[answer]1[/answer]作者: 随风而逝 时间: 07-11-5 19:26
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽作者: 海豚宝贝 时间: 07-11-5 21:25 我看到网友们给你建议了,而且很认真,我就想我省事了
好好好,我明天看,(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……作者: xiaobinghui1982 时间: 07-11-6 23:09
憋了一晚上,写出了下面的东西,作文,真让我挠头.还请大家帮忙指正,接收随风的部分建议,改整了一下,继续批评,没关系的
In this cartoon we can see that the father is old, but none of his children wants to take care of him ;they even push their old father out of their own houses ,which seems like a football game among sons and daughters.
This picture mainly shows up a phenomenon that more and more person loses his mortal of taking care of parents. But everyone knows that our parents feed us up hard , We also have a knowledge that someday they have to become old and lose their ability of working . And then it is the time that we should take the oblige of taking care of them .Moreover, our country has the tradition of taking care of parents long before .
To be responsible stewards of the society , we should respect old people , especially take good care of our parents.
这样改过了,是不是可以了呢?
[ 本帖最后由 xiaobinghui1982 于 2007-11-9 10:23 编辑 ]作者: 随风而逝 时间: 07-11-7 17:55
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽作者: xiaobinghui1982 时间: 07-11-7 22:04
呵呵,谢谢批改,我作文很差,继续批评,没关系的
which seems like a football game among each sons and daughters.这个是特意写成非限制性定于重句的,指代的是前面一句话,不知道何不合适
we should respect old people , especially taking care of our parents.这句话是有点问题,那要怎么改才好呢?
To be a responsible steward of the society , 这句话是我和真题学的,应该还好吧,作者: 随风而逝 时间: 07-11-8 21:09
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽作者: 随风而逝 时间: 07-11-15 21:24
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽作者: 随风而逝 时间: 07-11-15 22:20
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽作者: zidance 时间: 07-11-16 11:23 标题: 回复 #9 随风而逝 的帖子 How sad and regret it is!
这里的regret应该用adj形式吧。
There is no denying that the conditon of our society in the maner of reverring parents is becoming worser and worser .
there小写,condition拼写错误,另外作为考试作文,建议还是用书面语,例如manner和worse。应该减少第一人称和第二人称的使用,特别是第二人称,尽量使用第三人称。
后面还有几处拼写错误,例如general。
we are all child of our parents 是否应该用复数。作者: 随风而逝 时间: 07-11-16 20:48
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽作者: 随风而逝 时间: 07-11-16 21:04
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽作者: jiajing1229 时间: 07-11-21 19:25 标题: 加油! 互相鼓励,一起加油作者: 随风而逝 时间: 07-11-23 18:33
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽作者: 随风而逝 时间: 07-11-23 18:35
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽作者: ercha 时间: 07-11-24 12:35
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽作者: limit440 时间: 08-4-30 18:37 标题: 加油啊 一天一天得坚持下去
我相信我行