching his face lightly with her hot pink dinner jacket.
Tom: "Hi!"
Lynette: "How was your night?"
Tom: "We are raising little terrorists. You know that, don't you?"
Lynette: "Oh! You didn't have a good time?"
Tom: "Okay. You know, drop the act! I know you gave them cookies."
Lynette: "Oh! Who cracked, anyway?"
Tom: "Porter. So how was your, uh, dinner party?"
Lynette: "Well, there was dinner, but it wasn't much of a party."
Tom: "Uh-oh. What happened?"
Lynette: "I don't know. Rex announced that he and Bree are in counseling. She retaliated with this whole revelation which I won't even go into now, and the bottom line is, he stormed out. Clearly there is trouble in paradise."
Tom: "Honestly, I'm not that surprised."
Lynette: "Why not?"
Tom: "I don't know. I just never got the idea that they were really happy."
He looks at some papers he had in his lap, and Lynette puts a juice box in the kitchen. She turns around.
Lynette: "Are we happy?"
________________________________________
Gabrielle's House
Carlos trims his nose hairs while Gabrielle puts lotion on herself.
Carlos: "Man, oh, man, I keep seeing that look on Rex’s face, and then him taking off like that? Hmm. Some night. But then again, I would probably cry too if I had to have sex with that woman. I mean, you watch a man get torn down like that, it makes you wonder why he'd let her get away with it. Believe me, if a woman ever humiliated me like that in public, hmm, it would only happen once."
He walks off, leaving Gabrielle standing there, silent.
________________________________________
Bree's House
The next morning, Bree packs a suitcase for Rex as Rex sits on the bed.
Bree: "So, uh, where will you be going?"
Rex: "I'll be staying at the Motor Lodge."
Bree: "The hotel by the interstate has better rates, and uh, it’s closer to your work."
Rex: "Fine."
Bree: "I'm packing your swimsuit. There’s a pool there, and I know how swimming relaxes you."
Rex: "When our kids ask where I am, what are you gonna say?"
Bree: "Um, I could tell them that you went to tennis camp."
There's a pause.
Bree: "That was a joke."
Rex: "Yeah. I got it."
Bree: "There. Obviously, if you've forgotten anything, you can, um, come right back and get it."
Rex: "Well, I'll call you."
Bree: "Rex. In college, when we first started dating, people were so jealous of us. We were the golden couple. Everybody knew we were going to have this wonderful life. Why is this happening?"
Rex: "Because you can't even let me pack my own suitcase."
He walks out, leaving Bree standing there. She turns, looking like she's going to cry. She stares down at the bed and makes an effort to get herself under control as she smoothes the bedspread.
________________________________________
Outside Susan's House
Karl kisses Julie good bye and gets back into his car, with Brandi. Susan comes out of the house and goes to the car.
Susan: "Hey!"
Julie: "Where are you going?"
Susan: "Just a sec..."
Julie: "Mom?"
Susan: "Don't worry, I'm not packing heat!"
She opens the door to Karl's car.
Susan: "Hey, Brandi. Could you scoot a little? Just, scoot. Thank you. Hi."
Karl: "What are you doing?"
Susan: "I'll be quick. Brandi, I'm sorry for the way I treated you. It was uncalled for and childish and it won't happen again. I have built up a lot of anger towards you, both of you, and I realize now that I just can't carry that around anymore, so, apology or no apology, I'm moving on."
Susan smiles, then gets out of the car. As she walks up the sidewalk, Brandi calls to her.
Brandi: "Mrs Mayer!"
Brandi gets out of the car.
Karl: "Brandi. Brandi, get in the car."
Brandi: "Mrs. Mayer..."
Susan: "Please. Call me Susan."
Brandi: "I just wanted you to know what happened between me and Karl, things got out of hand, because I thought your marriage was over. Anyway, I just wanted you to know I'm sorry. I really am."
Susan: "Thank you."
Brandi smiles and then goes back to the car. When she gets in the car, Karl leans forward to stare at Susan questioningly.
"And though it came from an unexpected source, Susan finally got the apology she always wanted."
________________________________________
Lynette's House
Lynette comes into the house, with bags in both hands and a small package clutched between her teeth. Tom bounds down the stairs, wearing a sombrero.
Tom: "Hey, let me take those!"
Lynette: "You're wearing a really big hat."
Tom: "Yes, I am. Listen, the kids are watching a video which means that we've got only about 45 minutes until they actually find Nemo. So I suggest that we make the most of it."
He drops lime slices into margaritas he's made.
Lynette: "By reliving your night out with the guys?"
Tom: "Lynette? I'm trying."
He holds out a margarita for her. She takes off her glasses and takes the glass.
Lynette: "You look ridiculous."
Tom: "Sexy ridiculous?"
Lynette: "Maybe."
Tom: "I can live."
He takes their glasses and put them on the table, then draws her close to dance. She moans contentedly.
Lynette: "You know, it’s going to take more than just this one night."
Tom: "I know."
They dance some more.
Tom: "Ah. It looks like we have an audience."
Lynette turns around and sees the three boys, in their pajamas, watching them from the stairs, grinning.
Lynette: "Let ‘em look. As long as they don't try and cut in."
________________________________________
Dr. Goldfine's Office
Dr. Goldfine puts a tape into a cabinet when there's knocking on his door. He turns around and Bree enters.
Bree: "Dr. Goldfine."
Dr. Goldfine: "Bree, we're not scheduled now, are we?"
Bree: "I didn't have time to make an appointment. Rex moved out today."
Dr. Goldfine: "I'm very sorry to hear that, but unfortunately, I'm completely booked right now."
Bree takes a few steps around the desk, to stand closer.
Bree: "I don't need much time. It just seems that you have more insight into my situation than I do. And I just think that--"
Dr. Goldfine: "Bree, we can't talk now."
Bree (eye to eye with Dr. Goldfine): "If you could just tell me what he told you, then I could fix the problem!"
Dr. Goldfine: "I can't do that. It’s completely unethical."
Bree: "Well, why can't you--"
There's a sound, and they both turn to the door, where a small light flashes next to the door.
Dr. Goldfine: "That’s my next appointment. You really need to go."
Bree: "Dr. Goldfine."
She puts her hands on his shoulders.
Bree: "Please."
Dr. Goldfine: "Hold on. I'll go and talk to my client."
He leaves her alone. She exhales, then looks around the room. She sees the open cabinet with the tapes in it. She looks behind her to make sure Dr. Goldfine hasn't come back, then opens up the cabinet.
"Bree searched for Rex’s audio tape, hoping to find answers."
She sees Rex's name on a tape and begins to pull it out.
"She found answers all right, but to entirely different questions."
And then she finds labeled "Mary Alice Young". She removes it.
She hears a noise from the waiting room and jumps. She quickly closes the cabinet and picks up the tape she had dropped. She hides the tape underneath her sweater as Dr. Goldfine walks in.
Dr. Goldfine: "Bree, I'm sorry, he can't wait. But, I can see you first thing in the morning, eight o'clock."
Bree: "Eight o'clock. Sorry to interrupt. Bye."
She leaves.
________________________________________
Nighttime. Wisteria Lane
It's a quiet night on Wisteria Lane.
"Yes, I remember the world. Every detail. And what I remember the most is how afraid I was."
Bree sits by her bedroom window, looking at the tape she stole.
"What a waste! You see, to live in fear, is not to live at all."
Very faintly, a rhythmic sound of something wooden being hit is heard.
In Gabrielle's house, she lies awake in bed next to Carlos, who's sleeping. As she hears the noise, she gets up to look out the window.
"I wish I could tell this to those I left behind, but would it do any good? Probably not. I understand now, there will always be those who face their fears..."
At Susan's house, she looks at photos of her old life. When she hears the noise, she looks out the window as well.
"...and there will always be those who run away."
At Paul's house, Paul stands on the sidewalk, methodically pounding a "For Sale" sign into the grass on his lawn.
~ The End ~ |